Wow,... it's been so long, as usual. I have been so busy, but soon I'll be on Christmas break and so hopefully I'll have a little more time to write on here.
Right now I'm waiting for my foster dad to come pick me up from my Grandma's, I have to take the bus here a lot because my f. mom works late and dad get's off a couple of hours after I do from school, but it works out.
I started a new job for when I'm here on the weekends visiting my real family, I work at a nursing home. I love it sometimes, but I'm always tired on weekends, and kind of depressed, I'd much rather skip the weekends, go striaght to the next week, school and all. I mean, I'm so much better and happier at my foster home,. of course I want to stay there all the time, I have to move out at the end of the school year as it is.
I miss the therapist I used to have, but I really like my new one and other counselors a lot. She could tell I'm a left brainer, I heard that from someone once because I'm more of a reading and writing kind of intellectual, so we started 3 notebooks to write in together, esp. because we don't have enough time for sessions, I have one where I write a bunch of pages in it, then she takes it home with her, reads it, writes back to me, and while she has that one I havce a second one to write in, and once I left the second onbe at the office, and so I started a thhird one she thought was cute because I wwrote emergency, confidential back up noteebook on it.
She understands me too well, too. She will ask me to go on with my thought any time I may stop talking and say oh, never mind or something, and she just really seems to be interested in what I'm saying, not just in getting ity oover with and me leaving, and she feels things too, like one thing I wrote to her about, about how I used to sometimes feel like a little whore, she wrote at the end of her page that she was struck, and saddened to hear that I "sometimes feel like a little whore." she also can tell how I really feel, how painful it is to be so happy and lliving with people I love and knowing I'll be leaving soon. And when I asked her, out of curiosity where she reads my pages at, she asked me what I thought, I said that I guessed she read it after meeting with us or her last clients in the office, and she said how would you feel if I told you I take our notebooks home and read them? I smiled, felt really touched and just said it sounds like you put overtime in for me. Shje then asked if that made me feel like quilty, or good, I said really good, and special, because that's her decision to take it home and read and I think she likes to, or she wouldn't do it. I'm really goinng to miss her when thjey close the case, too. Shje may be my 6th therapist since age 9, but also probably my last, and m,ayI'll be ready by then, to start living my own life.
I've got a cold today and have been so busy mostly orking, not sleeping much over the weekend. I'm aloso tired now, because we had a two hour drive each way to a like half hoour field trip, and I slept the whole time, first leaning on a good friends shoulder,.. he's a good friend, I can't really go out with him, but it's nice to have a friend, even of the opposite sex where you can be comfortable enough around each other to lay like that, soemone that saw us told me we looked like a cute couple. Oh, well. That's how my school is, a lot of people there don't understand some of the mosty wonderful, like lessons, like you can be friends withoput goiung ouyt with each other.
This girl made me upset, I woke up hearing these two girls on the bus shrieking about lunch, because my commander said we didn't have time to eat today, kidding, one girl yelled I'm anemic, I need food and the other girl said that she was bulimic, and needed food to throw up. I thought about throwing my lunch bag at her.
Well, I gotta go now and rest my stuffy head, but happy holidays if I don't get another chance to write before then! ~Mary
Right now I'm waiting for my foster dad to come pick me up from my Grandma's, I have to take the bus here a lot because my f. mom works late and dad get's off a couple of hours after I do from school, but it works out.
I started a new job for when I'm here on the weekends visiting my real family, I work at a nursing home. I love it sometimes, but I'm always tired on weekends, and kind of depressed, I'd much rather skip the weekends, go striaght to the next week, school and all. I mean, I'm so much better and happier at my foster home,. of course I want to stay there all the time, I have to move out at the end of the school year as it is.
I miss the therapist I used to have, but I really like my new one and other counselors a lot. She could tell I'm a left brainer, I heard that from someone once because I'm more of a reading and writing kind of intellectual, so we started 3 notebooks to write in together, esp. because we don't have enough time for sessions, I have one where I write a bunch of pages in it, then she takes it home with her, reads it, writes back to me, and while she has that one I havce a second one to write in, and once I left the second onbe at the office, and so I started a thhird one she thought was cute because I wwrote emergency, confidential back up noteebook on it.
She understands me too well, too. She will ask me to go on with my thought any time I may stop talking and say oh, never mind or something, and she just really seems to be interested in what I'm saying, not just in getting ity oover with and me leaving, and she feels things too, like one thing I wrote to her about, about how I used to sometimes feel like a little whore, she wrote at the end of her page that she was struck, and saddened to hear that I "sometimes feel like a little whore." she also can tell how I really feel, how painful it is to be so happy and lliving with people I love and knowing I'll be leaving soon. And when I asked her, out of curiosity where she reads my pages at, she asked me what I thought, I said that I guessed she read it after meeting with us or her last clients in the office, and she said how would you feel if I told you I take our notebooks home and read them? I smiled, felt really touched and just said it sounds like you put overtime in for me. Shje then asked if that made me feel like quilty, or good, I said really good, and special, because that's her decision to take it home and read and I think she likes to, or she wouldn't do it. I'm really goinng to miss her when thjey close the case, too. Shje may be my 6th therapist since age 9, but also probably my last, and m,ayI'll be ready by then, to start living my own life.
I've got a cold today and have been so busy mostly orking, not sleeping much over the weekend. I'm aloso tired now, because we had a two hour drive each way to a like half hoour field trip, and I slept the whole time, first leaning on a good friends shoulder,.. he's a good friend, I can't really go out with him, but it's nice to have a friend, even of the opposite sex where you can be comfortable enough around each other to lay like that, soemone that saw us told me we looked like a cute couple. Oh, well. That's how my school is, a lot of people there don't understand some of the mosty wonderful, like lessons, like you can be friends withoput goiung ouyt with each other.
This girl made me upset, I woke up hearing these two girls on the bus shrieking about lunch, because my commander said we didn't have time to eat today, kidding, one girl yelled I'm anemic, I need food and the other girl said that she was bulimic, and needed food to throw up. I thought about throwing my lunch bag at her.
Well, I gotta go now and rest my stuffy head, but happy holidays if I don't get another chance to write before then! ~Mary