We join Dr. Rubber Duckie in the tub as he rummages in a floating file cabinet, his glasses perched on his forehead.
Dr. RD: Liebchen, when was our last session?
Me: Uh, um, what day is it today? This is October right? To tell you the truth Dr. I’m not a reliable source of linear progressive time units right now. My 28 day gyroscope that I have depended on for lo these 40 years, has gone haywire, and I have entered a kind of “waiting and see zone”. Has it been a long time?
Dr. RD: Still shuffling files . . . Oh look! Here it is. My goodness, it was in the Spring. We should not let this happen again. . . flipping through the file . . . How are you doing on that personality integration? You were quite, er, fractured last session.
Me: Um, well. I don’t know. . . chewing fingernail.
Dr. RD: Liebchen, do you realize you are . . . vibrating? . . . watching the water ripple.
Me: Am I? . . . looking down at bouncing knee.
Dr. RD: Yes dear. You are behaving like a cell phone with the ringer turned off. Ever think about answering the call?
Me: I don’t have a cell phone Doctor. . .looking puzzled.
Dr. RD: I was speaking metaphorically. . . [mentally going over a possible list of medications to suggest.]
Me: Oh yeah, metaphor. I remember that stuff. I used to be pretty good at it. Right now, all I can seem to focus on is crocheting or playing Zuma. . . sitting up and speaking sotto voice . . . though just between you and me Doctor, I cannot for the life of me get beyond level 3-3 and I am starting to think THEY are preventing me from doing so. THEY want me to go to Fry’s and pay 29.95 plus tax to buy the real game. It’s a plot. But I’m not going to let them get to ME. . . nodding sagely.
Dr. RD: . . . Prozac, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Wellbutrin…
Me: Doctor?
Dr. RD: Hmmm? Ahem, yes. . . . consulting the file. . . I see you have cancelled your membership to the gym. Was that wise? Didn’t you say once that Yoga was very helpful to you?
Me: . . .balancing a soap bubble on tip of big toe, while doing the Pigeon Pose. . . Oh that. Well I got so tired of driving over there two or three days a week, and I felt guilty when I didn’t go, and I made up excuses not to go. So I do Yoga at home now, all by myself. It’s nice. I can do it in my jammies, it’s free, and I don’t have to drive in the traffic. And you know, I never used to like to do Yoga alone, but for some reason, it’s much better now to just be peaceful and do it my way. . .the bubble pops causing the good Doctor to remove his glasses.
Dr. RD: Do you feel like you are avoiding social situations? . . . Zoloft? . . .Possibly.
Me: Not really. I am just arranging my life in a way that I can handle right now. You see I’m having trouble concentrating and I feel a little panicky once in a while, and being in a calm place helps. Actually, to tell you the truth Doctor, I think I am coping quite well, all things considered. . . . moving into Warrior Pose.
Dr. RD: . . . delusional . . . Haldol? . . .
Me: I’m trying to be open to the fact that everything is changing. And it’s okay for things to change. I’m just hanging on until I see where things are going. It’s kind of scary. I cry easily. I get a little manic sometimes, I curl up in a ball sometimes, but I have noticed that none of these things moves in and sets up housekeeping. And believe me, I have been paying attention. Maybe that’s what Menopause IS. It is something that was created to GET one’s attention. Well, I’m waiting to see what Menopause has to say. . . Just don’t expect me to know what day it is, or what I ate for breakfast yesterday, or what’s for dinner tonight. Not right now anyway.
Dr. RD: Mentally dumping medication list into the dustbin. . .
glancing at the clock. . . Our time is up. My advice is to continue what you are doing, and if any of those unwanted visitors moves in and starts re-arranging the furniture, you let me know.
Me: Gotcha Doc. . . smoothly assuming Victory pose. . .