When I look out in the backyard, I don’t just look at the plants, I look at what needs to be done to them. I don’t just see our peach tree, I see ‘that peach tree needs pruned’. The front porch should be cleared of clutter. There’s baking to do and I have to go shopping for food. I need to get a hair cut, and organize the family photos from the last few months. I have things to get together for the trip north to see my parents, which reminds me I don’t have a gift yet for S. my friend who lives up there too. Add that to the shopping list. And the garage, don’t EVEN get me started on the garage. It is hideous out there.
Now the things listed so far are just infrastructure. How about my self-imposed tasks that I think I should be doing as a spiritually aware, creative, sentient being? In no particular order of importance: Meditating, practicing the piano, doing my Hebrew translation work. Making handmade paper so I can do some gourd crafting. I have quilts ready to be made. I should be studying Torah or reading psalms every day. Baking bread ( to stay in practice). Doing yoga an extra day during the week on my own. Writing down all my food intake because I want to lose 5 more pounds. Walking every day even though my walking buddy is not available all this week. Practicing writing, learning to express what’s going on in a coherent way. (hurry up on that one will ya’?….) Hell, I should even be organizing my hopelessly jumbled tupperware cupboard ! (I think this is in the wrong category, but that’s my POINT, it all gets mashed up together and all these things are falling all over each other in my poor beleaguered psyche.)
So everywhere I look in my house, EVERYWHERE, I am reminded of things I should be doing. And even though I am home all day, I am not relaxed here. I find it hard to relax on the weekends. After all, this IS my workplace. Can you imagine relaxing over the weekend hanging out at YOUR workplace ?
Actually, it’s hard for me to relax EVER. Even going up to my parent’s house this weekend is stressful in it’s way. As I have to gather up all the stuff to take and make sure everything is taken care of here first. Did we remember the dog food? (oy the dog needs to get his teeth cleaned at the vet….. see, I can’t even THINK about the dog without adding that.) I am the one who will be organizing all the details down to and including getting cash for the trip. WHEW !
I suppose the point I am trying so laboriously to make (thank God, she is getting to the point) is that life is SO complicated! I would be very curious to know the state of mind of people who lived 200 years ago. Were they as frazzled as we are ? Maybe they were. Maybe they were just worried about other things. Like getting in enough hay for their livestock to eat over the winter, or making sure they had enough potatoes stashed in the cellar to last till spring. Perhaps this is just the human condition, I don’t know, I am not convinced. I mean those people didn’t have to worry about schlepping around to three electronics stores to find the EXACT right batteries for your home phone or a myriad other goofy and mind numbing things we do in modern life. It seems like we who are living in the year 2002 have SO many balls in the air that we can’t think even half a deep philosophical thought, life is just too distracting.
If I wasn’t Jewish, I’d join the Amish
Wait a minute, no DSL. I will have to think that over. (one more ball in the air)
And get this…. I don’t even work outside my home ! I can only imagine what it is like to add that to my personal mix. (what a weenie she is!)
And I may be doing that exact thing (getting a job) in the not too distant future…. It makes my knees smite one another to coin a King James phrase, just to think about it. And in the final analysis, does it make any DIFFERENCE if my tupperware cupboard is organized or not ? And hey, if you think I am some O-C housekeeper, think again. There are dead flies decomposing on my windowsills as we speak.
Sometimes being a first born, overly responsible, INTJ, Aquarian is just too big a job. Too much trouble. I need help.
I think I need therapy….. Gecko therapy ?
I think I need a vacation… But I would have to PLAN it.
I would have to have money for it… Job ! Eeek ! (knees smiting one another)
I think I don’t know what to think.
This is NOT a good thing for an INTJ.*
Excuse me, I need to go toss some balls. They are headed back down to earth. I am not sure, but I think they have been known to explode if they actually touch the ground. Or is that an urban myth ??? Myth or no, I have to go.
*INTJ… from the Myers-Briggs personality test.