Hi!
Right now I'm at my dads, and soon I'll have a little more time to get to write on here, and I'm sure I'll need it! Tonight I get to go back to t and J's house, our house, my new house, but tuesday, from school I'm going to moms till friday night or saturday morning, depending on when dad can pick me up, then I stay at his place with him till sunday night. This is the longest I'll be away from t and j, and I can't stand being away for only the weekend sometimes!
Well, I'm going to try to update a little so bear with me. Today I woke up here at dads, my second cousin spent the night with me, Cilla, and I woke up at about ten, and I looked down, her face, she was using my boobs for a pillow! She just looked up at me, her expression saying what? Appearantly my boobs were more comfortable then the pillow, I wonder how long she was laying on me like that.
So after I brushed my teeth when she went downstairs to get breakfast I took three of these metaboless,like metabolife that I stole from her house, which is also my older sisters and her dads. I just dumped a bunch of the pills into this napkin, and I don't feel bad, I don't feel quilty or regret it, I don't usually steal things, though. But once I took 5 of those pills, and I couldn't eat if you payed me to, and a way I've decided to deal with not being at my new comfort home, my foster house, was by well, it may sound stupid, but coming back thinner, and I'm going to be doing a lot of crap, too, because with controlling stuff like that, I am going to be able to handle it, esp. Thanksgiving,... although my real one will be at lunchtime on tuesday, rotc is having a feast, everyone who brings food in gets to eat the other food, and I think I'll take 5 of the pills then, and just take some cookies in that I'm going to bake, and not eat, maybe miss out completely and just go into the library to read or something. I'm also buying some laxes today, I bought 60 once, I had to sneak it at this one store where I usually get them before I take a bunch, but I need to buy more. I can't decided when to take them, though, so I'll probably end up taking them on Thanksgiving break, but it may be easier to take them tonight, because by the time they take effect I'll be at t and J's house, and they know I have done it before, but they can be easily fooled that I'll have the flu, like my real mom should know better by now, and my dad will recognize the signs, when I'm sick and dehydrated and weak, going to the bathroom all of the time. So the problem there is mostly having to miss school tomorrow, which, as long as T and J really think it's the flu, that won't be a problem, and I will lie if I have to, and T, maybe knowing I didn't have any money before mom gave me ten dollars she owed me, she may ask me if I had used my allowance on laxes, but I'll say of course not, and bring sonmething I own at dads and claim to have bought it. I don't know. I'm really stuck, because I'll probably need the laxes later when at moms anyway, but because I can fool t and j more, I may even wait till next sunday night, if I could. But if I buy enough tonight, I may like practice with taking a smaller portion of them tonight. But then again, I see my therapist tomorrow, after school. I love seeing her, she's quiet, understands even weird things I say sometimes, et cetera.
Oh, what T had said, was mean, but she doesn't know how to words things in a more sensitive way, like, she had said, Maybe it would have been better if we let you stay at ada's, the first foster mom I had in that neighborhood where T wanted me out of because she was scared I'd get hurt real bad, like raped by the guys out there, or beat by the foster sister I had. So no matter why she said that, it hurt, I transferred it as saying, maybe it would have been better to have left you where we were scared for your life then to take you in and love you so much you couldn't stand leaving every weekend to visit with parents who have hurt you for your last 16 years of life. Elizabeth, my therapist understood how pained I felt, I went in to school, stood in my gym class abnd started rying really bad, until my teacher gave me a pass to the counselors office where they let me sit inside an office, calling Elizabeth, who listened to me and cared. Later Elizabeth had called T to ask her to join us at our next meeting, and when T talked to me with J later that night, she was very hurt to, she thought I had called Elizabeth to complain and say how bad she was, and how mean and how hard it is to put up with her. T looked at me, and said aske J what he thinks of me, I didn't sya anything and so T went on, he thinks I'm an asshole like you, and elizabeth and everyone else thiniks, to.
J told me later he told her that maybe she was being a little too hard on me. But I'm feeling better about that now, she was just upset for some reasons herself, and like she told me when she apologized, she's human, and she didn't mean what she said.
I have some exciting news to mention, so look out for my actually good news entries! :)
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Thank you for my cxongrats on my report card, I'm so proud of it myself!
Since I was on here earlier, I've had so much to do,... Today, I realized that I was a lot more energetic, I really can't sit or stand very still, I'm very shaky today,... but it was so nice when we had to go out to eat, I chose a plain ham and cheese sandwich, ate less then half because I wasn't hungry, all I could do was look at it, I felt sick even picking up to take a little nibble out of it, so I took the rest home in a to go box, I will not eat it. I did drink two diet pops so that's all that will really be in my system today.
When we left there we had to get a paper then Dad dropped me off at a nursing home where I had an interview to work there doing dietary things, and the lady was very nice, I had to fill out another application, and we talked a little, and then I had a TB test done, and it has to be read in the next 48-72 hours, then I can have another one done, and I may, as long as I get a new physical and fill out a bunch of work related papers, get to start by like saturday, or even friday, and sat. or sun I'll have another TB test done on my left arm.
I've decided I want to try and take like 20 of my laxatives, I bought 60 more, tonight. See how T and J react, I have to be extra careful, though. I want to and think I may still get to go to school tomorrow. And I have my therapy meeting, so we'll see how it goes. I'll try to write about the cncert and Blake Shelton next time I'm on here take care
Right now I'm at my dads, and soon I'll have a little more time to get to write on here, and I'm sure I'll need it! Tonight I get to go back to t and J's house, our house, my new house, but tuesday, from school I'm going to moms till friday night or saturday morning, depending on when dad can pick me up, then I stay at his place with him till sunday night. This is the longest I'll be away from t and j, and I can't stand being away for only the weekend sometimes!
Well, I'm going to try to update a little so bear with me. Today I woke up here at dads, my second cousin spent the night with me, Cilla, and I woke up at about ten, and I looked down, her face, she was using my boobs for a pillow! She just looked up at me, her expression saying what? Appearantly my boobs were more comfortable then the pillow, I wonder how long she was laying on me like that.
So after I brushed my teeth when she went downstairs to get breakfast I took three of these metaboless,like metabolife that I stole from her house, which is also my older sisters and her dads. I just dumped a bunch of the pills into this napkin, and I don't feel bad, I don't feel quilty or regret it, I don't usually steal things, though. But once I took 5 of those pills, and I couldn't eat if you payed me to, and a way I've decided to deal with not being at my new comfort home, my foster house, was by well, it may sound stupid, but coming back thinner, and I'm going to be doing a lot of crap, too, because with controlling stuff like that, I am going to be able to handle it, esp. Thanksgiving,... although my real one will be at lunchtime on tuesday, rotc is having a feast, everyone who brings food in gets to eat the other food, and I think I'll take 5 of the pills then, and just take some cookies in that I'm going to bake, and not eat, maybe miss out completely and just go into the library to read or something. I'm also buying some laxes today, I bought 60 once, I had to sneak it at this one store where I usually get them before I take a bunch, but I need to buy more. I can't decided when to take them, though, so I'll probably end up taking them on Thanksgiving break, but it may be easier to take them tonight, because by the time they take effect I'll be at t and J's house, and they know I have done it before, but they can be easily fooled that I'll have the flu, like my real mom should know better by now, and my dad will recognize the signs, when I'm sick and dehydrated and weak, going to the bathroom all of the time. So the problem there is mostly having to miss school tomorrow, which, as long as T and J really think it's the flu, that won't be a problem, and I will lie if I have to, and T, maybe knowing I didn't have any money before mom gave me ten dollars she owed me, she may ask me if I had used my allowance on laxes, but I'll say of course not, and bring sonmething I own at dads and claim to have bought it. I don't know. I'm really stuck, because I'll probably need the laxes later when at moms anyway, but because I can fool t and j more, I may even wait till next sunday night, if I could. But if I buy enough tonight, I may like practice with taking a smaller portion of them tonight. But then again, I see my therapist tomorrow, after school. I love seeing her, she's quiet, understands even weird things I say sometimes, et cetera.
Oh, what T had said, was mean, but she doesn't know how to words things in a more sensitive way, like, she had said, Maybe it would have been better if we let you stay at ada's, the first foster mom I had in that neighborhood where T wanted me out of because she was scared I'd get hurt real bad, like raped by the guys out there, or beat by the foster sister I had. So no matter why she said that, it hurt, I transferred it as saying, maybe it would have been better to have left you where we were scared for your life then to take you in and love you so much you couldn't stand leaving every weekend to visit with parents who have hurt you for your last 16 years of life. Elizabeth, my therapist understood how pained I felt, I went in to school, stood in my gym class abnd started rying really bad, until my teacher gave me a pass to the counselors office where they let me sit inside an office, calling Elizabeth, who listened to me and cared. Later Elizabeth had called T to ask her to join us at our next meeting, and when T talked to me with J later that night, she was very hurt to, she thought I had called Elizabeth to complain and say how bad she was, and how mean and how hard it is to put up with her. T looked at me, and said aske J what he thinks of me, I didn't sya anything and so T went on, he thinks I'm an asshole like you, and elizabeth and everyone else thiniks, to.
J told me later he told her that maybe she was being a little too hard on me. But I'm feeling better about that now, she was just upset for some reasons herself, and like she told me when she apologized, she's human, and she didn't mean what she said.
I have some exciting news to mention, so look out for my actually good news entries! :)
*******************************************************************************
Thank you for my cxongrats on my report card, I'm so proud of it myself!
Since I was on here earlier, I've had so much to do,... Today, I realized that I was a lot more energetic, I really can't sit or stand very still, I'm very shaky today,... but it was so nice when we had to go out to eat, I chose a plain ham and cheese sandwich, ate less then half because I wasn't hungry, all I could do was look at it, I felt sick even picking up to take a little nibble out of it, so I took the rest home in a to go box, I will not eat it. I did drink two diet pops so that's all that will really be in my system today.
When we left there we had to get a paper then Dad dropped me off at a nursing home where I had an interview to work there doing dietary things, and the lady was very nice, I had to fill out another application, and we talked a little, and then I had a TB test done, and it has to be read in the next 48-72 hours, then I can have another one done, and I may, as long as I get a new physical and fill out a bunch of work related papers, get to start by like saturday, or even friday, and sat. or sun I'll have another TB test done on my left arm.
I've decided I want to try and take like 20 of my laxatives, I bought 60 more, tonight. See how T and J react, I have to be extra careful, though. I want to and think I may still get to go to school tomorrow. And I have my therapy meeting, so we'll see how it goes. I'll try to write about the cncert and Blake Shelton next time I'm on here take care