MissTick
Thingish Things

Actually, it is not as dramatic as it sounds. It wasn’t one of those sinister silence you’d go hiding sulking to the whole world or humanity or someone in particular who has managed to colour your world blue. But my silence was just a pure luck of time, of energy of inspiration. I was away for a week at the beginning of this month and when returned home, everything was different. My Big Construction project has started finally and now I don’t even remember how my house looked Before. If you would ask me if I’d have an opportunity to jump back in time to the point of making this decision, would I do it again, I will say gee, no! New developments do not seem to please my heart, even when they go the way they need to go and bring the results I expect from them. Maybe it is because it was never for me, all these changes. Because it wasn’t as if I said to myself I fancy some changes to my house. I think when we are forced to do what we wouldn’t want to do otherwise, no matter how well it is done, we won’t feel that fuzzy “ohhhhilikeit” feeling. But never mind, it has to be done and done it will be then. And I will learn to like how it’s done. When it’s done, of course. Right now it is all in a very early stage. Early stage means – rearranged freshly plastered partition walls in the house confuse me with the directions, I’m getting lost in my own house forgetting where I was going every time when found a wall instead of expected opening. On the outside there is a newly built pretend-to-be-a-patio. It will grow walls eventually and will become an extra room...eventually. but for now it is just a shape and a lot of imagination needed to see potential. So that’s what my world is moving around lately. I’m spending my weekday’s evenings and my weekends painting, plastering, scrubbing and wallpapering and doing all sorts of other stuff-i-won’t-be-doing-otherwise. But the truth is, I can’t afford the completed job, And therefore am learning lots of skills I might never have to use again. Or should I say: I wish I will never have to use again?! I am not enjoying this. And I feel worn out with all the physical labour I’m doing on my overtime after my more or less intellectual full time job. Frankly speaking, the most wearing is not even the physical part of it. But making decisions, big and small, insignificant and the ones with the potential to affect everything else resulting in a bliss or nightmare in my After Life. Being me, I cannot just go and get things I see at a first click. I have to KNOW about them, pros and cons and why would I need to get this one and not the other one...and all that bollocks. I am tired. And irritated at having all this landed on my shoulders. I do like changes, but not as challenging. So there, I think, I’ve broken my recent silence with a perfectly balanced rant. Time to go back to the paintbrushes and rollers. Back to work, slave, back to work.