And I've been running out of it more and more lately...Have you noticed how, as we grow older, time around us speeds up and there we go - we don't have much of it in the end...I'm doing lots of things simultaneously... I am multitasking...But I'm getting nowhere, moving faster and faster, yet somehow managing to always stay behind...crazy times of dealing with the stuff that shouldn't be there to deal with...sometimes I think (and other times I'm told by my friends, wishing to be helpful) that I am making too much fuss about little matters...like - blowing them out of proportions and then stressing myself over inability to deal with it...and sometimes I know this is true and instead of trying to do things as they come to mind, I could just move them out of the way until "later"...Everybody in the Ideas department, please stand by and form an orderly queue. I can't do this kind of shit anymore. I've lost that knack for identifying priorities, not sure when and how this happened...and it doesn't really matter if I have a reason or not - it doesn't change the reality...
So, in a week time I'll be boarding a plane and leaving home on a mission, but instead of concentrating on packing up the stuff and thoughts, I am randomly diverting my attention to the things that could've wait till I am back, really...Solar battery has packed up in places, need new parts and a professional to fit them...silicon in the shower screaming for updating...crazy ideas for the gifts to make that required either time which I don't have, or skills I don't have, or money ditto...This journal pulls me in every time the notifies ping of friend's updates and I come, listen to my friends, admire work they've done on their diaries, wishing I'd have time to stay longer and have my say as well...play with pictures and fonts... have lots of ideas for decorating!...and work...don't forget - a full time job to squeeze in between all of these...hmmm...I am crazy...all of this could've wait...well, except from work, work makes my bank happy, so this is a default priority atm...
So, today I came to read...and I said to myself: do you really have no time or have you been wasting it on unimportant stuff...so, here I am, after telling myself off for neglecting things that truly bring me joy...And making a note of it, here and now...and it feels a little bit uneasy on the edges as I remember well how it felt the same already... once...felt that time is running out on me...that's when I stopped coming here...for quite a while...but the truth is...I think, that it is not the time who is running away, it is me who became unwise in her choices of how to spend it...
Only time will tell...