My days are filled with the new responsibilities and I have little time left for the things, I like to do the most…I mean – I can’t let my mind wander in other then my work directions as much as I'd wish to. So my most intense thinking process now happens during my drive time. (Gosh, don’t I feel like I’ve got my spiritual self pinned to the structure for a life time, like recurrent appointment in Outlook scheduler?!) I wanted to write few scattered thoughts for today, mainly triggered from the last few days’ observations. But don’t get me started! I've done it and now unable to shut up…LOL. So, I’ll do one thought at a time…
Fears
What do we fear in everyday’s life? I mean – when there is nothing to fear externally, no threats to us or our loved ones, what are the fears that torment our mind at night? Is it a fear of doing the wrong things? The fear of being not up to some imaginable standard? The fear to be left alone? Even if you’d say I fear nothing, I will not believe you. In such statement there is something that tells about the denial the fact itself that something could be there for you indeed. Are you afraid to show your weaknesses? So I’m wondering, what kind of things makes us feel uncomfortable within ourselves? Maybe by knowing that it is “normal” to feel a little bit apprehended about certain things, we could be more relaxed in a sense, that it is not just us being with complex here, but there are others, who know exactly how do we feel…so which one sounds familiar to you:
Fear to be rejected, by society or by someone; fear being misunderstood all the time or in particular circumstances; fear being left on your own in your hardest times; fear to be always “second best”; fear to make a crucial decision and take responsibility for it; fear to be unsure if what you doing is the right thing; hmmm…I could go on and on and on…it is not a push to admit your weak points. You might choose not to speak, or leave anonymous comments, but if you just think about this in relation to your own self, that would be something already, wouldn’t it? I will also point that what’s being mentioned above, has been said not just in general terms. And why should I afraid to say what are my fears, anyway? It is not a disease, not a curse, it is tough and maybe ugly, certainly unnecessary, but it is what’s real in my life and I just might as well admit it. And admittance is already something, isn’t she?
Thinking further…do we need to “work” on our fears? Try to get rid of them? I’d say this could be double edged sword. You might end up being totally engrossed into fighting with your wind mills instead of living your life. That’s bad…I think. Know what are your inner fears and just keep them in mind when find yourself facing your life’s challenges. Easy said then done…
There is something else I wanted to make a note in today’s entry. Something about kindness. People can be kind reasonlessly. And to me personally these little acts of “accidental” kindness are the most precious ones. I just want to say good words about one of my colleague. Out minibus driver, in fact. He truly deserved to be mentioned. This morning I left my car in the garage for annual MOT check. The mechanics are just at the entrance of industrial estate where our offices are. So it is convenient to leave your car and walk about 10-15 min. it would’ve been more pleasant morning walk today, if not that permanent British weather feature – boring rain. But that’s ok, I had my brolly, and was prepared t o make this effort to walk. But apparently, our driver saw me pulling my car at mechanic’s on his way, so imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw him driving back to pick me up after he dropped his passengers at the office doors. He actually returned just for me! It was so sweet of him, I couldn’t believe it. I mean he’s not obliged to, but he said he thought a lady shouldn’t really be left to walk alone in miserable rain : -) Little act of kindness, means nothing to him perhaps, just what he does intuitively - thinking of the others. And for me this made my morning really bright and sunny despite of the rainy start. I also noticed that kindness is contagious; I have this urge to be kind to somebody else too! ;-)
Fears
What do we fear in everyday’s life? I mean – when there is nothing to fear externally, no threats to us or our loved ones, what are the fears that torment our mind at night? Is it a fear of doing the wrong things? The fear of being not up to some imaginable standard? The fear to be left alone? Even if you’d say I fear nothing, I will not believe you. In such statement there is something that tells about the denial the fact itself that something could be there for you indeed. Are you afraid to show your weaknesses? So I’m wondering, what kind of things makes us feel uncomfortable within ourselves? Maybe by knowing that it is “normal” to feel a little bit apprehended about certain things, we could be more relaxed in a sense, that it is not just us being with complex here, but there are others, who know exactly how do we feel…so which one sounds familiar to you:
Fear to be rejected, by society or by someone; fear being misunderstood all the time or in particular circumstances; fear being left on your own in your hardest times; fear to be always “second best”; fear to make a crucial decision and take responsibility for it; fear to be unsure if what you doing is the right thing; hmmm…I could go on and on and on…it is not a push to admit your weak points. You might choose not to speak, or leave anonymous comments, but if you just think about this in relation to your own self, that would be something already, wouldn’t it? I will also point that what’s being mentioned above, has been said not just in general terms. And why should I afraid to say what are my fears, anyway? It is not a disease, not a curse, it is tough and maybe ugly, certainly unnecessary, but it is what’s real in my life and I just might as well admit it. And admittance is already something, isn’t she?
Thinking further…do we need to “work” on our fears? Try to get rid of them? I’d say this could be double edged sword. You might end up being totally engrossed into fighting with your wind mills instead of living your life. That’s bad…I think. Know what are your inner fears and just keep them in mind when find yourself facing your life’s challenges. Easy said then done…
There is something else I wanted to make a note in today’s entry. Something about kindness. People can be kind reasonlessly. And to me personally these little acts of “accidental” kindness are the most precious ones. I just want to say good words about one of my colleague. Out minibus driver, in fact. He truly deserved to be mentioned. This morning I left my car in the garage for annual MOT check. The mechanics are just at the entrance of industrial estate where our offices are. So it is convenient to leave your car and walk about 10-15 min. it would’ve been more pleasant morning walk today, if not that permanent British weather feature – boring rain. But that’s ok, I had my brolly, and was prepared t o make this effort to walk. But apparently, our driver saw me pulling my car at mechanic’s on his way, so imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw him driving back to pick me up after he dropped his passengers at the office doors. He actually returned just for me! It was so sweet of him, I couldn’t believe it. I mean he’s not obliged to, but he said he thought a lady shouldn’t really be left to walk alone in miserable rain : -) Little act of kindness, means nothing to him perhaps, just what he does intuitively - thinking of the others. And for me this made my morning really bright and sunny despite of the rainy start. I also noticed that kindness is contagious; I have this urge to be kind to somebody else too! ;-)