Tonight is the fifth night of Hannukah.
And once again, because of my dismal planning, I find myself without a proper menorah.
I'm not sure why I'm finding it so difficult to obtain one. Perhaps because the ones I really like come with a price tag that makes me feel faint.
Here was my solution two years ago:
And last year, it was even less organized than that... something involving aluminum foil that was so pathetic, I don't think I took photos...
wait, let me check...
Oh, no, I recorded it, because evidently I barely have any self respect and will announce to all and sundry what a Hannukah klutz I am.
So this year, you would THINK I would have done something about this situation.
But I didn't.
Though my friend N. did give me some little glass vials with wicks this year that you fill with olive oil instead of using candles.
They are very nice, if a bit fiddly and scary.
I wanted to try them, but I didn't have holders for them.
But I DID have a nice chunk of premium styrofoam leftover from the packing in the electric wood stove.
Voila !
Problem solved...
(At this moment, I have to say, I am experiencing the most intense embarrassment... EVER.... among MANY such episodes in my association with you lo these many years. I'd like to make a formal complaint to whatever governing body regulates these things. Somebody give me the toll free number. Furthermore, have you ANY idea how flammable styrofoam is? WHAT are you thinking?)
Well, I'm keeping it right by me, so I can keep an eye on it at all times.
(You are a hazard to yourself and the public at large. I really would like to disassociate myself from you entirely. How do we go about that?)
I hate to break it to you ( ), but .... well, without me, you do not exist.
(Your level of self delusion is truly beyond astonishing. You need to see a shrink. Soon... like... yesterday.)
I'll get right on that.
In the meantime...
Happy Hannukah!
(Somebody put the fire department on speed dial will ya?)
And last year, it was even less organized than that... something involving aluminum foil that was so pathetic, I don't think I took photos...
wait, let me check...
Oh, no, I recorded it, because evidently I barely have any self respect and will announce to all and sundry what a Hannukah klutz I am.
So this year, you would THINK I would have done something about this situation.
But I didn't.
Though my friend N. did give me some little glass vials with wicks this year that you fill with olive oil instead of using candles.
They are very nice, if a bit fiddly and scary.
I wanted to try them, but I didn't have holders for them.
But I DID have a nice chunk of premium styrofoam leftover from the packing in the electric wood stove.
Voila !
Problem solved...
(At this moment, I have to say, I am experiencing the most intense embarrassment... EVER.... among MANY such episodes in my association with you lo these many years. I'd like to make a formal complaint to whatever governing body regulates these things. Somebody give me the toll free number. Furthermore, have you ANY idea how flammable styrofoam is? WHAT are you thinking?)
Well, I'm keeping it right by me, so I can keep an eye on it at all times.
(You are a hazard to yourself and the public at large. I really would like to disassociate myself from you entirely. How do we go about that?)
I hate to break it to you ( ), but .... well, without me, you do not exist.
(Your level of self delusion is truly beyond astonishing. You need to see a shrink. Soon... like... yesterday.)
I'll get right on that.
In the meantime...
Happy Hannukah!
(Somebody put the fire department on speed dial will ya?)