So here is the question: do we write diaries to get reactions, both positive and negative? Well, when you look across the DDLand, you would think so. Some people want more, others - as little as possible, but the fact that Add Comment option left on a diary, probably means that comments are expected. Are they welcomed though? In my experience, even when you’d think to yourself “I will not get offended, hurt, upset by negative comment”, this dreaded moment comes and you do get offended or hurt or upset because of the words of another’s desecrated your personal space. We lie to ourselves pretending all kinds are welcome. This is mostly because we are too shy to shout to the four corners: ”people! Agree with me! Make me feel good about myself!” so we invented compromise: “all comments are welcome, but the nice ones are more welcome then the other ones”. (and of course the first part goes for everyone, and the second part – only to your head))
I remember the brief time of DDCritic’s rule in DDLand. What really amazed me was not the critic’s works, but people reacting to them. The idea was that you ask to be critiqued totally voluntarily, and in this person’s notes the disclaimer was all over the place, so you can’t say you didn’t know. Yet I watched how people, who asked for it, sworn that they won’t get offended, couldn’t take it in the end. It was not relevant whether the comments were fair or not. What was interesting, that no matter how ready we think we are, we are never prepared for what we expect. I mean, what those who asked for review wanted? What they expected? Judging by their comments back they wanted attention.
I didn’t understand it at that time. To me it was kind of puzzling. Until I’ve learned that attention is the currency in this place. Get attention, get comments, get in top ten, get noticed. And you’ll feel a million dollars. When I visit people’s diaries, the lack of comments doesn’t tell me that this is uninteresting person or unworthy my time diary. A big part of my own comments I write in private. Not because I am shy to leave them public, but because to me it is the same like when you speak to the individual person in a crowd. You can say something aloud and wait to see who’s head turns towards you. Or if you mean your words for someone particular, you would lean towards them, maybe whisper in their ear make them feel they’ve got all your attention. Or simply you don’t want to confuse other readers of their diary if your comments refer to something unrelated to their entry. By no means I consider private comments more important, I am merely saying that the absence of comments doesn’t mean anything to me.
Now as for positive and negative…I think about myself here, how would I react. I would lie if I say negative comments don’t bother me. Few in the past even cost me few tears. Again, if you think of DDLand as of a big party of all sorts of people with little space in the corners to hide. Suppose, I came to the party, I put on my best dress, I’m communicating my best thoughts in a best way I can. Then I hear someone said aloud “pheeewwww, you are fat cow. And a blond”. Now, I know myself, I’m a fat cow. I might not agree on being a Blond in this context. But do I really need to be told what I know already? I mean, of course, if they would say it to me personally: “look, you look fat in this dress and your hair color doesn’t suit you”, I would take it much easier, I think. Negative comment draws attention to me, but this is kind of unwanted attention. Surely I want people only notice good things about me. In this example – yes, I accept negative comment, but it will upset me more then if was said face-to-face. When I’m not upset by my damaged image, not angered by exposure, I am more capable to think sensibly and to argue back with some smart responses that make a good healthy argument to defend myself. When our self-esteem being touched, we tend to shrink to the level of blind senseless aggravation. Ever since I realized this, I prefer to use my own space to voice my own opinions on the subjects other people rose, when I feel they might get upset in their reaction.
I remember the brief time of DDCritic’s rule in DDLand. What really amazed me was not the critic’s works, but people reacting to them. The idea was that you ask to be critiqued totally voluntarily, and in this person’s notes the disclaimer was all over the place, so you can’t say you didn’t know. Yet I watched how people, who asked for it, sworn that they won’t get offended, couldn’t take it in the end. It was not relevant whether the comments were fair or not. What was interesting, that no matter how ready we think we are, we are never prepared for what we expect. I mean, what those who asked for review wanted? What they expected? Judging by their comments back they wanted attention.
I didn’t understand it at that time. To me it was kind of puzzling. Until I’ve learned that attention is the currency in this place. Get attention, get comments, get in top ten, get noticed. And you’ll feel a million dollars. When I visit people’s diaries, the lack of comments doesn’t tell me that this is uninteresting person or unworthy my time diary. A big part of my own comments I write in private. Not because I am shy to leave them public, but because to me it is the same like when you speak to the individual person in a crowd. You can say something aloud and wait to see who’s head turns towards you. Or if you mean your words for someone particular, you would lean towards them, maybe whisper in their ear make them feel they’ve got all your attention. Or simply you don’t want to confuse other readers of their diary if your comments refer to something unrelated to their entry. By no means I consider private comments more important, I am merely saying that the absence of comments doesn’t mean anything to me.
Now as for positive and negative…I think about myself here, how would I react. I would lie if I say negative comments don’t bother me. Few in the past even cost me few tears. Again, if you think of DDLand as of a big party of all sorts of people with little space in the corners to hide. Suppose, I came to the party, I put on my best dress, I’m communicating my best thoughts in a best way I can. Then I hear someone said aloud “pheeewwww, you are fat cow. And a blond”. Now, I know myself, I’m a fat cow. I might not agree on being a Blond in this context. But do I really need to be told what I know already? I mean, of course, if they would say it to me personally: “look, you look fat in this dress and your hair color doesn’t suit you”, I would take it much easier, I think. Negative comment draws attention to me, but this is kind of unwanted attention. Surely I want people only notice good things about me. In this example – yes, I accept negative comment, but it will upset me more then if was said face-to-face. When I’m not upset by my damaged image, not angered by exposure, I am more capable to think sensibly and to argue back with some smart responses that make a good healthy argument to defend myself. When our self-esteem being touched, we tend to shrink to the level of blind senseless aggravation. Ever since I realized this, I prefer to use my own space to voice my own opinions on the subjects other people rose, when I feel they might get upset in their reaction.