Yeah, it's been a while... thanks for poking, you know who you are 
. I am all right, in fact, I can perhaps, grade my all right at 8 out of 10…I haven’t been writing because I’ve been reading and thinking. And applying.
They say: instead of trying to work out why you’ve got into situation you are in, why not start to look for what can get you out of it…and the only condition to things start working for you is – you have to make a decision to be out of whatever shit you found yourself in. We tend to hold on to our past mistakes because even though they are mistakes, at least they are – familiar mistakes and we feel comfortable with what we do know already. So really the point is – to brave yourself for new, different mistakes and consciously decide you will never return to the old ones. And why would I want to indeed? There is a good funny story about man and wife having an argument and a man threatens to leave her and then says “if I go, you will never find another man like me”…and she responds with “what makes you think I would want another one like you?!”…when something is leaving your life…let it go and get something different instead.
Don’t you get bored watching the old movie again and again? You know the plot, you are familiar with the dead dynamic of it, you know how it ends…what kind of thrill you expect from it? Compare this with when you watched this movie for the first time.
What we know already doesn’t excite us anymore. That’s why there is never going back to what was, as they say. Even if I’d had a perfect relationship, wouldn’t I want it to be even better? The good things we have in life are there to set our standards: in the least we want no less then it was. But it always pays to want better then that. and sometimes to get better we have to get out of what it is.
It is scary, but absolutely necessary, unless you enjoy being in the same shit for the rest of your life…and maybe, into the next life as well for you never know if the tales about Karma are true and you’d have to repeat the lessons you didn’t learn until you’ll get it…I’m not much of the Karma-believer, but I can see the sense in that if you always do what you always done you will always get what you’ve been getting always …so yes, the real break through in dealing with the changes is in understanding that you have to do something different. Or sometimes – that you have to do something. Anything, really. Not just sit there, pondering what to do. But get up your arse and just do.
Not necessary do something about your problem. Just play the ice hockey. Or do something crazy…move your furniture around…if your room witnessed your worst moments of despair, your mind keeps photographs of your sorry state in this environment. Re-arrange something, even minor detail and the association of your state with background will fade away like an old black&white picture. You still remember it, but not with the same intensity anymore. I found the black&white trick very useful…just the right tool for my imagination. To de-intensify a painful memory you have to imagine it as a still image and then drain the colours out of it and move the black&white image away in your imagination, until it is very small at a distance…I can imagine it might not work well for someone else. But I do believe passionately in the more the better concept. In relation to alternatives. The more different ways you’ll try, more chances you’ll get of that you'll find at least one you can use. I think it is important to understand: there is no Ultimate Cure for any particular problem. But there are many cures out there and sometimes you have to try a lot of them before you find what works for you.
. I am all right, in fact, I can perhaps, grade my all right at 8 out of 10…I haven’t been writing because I’ve been reading and thinking. And applying. They say: instead of trying to work out why you’ve got into situation you are in, why not start to look for what can get you out of it…and the only condition to things start working for you is – you have to make a decision to be out of whatever shit you found yourself in. We tend to hold on to our past mistakes because even though they are mistakes, at least they are – familiar mistakes and we feel comfortable with what we do know already. So really the point is – to brave yourself for new, different mistakes and consciously decide you will never return to the old ones. And why would I want to indeed? There is a good funny story about man and wife having an argument and a man threatens to leave her and then says “if I go, you will never find another man like me”…and she responds with “what makes you think I would want another one like you?!”…when something is leaving your life…let it go and get something different instead.
Don’t you get bored watching the old movie again and again? You know the plot, you are familiar with the dead dynamic of it, you know how it ends…what kind of thrill you expect from it? Compare this with when you watched this movie for the first time.
What we know already doesn’t excite us anymore. That’s why there is never going back to what was, as they say. Even if I’d had a perfect relationship, wouldn’t I want it to be even better? The good things we have in life are there to set our standards: in the least we want no less then it was. But it always pays to want better then that. and sometimes to get better we have to get out of what it is.
It is scary, but absolutely necessary, unless you enjoy being in the same shit for the rest of your life…and maybe, into the next life as well for you never know if the tales about Karma are true and you’d have to repeat the lessons you didn’t learn until you’ll get it…I’m not much of the Karma-believer, but I can see the sense in that if you always do what you always done you will always get what you’ve been getting always …so yes, the real break through in dealing with the changes is in understanding that you have to do something different. Or sometimes – that you have to do something. Anything, really. Not just sit there, pondering what to do. But get up your arse and just do.
Not necessary do something about your problem. Just play the ice hockey. Or do something crazy…move your furniture around…if your room witnessed your worst moments of despair, your mind keeps photographs of your sorry state in this environment. Re-arrange something, even minor detail and the association of your state with background will fade away like an old black&white picture. You still remember it, but not with the same intensity anymore. I found the black&white trick very useful…just the right tool for my imagination. To de-intensify a painful memory you have to imagine it as a still image and then drain the colours out of it and move the black&white image away in your imagination, until it is very small at a distance…I can imagine it might not work well for someone else. But I do believe passionately in the more the better concept. In relation to alternatives. The more different ways you’ll try, more chances you’ll get of that you'll find at least one you can use. I think it is important to understand: there is no Ultimate Cure for any particular problem. But there are many cures out there and sometimes you have to try a lot of them before you find what works for you.