So there I was last night around 10 PM, settling in for bed. Stoke the fire, turn down the covers, tell Alexa good night.... Yeah, she will say good night to you. "Good night, sleep tight." or "Good night, sweet dreams." and a couple other statements of a similar sentiment. One can consider it amusing, [I KNOW it's a pre-programmed phrase, but it's fun to do anyway] or creepy as hell, [Is someone keeping track of my bedtime?]
I choose amusing.
So after being told to have sweet dreams, by my borrowed rudimentary AI 'friend', I was about to turn out the lights when I heard an odd noise outside. It sounded very much like someone was chopping wood. At 10 o'clock at night? That didn't make sense. So I turned on the back porch light and poked my head out to get a better listen.
It sounded like it was coming from our neighbor's house up the hill and so far into the trees you can't see it. Yes, that sounds like wood chopping... but too close to be from their house.
Then I did the VERY thing that makes me want to shout in theaters. I went out into the dark, shivering in my nightgown. I always want to tell those dopes... "Stay in the house you idiot! Haven't you heard about Zombies and Werewolves? What is WRONG with you????" Well, evidently, whatever is wrong with them, is also wrong with me.
I stood at the corner of the house and realized that the sound was coming from the ice pond. Something, or somebody was down there cracking the ice in some way.
It is very dark here at night. We are on the edge of the woods, and believe me, the squirrels have no desire to pay a power bill, so it's pretty much pitch black on moonless cloudy nights. And my puny back porch light wasn't shining around the corner and into the ice pond let me tell you.
What I heard, sounded like something very big trying to walk through the slabs of ice, which are now laying on top of the grass in the pond because the water underneath has all drained off. By now my mind was racing to try to explain what my ears were hearing and my eyes couldn't see. Unfortunately it went straight into 'monkey brain' mode and sent me this message: "That's it! There's a bull moose stomping through the ice pond. What are you going to do about it?" These statements were accompanied by the BWEEP BWEEP BWEEP sound of a warning siren and a rather exaggerated image of an oversized moose with antlers large enough to turn over a Volkswagen bus.
I shook my head to loosen the monkey, and suddenly became aware that I was underdressed for the occasion and decided to go get my coat.
I looked over to Mr. P's house, and saw that all the lights were out. I figured I needed help in solving this mystery [the ice cracking sound was still going on by the way] and I timidly knocked on his door, with my hand firmly over the monkey's mouth in case it might blurt out anything about his moose theory.
There was no answer.
Pause for ominous music heard in horror movies....
Okaaay.....
At this point the monkey bit my hand and ran back into my house and huddled in the corner behind Bruce.
Slowly, my reasoning skills kicked in. Though there WAS quite a lot of improbability in what I surmised, I walked around to the dark side of the house and then I saw it. A headlamp moving around down in the pond.
I gathered my courage and shouted.... [hoping to high heaven to hear what I wanted to hear].... "Is that you Mr. P. ?"
In fact. It was.
Turns out... he couldn't sleep because he was worried about the ice in the pond. And the wild animals that live all around us.
Because I had told him about something I had seen the other day when I was taking pictures of the pond.
A poor jackrabbit had gone out on the ice when there was still water underneath and had been unable to get up the slabs of tilted ice on the sides of the pond and had frozen solid, partially submerged.
Mr. P decided he was going to chop up some of the ice so that whatever creature might walk out on it would have a broken up path as an escape route.
(At 10 o'clock at night he thinks of this?)
I know. It was a little eccentric. But it came from a sterling place of compassion. And I was so relieved that the moose theory was off the table, not to mention the Zomies and Werewolves that I was willing to let the disturbance of my peace of mind go. And I told him good night. Though I omitted the 'sweet dreams' part. As I still had to go into the house and deal with that damn monkey before I could go to bed.
***
(Do you SEE why I am so upset all the time? I have to LIVE with these people... and all their imaginary friends.)
(....and animals.)
( And just for the record, I don't LIKE monkeys.)
