Two weeks passed rather quickly and I have returned to home sweet home. Leaving it has been a challenge somewhat, not as much in logistical sense, though walking across the sleeping town in the middle of the night to catch the last train and spend few pre-flight hours at airport didn’t appeal like fun thing to do. The neighbours asked me later why didn’t you asked us for a lift? I do not know why I didn’t. It never came to my mind to ask anyone for help. I just naturally relied on myself and no one else. It is all good. Not a big deal, so many people do it. But as I walked through the night I felt bitterness in my heart. No one to wave you bye, no one to greet you welcome…a thought that there is not a difference to the world if I stay or if I go. A somewhat unsettling thought with bitter taste, yes I am still sensitive to my insignificance. I guess, some things take more time to get used to, then other things. Generally I’m more in peace with the way my life turned out then I expected I would be. So I discarded this particular bitter taste knowing this too shall pass.
I’ve just had one of my obligatory travel adventures. I am slightly surprised that before the actual travel I didn’t feel same excitement as with my previous ones. No impatient anticipation, not a single sign of childish curiosity. It seemed to me that I was going only for the sake of going somewhere, anywhere, more out of the habit to go then for the sake of expanding my knowledge of the world. I didn’t put much heart into it and limited my planning to the hotel bookings only. Yet I enjoyed the adventure as much as I always do, but then I expected to enjoy it at least that much. And now it is over and things are back to normal in my kingdom. I might feel inspired to share some of the wonders of the worlds and cultures I explored. Right now I need a moment to settle down into my routine. It gives me a sense of peace when I do.
‘Tis My Season. Fall is. I feel related, I can’t explain it why, but I’d take the rolling in a pile of fallen leaves over playing with the dolphins on a crest of a wave any time. Autumn plays piano in my mind, soft instrumental improvisation in C minor key. Autumn walks with me silent pathways of my thoughts and dances with the memories. She is my Element. Or maybe I am – hers. Her peace is filled with whispers of the trees dropping their covers, one by one…I can imagine the essence of her spreading within my being with each sip of a warm drink by the old fireplace in the end of a day spent in unhurried wanderings among scattered bits of thoughts, dreams, sighs and notes. Autumn doesn’t have a schedule to adhere, doesn’t require things to happen on time, only when they are ready to happen. When a fruit is ripe, it falls. When a post it note is written, it falls down joining the pile of leaves on the ground, when a thought is…it finds her way out. Autumn is the soothing ending of the scorching stories written frantically in the heat of a summer. She is a deep breath announcing the coming of a Peace. Finally. Here and now there is that calm and stillness waiting to claim souls willing to surrender to it. And I am the first one to submit mine. She does not consume in flames, she takes in gradually, wraps you into wet scent of dilapidating leaves and you sink slowly dissolving into transparency of the air…you can tell I have a life-long love affair with the Fall.