First, not exactly a poem but some words I have said or thought to myself today.
I am bulimic. I like what I am. I wish I were more. I wish I was an anoretic. I wish I were dead. Great words, huh? I don't know where they came from, I just kept saying them to myself on the way home from Cilla's school tonight.
She looks in the mirror, and hates what she sees.
She thinks to herself, could that really be me?
That disgusting sight, face, arms, hips, butt,
The thighs, oh, how she hates the thighs, and what a huge gut!
She hates herself, and that is why
She hates the reflection staring back at her
In the mirror.
I did that from the op of my head, but I think I'll think more on it and make up a new one, one that really really explains how I feel about my body and about the eating disorder. I hate the body, love the eating disorder. Sometimes I hate the body and hate the eating disorder. Right now I love the ed, but I'm tired of i. And just plain tired.
Last night I went to work after school, not wanting to go, very tired and I fell asleep in most of my classes after finding out that I was finally an official sophmore. OH MY GOSH. Teri just had the whole family come in the family room to see this gigantic green spider, and what do you know? It's rubber. I put it on her a couple of times. Anyways,...
I went to work, to have my manager ask me why I was there. I said slowly, like he was retarded or something, well, I'm here to work. He said I wasn't scheduled. They have been giving me a few weird hours. He let me work anyway and I got super tired from these pils I took,These blue ones I had, if you take them on an empty stomach they'll help you throw up. I just felt nasueas, dizzy and super tired. Duh!!! dizziness and drowsiness may occur. I shouldn't have taken 5!!! I left wok an hour early and went to sleep around 6 last night. Missed the bus to sleep more stayed home today. Was very busy.
I ate 2 bites of a sandwich at wendys for lunch, and drank some diet pop, and then got a haircutt that looks super!!!!! and then came home late for our counseing meeting, we went over my chart they give me now, With the extra cutting, throwing up and not sleeping before midnight, and not taking my pill, I still managed to get more positive points then negative ones, and I told the truth. I walked around so much I might as well not have eaten anything today. I rollerbladed, walked to Cilla's school for a bake sale, to see people I know and eat and then go to the little bathroom stall and hurl, walked up to a store to buy a birthstone necklace to go with a shirt that I have, it says Pisces on it, with two aquamarine fishes kissing, et cetera.
Well, gotta go. Goodnight.
I am bulimic. I like what I am. I wish I were more. I wish I was an anoretic. I wish I were dead. Great words, huh? I don't know where they came from, I just kept saying them to myself on the way home from Cilla's school tonight.
She looks in the mirror, and hates what she sees.
She thinks to herself, could that really be me?
That disgusting sight, face, arms, hips, butt,
The thighs, oh, how she hates the thighs, and what a huge gut!
She hates herself, and that is why
She hates the reflection staring back at her
In the mirror.
I did that from the op of my head, but I think I'll think more on it and make up a new one, one that really really explains how I feel about my body and about the eating disorder. I hate the body, love the eating disorder. Sometimes I hate the body and hate the eating disorder. Right now I love the ed, but I'm tired of i. And just plain tired.
Last night I went to work after school, not wanting to go, very tired and I fell asleep in most of my classes after finding out that I was finally an official sophmore. OH MY GOSH. Teri just had the whole family come in the family room to see this gigantic green spider, and what do you know? It's rubber. I put it on her a couple of times. Anyways,...
I went to work, to have my manager ask me why I was there. I said slowly, like he was retarded or something, well, I'm here to work. He said I wasn't scheduled. They have been giving me a few weird hours. He let me work anyway and I got super tired from these pils I took,These blue ones I had, if you take them on an empty stomach they'll help you throw up. I just felt nasueas, dizzy and super tired. Duh!!! dizziness and drowsiness may occur. I shouldn't have taken 5!!! I left wok an hour early and went to sleep around 6 last night. Missed the bus to sleep more stayed home today. Was very busy.
I ate 2 bites of a sandwich at wendys for lunch, and drank some diet pop, and then got a haircutt that looks super!!!!! and then came home late for our counseing meeting, we went over my chart they give me now, With the extra cutting, throwing up and not sleeping before midnight, and not taking my pill, I still managed to get more positive points then negative ones, and I told the truth. I walked around so much I might as well not have eaten anything today. I rollerbladed, walked to Cilla's school for a bake sale, to see people I know and eat and then go to the little bathroom stall and hurl, walked up to a store to buy a birthstone necklace to go with a shirt that I have, it says Pisces on it, with two aquamarine fishes kissing, et cetera.
Well, gotta go. Goodnight.