It was one of those days, that you might want to call – badhair day. It was also badface and badbody day, flavoured with badmood day too. you know how sometimes you look in the mirror and pull off your own eyes from it in an instant “uggghhh”. I’ve got a postit note on my mirror it says could’ve been worse, but even that didn’t help much. So I officially gave in and let it be a badlook day. I didn’t go dancing yesterday. And I don’t miss dancing unless I am unfit or away. That sums it up how bad it was.
I am writing about it because it made me think of how other people cope with similar issues. I mean – I walk on the streets and do not notice which one of the crowd is holding their self-esteem down at the ground level and which one is full of positive attitude. Generally it is only noticeable to the ones very close or in direct contact, but mostly, it seems to be a very internal trait. So it doesn’t really matter how I feel about myself, the others will always see different…just a thought resulted in the conclusion that I can see all I want about myself and can feel any way about it, it does not affect the way I am perceived by others. Unless, of course, I’d want to be bitchy because of it. I think it is all bullshit when we are told when we feel good about ourself we “radiate” good vibes. Unless we purposefully going around reaching out and sharing this radiance, generally no one notices. what's the point to make an effort then.
My son is in China now. he has traveled Asian World and so far has seen a lot of Japan, South Korea and some of China before settling in bejiin for a time being. Naturally, I’ve been looking up things he might be coming across over there. He is doing a good job putting travel pictures on the web, so I am travelling through his eyes. It is good. And totally unfamiliar world captured in photographs gives that sense of the scale how little we do know about distant corners of the planet. it's amazing! yet the same time many things look comfortably acceptable. An universal language of common perceptions of human mind. I’ve read somewhere on the web about water calligraphy in Bejiin. Artists dip long-handled brushes in water and produce delicately sculpted writing on pavers. These remain for a short while and then slowly evaporate, leaving a blank canvas for the next thought or expression. The concept entices me. a conversation that are not engraved in heart and soul forever, but only for the time from when the talk starts until it evaporates into silence, only to give space to the next one. How magically elusive is that.
There is a Fall in the air. Not quite here yet, but not exactly too far away. She waits around the corner and when the signs are here, she'll walk in accompanied by rustling sounds of sentimental notes, carrying whispering memories of the dead leaves on her sleeves. Magestic season. Strangely the only one that makes me feel alive. If I'm asked about what do I do with my life nowadays, I find it difficult to tell. I like this little poem off the web I found long time ago. perhaps, this is the most beautifully simple way to describe what do I do:
Yesterday I asked my dog What is your secret to life? He answered If it runs, chase it I asked, What if it doesn't run? He answered Just wait....~Klaus Joehle~
I’m waiting…