Yahoo! I did have to drive J to work where he left his car and was a little late getting to church but we made it!! I miss it and love being there! It feels so good,......
Life is FAST. Mine flies by a lot. Days melt into each other. Weeks go by, Seasons, years. I feel sucked dry of energy sometimes. I think I feel that way because of my lifestlye. I don't eat or sleep right. I run myself ragged when awake during the days and miss out on way too much of the good stuff. If I don't stop sooon I will really regret it.
Today I made it to church. I then came home, could barely stand up to make lunch but I did and I ate and at least tried to wake up a little more, but then had to go nap. I slept till my cousin was putting my kids to bed at 9. I started a period and I just got off of one a couple of weeks ago. I was really moody the other night and wasn't sure why, and now I know. None of my jeans would fit, had to run out and buy more pads. Glad I wore underwear to church! I think it's stress. I know I'm not pregnant!
Got a new house phone. Hate talking on the phones, but worried I won't have it when I need it. Worried about money. Getting ready to go on a trip. Going through pop, ciggs, toilet paper, food, everything way too fast with this many mouths to feed and I know I am enablig a lot but having trouble drawing the lines. Need to talk to Rachel soon, see her tomorrow. Gotta get some help before this really does hurt me, fiancially, emotionally, physically. I am in a situation involving too many factors right now. I am trying, I am stocking up as much as possible, I gave them a room to sleep in and can't wait to start watching tv here again, and God knows I am trying to make this work. I am only one person, though, with a low income. I have a lot of love and good intentons, not always the best resources. I bought some oj and vodka yesterday wanting to drink a little, drank the tiniest amount and got bored. I am not good at drinking, I always drink too little and rarely have drank too much. It's hard to make myself just relax, I feel like I have to be on guard.
I got a new app for my ipod and listened to it to try and relax. It said that if you are in this place where you feel like you are just too busy to relax that that is when you need to the most. That is how I am. I need it the most now. I need more peace. No more smoking, except rolled ciggs. Less pop, more water. No more splurges for a while. See if I can bring a packed lunch to my friend's house Thursday instead of trying to eat out. Less driving outside of town. No adding minutes to one cell phone yet. Cut back, cut back, cut back, and maybe i will still be able to get around the city when I arrive for my trip next month.
My birthday is coming up, and I may take the girls to the circus, but don't want to spend any extra money right now! Better then just sitting around for the day, I guess! Sometimes I wonder if I'll have to cancel my trip next month, I hope not! It's very important to me and many others!!!
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UPDATE
cousin and bf moved out the next day after my therapy session, I asked my friend if we could reschedule lunch ahead of time knowing I wasn't going to have any money to spare, J came to the circus with us and helped buy the girls tickets, souvineers, nachos, and lunch, and that's about it for now