MissTick
Thingish Things

A friend once said to me: “Count your days by smiles, not by tears that fall...this is how to live”… Just wondering, what’s the proportion of those would be in life, if there would be possible to count? What one could do to protect self from “needless loss” of valuable days? Build the walls. A Castle to uphold. A personal place for No One to ever enter. Or - live out in the open space and religiously believe in fairness of fate, when whatever happened – happened for the best… But the Castle might turn out to be made of sand. And fate is never famous of her fairness. Constantly ppl find themselves on the ruins of their hopes. Or – trying in vain to keep the walls up, when the bricks they collected with such a confidence, simply began to fall, one by one under the pressure of events happening…Do we need to fight it? Do we need to summon our strength and stand to the end, whatever it’ll be? Or – give up and make surrender “quicker and less painful”? For me first reaction to any pushing always has been – to take a firm stand...behind my wall, to gain time to assess the situation. In most cases nothing would follow, as eventually I would feel much more comfortable being behind, then out in the open and would just let things to dry up… Fear originates not from personal experience, but rather from fictitious assumptions. From indecisiveness and diffidence. Every time I’m trying to grow that belief that I could be more then I think of myself. Every time confronted with another challenge, I’d retreat back behind my beloved wall, where feels safer. I’m not a warrior. You're either part of the steam roller or part of the road. I don’t roll that road...[sigh] The funny part of this is that I’m always confronted with somethings. As if it is my karma – to work on gaining self confidence. I’m getting there. Slowly but steadily. And I hope one day I will pull down that Wall Of My Refuge, brick by brick...Although it is so comfortable to be behind. One who knows does not speak. One who speaks does not know. Close your holes, shut your doors, Soften your sharpness, loosen your knots. Soften your glare and merge with the everyday. This is called mysteriously attaining oneness. [~Tao Te Ching]