This is going to be a very hard entry for me to write. I'm really nervous now, now that I am back home. I don't know where to begin, even. I'll do the best I can and if my therapist stops by I'll get off of here and update the rest when he leaves.
I'll just say it short and sweet, I can't give too many details out yet or expliane much, and a lot of people that may read this may be very disappointyed in me, I haven't talked to many people yet that know about it, so I'm still preparing myself, for a lot of attention I'll get from something VERY negative. I'm not making that much sense here, am I?
Wednesday night. Around 1:00. Here I am, bored, ready to sleep but not tired. All of a sudden before I can get on here to write, I get a call. It's Brian, he spent the night at a friends house and was calling to have me remind mom who left around 11, that he said he couldn't walk Cilla to school the next day. I thought great, I have to stay awake to let mom know, or Cilla won't have a way to school, and when mom is "out" there is no way to get ahold of her. I tried, anyway, called her pager, cell phone, et cetera. Then I was bored, so I called Brian vback, sing the num. off of caller id, just to talk. I did, I also talked to his friend, they were drunk and had drank like a case of beer, and I was like at one point, I should just walk over there. His friend said to bring condoms, I ignored that, and Brian asked me not to, but I wasn't really going to, but then he said well, if you are, bring some hotdogs and two packs of my ciiggs, he ran out and they were hungry. I said let me use the restroom and I'll call you back to let you know.
I decided to, so I went, stopped at a donut shop for a cappichino and they gave me a bag of free donuts (do I look like I'm starving or something???) and I walked the half hour or so up there, feeling tired by then, scaared of the two cops cars I saw on the way, and sick from the capp. that burned my throat and filled my empty stomach, and also worried about all of the few cars, not the ones that the drivers rolled down there windows and asked me if I wanted a ride. I could tell this one guy was serious and ok, but said no, thanks. I was being safe. Ha.
I get there, see the friend I just met and Brian, we talk, chill, and then a guy comes over, rols a joint and lets me have beer, brb later please don't be too mad!
Ok, Steve is still here, and everyone is in a rush, (come on Mary, log off!) Gosh, I'm the one who has been home only for a couple of hours so far in the last maybe 5, 6 days!
Ok, let's make this shorter, I went there, and I smoked the joint which I'm convinced was laced with something, with Brians friend and the guy, I drank two beers, then the guy who was going to drive me home wouldn't, after I was high he said no, he said before that that he would. I walked home, almost, high really really high with the 2 beers and the joint, and then I stopped a cop who took me, I acted like I was sleeping because mom came shortly after that and she knew I wasn't, asleep, not knowing I was drunk and high, well, after she went tpo sleep I had the bright idea to kill myself. I weakly managed to get the advil, I had 100 of, take a lot of them, fall asleep, let's just say I had a weird waking up
Teri tried to wake me up for school, appearantly she thought I was dead, I was barely moving. Before falling asleep I thought I was having a heart attack, my heart was beating so fast. I smiled, thought goodbye, world. When mom kept hitting me the next mrning after Teri left, I yelled, really bad, I yelled leave me the fuck alone!! I ran, fell asleep on the couch. I woke up finally a little concious when there was some police officers and medics. I got discharged from the psych. unit today and have been home for about 2 hours. I'm getting yelled at, so I have to go, my mom missed me, she hasn't been able to have an attitude until the EXACT MOMENT we got in the door. I was high, tried to die and lived. more later. I'm better, but like I said, nervous, I have to use this spring break to kind of adjust, mom is giving me a headache, I wiht hat home was like the hospital, "safe" yelling, confrontations, et cetera. It's not, this is Moms home. :( I should be on here later,.... I'm scared. I feel like I've been adopted and taken from a good home, the hospital to a bad home, my home :(
I'll just say it short and sweet, I can't give too many details out yet or expliane much, and a lot of people that may read this may be very disappointyed in me, I haven't talked to many people yet that know about it, so I'm still preparing myself, for a lot of attention I'll get from something VERY negative. I'm not making that much sense here, am I?
Wednesday night. Around 1:00. Here I am, bored, ready to sleep but not tired. All of a sudden before I can get on here to write, I get a call. It's Brian, he spent the night at a friends house and was calling to have me remind mom who left around 11, that he said he couldn't walk Cilla to school the next day. I thought great, I have to stay awake to let mom know, or Cilla won't have a way to school, and when mom is "out" there is no way to get ahold of her. I tried, anyway, called her pager, cell phone, et cetera. Then I was bored, so I called Brian vback, sing the num. off of caller id, just to talk. I did, I also talked to his friend, they were drunk and had drank like a case of beer, and I was like at one point, I should just walk over there. His friend said to bring condoms, I ignored that, and Brian asked me not to, but I wasn't really going to, but then he said well, if you are, bring some hotdogs and two packs of my ciiggs, he ran out and they were hungry. I said let me use the restroom and I'll call you back to let you know.
I decided to, so I went, stopped at a donut shop for a cappichino and they gave me a bag of free donuts (do I look like I'm starving or something???) and I walked the half hour or so up there, feeling tired by then, scaared of the two cops cars I saw on the way, and sick from the capp. that burned my throat and filled my empty stomach, and also worried about all of the few cars, not the ones that the drivers rolled down there windows and asked me if I wanted a ride. I could tell this one guy was serious and ok, but said no, thanks. I was being safe. Ha.
I get there, see the friend I just met and Brian, we talk, chill, and then a guy comes over, rols a joint and lets me have beer, brb later please don't be too mad!
Ok, Steve is still here, and everyone is in a rush, (come on Mary, log off!) Gosh, I'm the one who has been home only for a couple of hours so far in the last maybe 5, 6 days!
Ok, let's make this shorter, I went there, and I smoked the joint which I'm convinced was laced with something, with Brians friend and the guy, I drank two beers, then the guy who was going to drive me home wouldn't, after I was high he said no, he said before that that he would. I walked home, almost, high really really high with the 2 beers and the joint, and then I stopped a cop who took me, I acted like I was sleeping because mom came shortly after that and she knew I wasn't, asleep, not knowing I was drunk and high, well, after she went tpo sleep I had the bright idea to kill myself. I weakly managed to get the advil, I had 100 of, take a lot of them, fall asleep, let's just say I had a weird waking up
Teri tried to wake me up for school, appearantly she thought I was dead, I was barely moving. Before falling asleep I thought I was having a heart attack, my heart was beating so fast. I smiled, thought goodbye, world. When mom kept hitting me the next mrning after Teri left, I yelled, really bad, I yelled leave me the fuck alone!! I ran, fell asleep on the couch. I woke up finally a little concious when there was some police officers and medics. I got discharged from the psych. unit today and have been home for about 2 hours. I'm getting yelled at, so I have to go, my mom missed me, she hasn't been able to have an attitude until the EXACT MOMENT we got in the door. I was high, tried to die and lived. more later. I'm better, but like I said, nervous, I have to use this spring break to kind of adjust, mom is giving me a headache, I wiht hat home was like the hospital, "safe" yelling, confrontations, et cetera. It's not, this is Moms home. :( I should be on here later,.... I'm scared. I feel like I've been adopted and taken from a good home, the hospital to a bad home, my home :(