After taking my pill and just not being able to sleep, and watching Gilligans Island while getting stuff ready for school around or 3 in the morning, I wake up to the sound of Teri's baby doll crying. Teri was up getting ready for school and I said can't YOU do it? when she said get the key. I am miserable, I don't know what's going on, but I guess, pregnant or not, I'm on my period, and it's like the heaviest one I have had since I started! Seriously, if you're male and reading this pay no mind to this but when I woke up, I might as wll have been sitting in a pool filled with bood, it felt that way. I wore a tampon and pad, too! luckily, the couch is ok, but my underwear had to go.YUCK.
So I was feeling like that and taking care of the problem and needless to say, when I ran out, the bus was leaving. I was grossed out, felt sick and very tired. I went back to sleep, mom woke up and yelled at me, I called my dad and he said that he would pick me up in half an hour. Mom left, I fell back asleep. 2 hours later, someone said, Mary? I woke up, looked in the hallway and realized that my dad was standing there, he was the one waking me up. I rubbed my eyes, igured I was still dreaming. I mena, really! This guy has been inside our house maybe a total of three times in the last four years!!! In fact, by court he is not allowed to come in at all. So wjhy was he inside waking me up???
It was so hard for me, emotionally. I mean, that was my dad! He was inside like he lives here still, like were an almost complete family. A very disfunctional family we are, but at that moment it seemed like we were all there.
I had this email where I took a test for the fun of it, and I chose the horse first out of the 5 animals that they gave me to choose from and that supposably means that my top priority in life is my family. At first I laughed, Haha. Then I thought about it, it is one of my top prorities if not my first, but the thing is it doesn't seem like it. I thought about how much the few times with pour family means to me, like how when a long, long time ago we sat down at our dining room table and ate dinner as a family, now it just get's covered with laundry and stuff, and how much it bothers me when Teri does certain things, like ignores you and all, because you're part of the family that in her own way, she always says she hates. I love what I'm missing with our family, but that's the thing, too, my mind hasn't gotten to understand that you lve what you have, not just what you want. You can't change people, et cetera.
Maybe it would NOT be so good to be pregnant. I mean, I could give a child all of the love I have if I had and got to keep one, but I wouldn't give them the things that I want for myself, too, a dad that plays catch with you, a mom that bakes cookies (I don't think Brian has ever touched a ball before and I can't even bake premade cookies!) and even my mom as a grandmother to the child, I mean, I love my Grandma so much, but I can't see my mom giving a baby of mine love like she gives to me, becauise mom doesn't show me that love.
As soon as I gpot to school and signed in, it was my lunchtime so I walked to the nurses office and I sat down, said hi to her and David, and then she said someone is sleepy, I started crying. I couldn't help it and eventually didn't care. I only had three classes after that, then I went home, and got to work, and had a nice time there, and came home. Tomorrow will be so much better, I'll make sure of that!
So I was feeling like that and taking care of the problem and needless to say, when I ran out, the bus was leaving. I was grossed out, felt sick and very tired. I went back to sleep, mom woke up and yelled at me, I called my dad and he said that he would pick me up in half an hour. Mom left, I fell back asleep. 2 hours later, someone said, Mary? I woke up, looked in the hallway and realized that my dad was standing there, he was the one waking me up. I rubbed my eyes, igured I was still dreaming. I mena, really! This guy has been inside our house maybe a total of three times in the last four years!!! In fact, by court he is not allowed to come in at all. So wjhy was he inside waking me up???
It was so hard for me, emotionally. I mean, that was my dad! He was inside like he lives here still, like were an almost complete family. A very disfunctional family we are, but at that moment it seemed like we were all there.
I had this email where I took a test for the fun of it, and I chose the horse first out of the 5 animals that they gave me to choose from and that supposably means that my top priority in life is my family. At first I laughed, Haha. Then I thought about it, it is one of my top prorities if not my first, but the thing is it doesn't seem like it. I thought about how much the few times with pour family means to me, like how when a long, long time ago we sat down at our dining room table and ate dinner as a family, now it just get's covered with laundry and stuff, and how much it bothers me when Teri does certain things, like ignores you and all, because you're part of the family that in her own way, she always says she hates. I love what I'm missing with our family, but that's the thing, too, my mind hasn't gotten to understand that you lve what you have, not just what you want. You can't change people, et cetera.
Maybe it would NOT be so good to be pregnant. I mean, I could give a child all of the love I have if I had and got to keep one, but I wouldn't give them the things that I want for myself, too, a dad that plays catch with you, a mom that bakes cookies (I don't think Brian has ever touched a ball before and I can't even bake premade cookies!) and even my mom as a grandmother to the child, I mean, I love my Grandma so much, but I can't see my mom giving a baby of mine love like she gives to me, becauise mom doesn't show me that love.
As soon as I gpot to school and signed in, it was my lunchtime so I walked to the nurses office and I sat down, said hi to her and David, and then she said someone is sleepy, I started crying. I couldn't help it and eventually didn't care. I only had three classes after that, then I went home, and got to work, and had a nice time there, and came home. Tomorrow will be so much better, I'll make sure of that!