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Answering Machines
Sun Jun 05 2005

I’ve been practicing in the art of conversation with the answering machine. I must admit, sometimes talking to answering machines could be easier then talking to “live people” – they don’t shout back and don’t interrupt you. And in most cases they have nice voices too [Side thought – I wonder how many times in average people record their voice messages to feel completely happy about the way it sounds? I think, if I ever to record my own voice message, it’ll take me…errmmm…a day and a half at least - a day and 25 min to record message yet another time because of previous being too husky/thin/stuttering/generally unpleasant/and with the wrong intonations/impression/attitude then the last 5 min to re-write the speech completely, learn it and record from the first attempt, simply because got fed up]

Anyway…The art of answering machine conversation requires determination and clear mind. And you’ve got to know what you are going to talk about. How to handle call when you have no idea what you will say? And when your call gets through, you suddenly expected to say something…just like out of the blue…say…say…say…panic…a feverish thought in mind: what the hell I’m going to say?!...and then – there is that terrifying Beep thing…like in that TV show…I don’t know the name, but something about people asked questions and in one min or so they hear loud PING sound and they’ve got to come up with the answer. If the answer is correct, they’ve got a prize too…And you can see how hard their brains are working there, in that one min of a gamble for a prize…if they got it wrong, they lose…I don’t know why, but answering machines put me under the same pressure…Am I afraid of getting the “wrong answer”?

So I wonder…is it indeed the answering machine phobia or is it something more then that? Maybe I simply don’t know how to do the talking when there are no questions to ask and no answers to answer? I have no problems with leaving messages on answering machines in business-related calls. I can communicate over the phone when it is something to sort out, to enquire or to return the call. I can do helpline calls easily. But when it is about “making it up when getting there”…I am “neither getting, nor can make up”…:-(

So…on a quest to learn to speak to those “otherend mean things”, I referred to my most favourite teacher for every subject in the world – Google. Guess, what the results were about? Sure enough – none of any useful and serious advice of what to talk about with the answering machine…But all of the funniest messages recorded on them…oh, well…might as well share them out here…:-p

”Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, that someone is you”
BEEP
"Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."
BEEP
"Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."
BEEP
“You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine. This is the 21st century. You know what to do.”
BEEP
"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us."
BEEP
“Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.”
BEEP
“Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?”
BEEP
“ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK”
BEEP

4 Comments
  • From:
    Dreamerbooks2003 (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Jun 05 2005
    What a fun entry
    Me and Kody had one of our few (*very few) fun times recording our message. We laughed so hard we were crawling on the floor.. speaking into the microphone on the silly contraption. I don't even remember what we said that had us giggling hysterically, but when it is good it is good
    and when it's bad it is horrid!!

    Hmmmm.. reminds me of a little girl, with a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.
    ;)

    beep
  • From:
    Pragmatist (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Jun 05 2005
    It's startling to hear a male voice when you know your female friend lives alone. Oh, yeah, she didn't know how to use the greeting feature, so her son did it for her. (He has a nice voice, too.)

    Er...mmm...hmmm, uh..oh, I'll call back.

    Shalom
  • From:
    Sugardancer1007 (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Jun 06 2005
    My mother's machine has a male voice as the standard voice "hello, no one is available to take your call...". My grandmother called her several times one day but refused to leave a message. She finally told my mother that she wasn't going to talk to "that man" who keeps answering her phone. My mother asked why on earth she wouldn't talk to my stepdad (they've been married about 17yrs now - he isn't newly issued). My grandmother told her it wasn't my stepdad but another man. My mother finally figured out what she was talking about and had her job cut out for her explaining that the "other man" was the answering machine and it was ok to leave a message. I don't think my grandmother has ever left a message regardless of the explanation.

    Uh, guess I'll talk to you later, geez I hate these things! LOL!!

    Have a great week!!
  • From:
    CandidObserver (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Jun 08 2005
    hahaha. i havent tried recording such message on my phone but i'd love to give it a try. maybe copy a line from those examples.

    nice laugh here.

    ~elle~