It is a holiday season…and I’ve decided there should be no more “heavy-duty” entries in this place…well, until next year, of course, did you think I could last forever?! ...I will not be me 
…I’m sure Misstick can manage happy seasonal blabbering for the next two and a half weeks…[that can’t be too hard, right? And if not, then she’d just shut up for a time and let the spirit of a Holy Day be unspoilt]…so this is going to become my Official Last Serious Entry Of The Year.
I’ve stole this idea from someone else’s journal. It is the end of a year and it feels right to go back and review what the year has been to you…So I went. And so I’ve pulled out the ideas that represented the reflections of each month for me, each somehow influenced the whole 30 days of my life at taken period...
there goes my year 2005, month by month…
1 Jan 2005 - New Year - New Bollocks
OK, Ready?.. Lets go right into new year with new joys and new jokes!
I am starting the new year of 2005 exactly as I’ve finished year 2004: laughing.
11 Feb 2005 - Age Divergence
It’s a little bit weird to realise how old is your child…I don’t feel like I’m that old myself to have an “adult for a kid”…But guess, the reality of our life is – that with years our age “splits” into two – the one we feel and the one we have on a birth certificate. I think, it is a good thing, if the difference is getting bigger, that from the moment you start to feel your physical age, you start to get old…I do have hopes to keep my Age Divergence for as long as possible…
6 Mar 2005 - Anticipation
Every one of us is unique. Just not everyone can strip off natural shyness and come out to say to the mankind: "I am unique because…". And really it is only a matter of somebody’s word or encouraging glance that can make one to believe in their uniqueness. I’m unique because you can see me in unique way. It’s amazing, how few ordinary words can make a difference in self-perception, isn’t it?
8 Mar 2005 - To The End Of...
A concern about friends…the ones who’s being lost in their own lives...the ones who’s being hurt but too proud to come forward for consolation, the ones who is always in my thoughts, who teaches, who shows the light, who warms…concerned that when I go away, there will be no one standing on the doorstep to wave goodbye…concerned if I will find them after I return…how selfish of me, eh?!
31 Mar 2005 - Landing Back To Earth
It took long 9 hours from the moment our plane took off Cairo’s airport yesterday at 3am to the moment we landed in Heathrow…The unbelievable time in a land, where time stands still and where my 14 nights felt like a Thousand And One…I wish I could say it more enthusiastic but all I can say at the moment: Hi, I’m back
4 Apr 2005 - Pressure
Sorting out backdated business issues took 2 days. Sorting out outstanding household choirs kept me busy for weekend. When I finally began to sort out my holiday’s pictures, I realised that it will take a thousand and one year to complete…
21 May 2005 - Reccomendations On How To Live
A techniques, that I’ve learnt somewhere and now in a delusion that I’ve invented them myself:
If you awaiting for something, stop waiting – that something will come sooner.
If something is pestering you – do not respond for some time – that something will go away eventually, bored.
If the answer you waiting never come, stop asking questions – you were never meant to know.
If the dream never comes true, that might be not yours.
2 May 2005 - Egyptian Tale. Whatever Left Of It
It took us 15 days to travel the Journey Of A Lifetime. It took me almost a month to write a travelogue…Still it feels like I’ve missed out a lot…I wish, that all I’ve seen, you could see just the same…I wish I’d have enough skills to relay the real things to you. I’m so overfilled with what I’ve seen that it feels like no matter how much I’ll tell, I will still tell nothing of what I really saw there…
20 Jun 2005 - Meltetts Of A Day
People do behave differently when taken out of their context, and in airport you can watch this happening in real time. I wonder how do I change when I go somewhere in other lands…Of course I don’t notice it myself, but I’m sure that on holidays I’m not the same as in the office daily…Now that’s an interesting question: are we more ourselves when we relaxed on holidays or when we in familiar environment in the office? Which one is more “us”?
24 Jun 2005 - Summer Return And Other Insignificances
I wonder how people feel about the places they live (the geographical places, not houses!) I wonder how many of us would prefer to stay in one place all our life, or rather to move often…or to move until we find a perfect place for us…I wonder if I ever be able to find mine…
5 Jul 2005 - Few
I’ve been visiting a lot of different places recently, I hope to see even more in a future. Each of those I’ve seen, is a place of history, or of beauty, or of tranquillity, or of fun…and it doesn’t really matter if it is an ancient or modern, does it? One can see wonders in their own Place, you just need to open your eyes and look around. I might be becoming too sentimental or too anyotherwordtocall…but I love to see just trees, just fields, just lake or just river. You can see them, like – “notice”, they exist and you can See them like – walk around and find a viewing angle that amazes you so that you’d stop in disbelief of picture perfect. It is nice and educating to stand on the grounds of something famous, historical, well-known. But it is nothing compares to be in a forest, talk to the trees, walk across the endless golden fields or wobble feet in a chilling stream of mountain river…
10 Jul 2005 - Crazy Travel Year
a tiny bit more to add to my Crazy Travel Year Log. I’ve found one more place to visit this summer – in a week time I will travel to Germany.[~funny how I've spent quite a few years without going anywhere outside UK and now it seems like I just can't keep myself confined to this place any more :-)]
15 Aug 2005 - First Class Question
in a sense as a reflection of reality...sometimes we do get on the train having the wrong tickets…how we act in such situation is obviously different for each of us…Some would enjoy the ride and will deal with situation when it happened…others will never jump in the places where they know is not permitted...and some even could get excited just from the thought that what they are doing is – forbidden…So…what would you do if you’d find yourself on a First Class train with the Economy ticket?...
26 Aug 2005 - Sandwriting
Have you ever feel that need to go to the shore of an ocean, to sit there, to draw some scribbles in the sand, to watch them being washed away…to let the waves take care of your thoughts…and let the winds to take away your worries…
7 Sep 2005 - DeJunk
mind junk and heart junk - the things that have long gone, but we do still keep them in memory…firstly it is impossible to put it away and store without knowing what’s in there…secondly, no matter how long you’d try to keep it away, you still will remember for years to come…In that respect I dare to say – if you remember certain things of your life, those things were probably not a junk…
19 Oct 2005 - Unmanageable Chaos Of Thoughts. Very Short.
I've just watched...a rainbow from my window!!! A rainbow in October...now, that is something you wouln't expect in this season, right? could it be that someone just climbed the skies to draw it ??? Or could it be someone's standing upside down and smiling at me? Either way, it was a wonderful view....
24 Oct 2005 - Engrossed (Thought)
It always happens like that: it is so easy to give good advice to the others. It is so impossible to have a good advice for yourself…what makes us see another’s situation clear and be lost in our own? Who knows us better then we? Yet ask we do for good advice, relying sometimes on total stranger to come and see us through and make us better…Maybe unconsciously we don’t really want our problem to be solved…because then we will loose that comfortable head-in-a-sand position…what is it exactly that we need? A friendly pat on the back or kick in the ass?
19 November 2005 - How To Speak Unspeakable
Maybe to avoid ambiguity we should really operate on a lower level, describing emotions by simple tangible words? Define taste, colour, scent, texture, that you associate with certain emotion…I wonder how many of us would find that their love, hate, anger are nothing like anyone else’s. Do we speak the same language?
21 Nov 2005 - Recognition. [*Boring warning - HIGH]
Say, I’d say to myself: I do not care, I like me…and that’s enough of recognition to feed my selfishness…alas…not so easy, huh? We often pretend we have all we need and have enough pride to turn away and say: “we are fine without”…still desire for recognition is the worm that eats insides…in some sense, perhaps, jealousy and envy are no more then the declarations of that desire – we see the others being recognised in a way that we would want to be recognised ourselves, therefore we envy them…I can of course find some encouragement in a thought that everyone is special in their own way…sometimes it’s just not enough, isn’t it?
1 Dec 2005 - Re Action
what is a lesson that I’ve been teaching to the others? What could I possibly pass on, imprint in another’s mind…what the memories of me might be?..And while I can think of some for some…the general purpose of my existence escapes my understanding…there is time when it feels as if there weren’t any…Somehow it is hard to believe in the tales of gifts. Gifts are useless if you don’t know what to do with them…
…I’m sure Misstick can manage happy seasonal blabbering for the next two and a half weeks…[that can’t be too hard, right? And if not, then she’d just shut up for a time and let the spirit of a Holy Day be unspoilt]…so this is going to become my Official Last Serious Entry Of The Year. I’ve stole this idea from someone else’s journal. It is the end of a year and it feels right to go back and review what the year has been to you…So I went. And so I’ve pulled out the ideas that represented the reflections of each month for me, each somehow influenced the whole 30 days of my life at taken period...
there goes my year 2005, month by month…
1 Jan 2005 - New Year - New Bollocks
OK, Ready?.. Lets go right into new year with new joys and new jokes!
I am starting the new year of 2005 exactly as I’ve finished year 2004: laughing.
11 Feb 2005 - Age Divergence
It’s a little bit weird to realise how old is your child…I don’t feel like I’m that old myself to have an “adult for a kid”…But guess, the reality of our life is – that with years our age “splits” into two – the one we feel and the one we have on a birth certificate. I think, it is a good thing, if the difference is getting bigger, that from the moment you start to feel your physical age, you start to get old…I do have hopes to keep my Age Divergence for as long as possible…
6 Mar 2005 - Anticipation
Every one of us is unique. Just not everyone can strip off natural shyness and come out to say to the mankind: "I am unique because…". And really it is only a matter of somebody’s word or encouraging glance that can make one to believe in their uniqueness. I’m unique because you can see me in unique way. It’s amazing, how few ordinary words can make a difference in self-perception, isn’t it?
8 Mar 2005 - To The End Of...
A concern about friends…the ones who’s being lost in their own lives...the ones who’s being hurt but too proud to come forward for consolation, the ones who is always in my thoughts, who teaches, who shows the light, who warms…concerned that when I go away, there will be no one standing on the doorstep to wave goodbye…concerned if I will find them after I return…how selfish of me, eh?!
31 Mar 2005 - Landing Back To Earth
It took long 9 hours from the moment our plane took off Cairo’s airport yesterday at 3am to the moment we landed in Heathrow…The unbelievable time in a land, where time stands still and where my 14 nights felt like a Thousand And One…I wish I could say it more enthusiastic but all I can say at the moment: Hi, I’m back
4 Apr 2005 - Pressure
Sorting out backdated business issues took 2 days. Sorting out outstanding household choirs kept me busy for weekend. When I finally began to sort out my holiday’s pictures, I realised that it will take a thousand and one year to complete…
21 May 2005 - Reccomendations On How To Live
A techniques, that I’ve learnt somewhere and now in a delusion that I’ve invented them myself:
If you awaiting for something, stop waiting – that something will come sooner.
If something is pestering you – do not respond for some time – that something will go away eventually, bored.
If the answer you waiting never come, stop asking questions – you were never meant to know.
If the dream never comes true, that might be not yours.
2 May 2005 - Egyptian Tale. Whatever Left Of It
It took us 15 days to travel the Journey Of A Lifetime. It took me almost a month to write a travelogue…Still it feels like I’ve missed out a lot…I wish, that all I’ve seen, you could see just the same…I wish I’d have enough skills to relay the real things to you. I’m so overfilled with what I’ve seen that it feels like no matter how much I’ll tell, I will still tell nothing of what I really saw there…
20 Jun 2005 - Meltetts Of A Day
People do behave differently when taken out of their context, and in airport you can watch this happening in real time. I wonder how do I change when I go somewhere in other lands…Of course I don’t notice it myself, but I’m sure that on holidays I’m not the same as in the office daily…Now that’s an interesting question: are we more ourselves when we relaxed on holidays or when we in familiar environment in the office? Which one is more “us”?
24 Jun 2005 - Summer Return And Other Insignificances
I wonder how people feel about the places they live (the geographical places, not houses!) I wonder how many of us would prefer to stay in one place all our life, or rather to move often…or to move until we find a perfect place for us…I wonder if I ever be able to find mine…
5 Jul 2005 - Few
I’ve been visiting a lot of different places recently, I hope to see even more in a future. Each of those I’ve seen, is a place of history, or of beauty, or of tranquillity, or of fun…and it doesn’t really matter if it is an ancient or modern, does it? One can see wonders in their own Place, you just need to open your eyes and look around. I might be becoming too sentimental or too anyotherwordtocall…but I love to see just trees, just fields, just lake or just river. You can see them, like – “notice”, they exist and you can See them like – walk around and find a viewing angle that amazes you so that you’d stop in disbelief of picture perfect. It is nice and educating to stand on the grounds of something famous, historical, well-known. But it is nothing compares to be in a forest, talk to the trees, walk across the endless golden fields or wobble feet in a chilling stream of mountain river…
10 Jul 2005 - Crazy Travel Year
a tiny bit more to add to my Crazy Travel Year Log. I’ve found one more place to visit this summer – in a week time I will travel to Germany.[~funny how I've spent quite a few years without going anywhere outside UK and now it seems like I just can't keep myself confined to this place any more :-)]
15 Aug 2005 - First Class Question
in a sense as a reflection of reality...sometimes we do get on the train having the wrong tickets…how we act in such situation is obviously different for each of us…Some would enjoy the ride and will deal with situation when it happened…others will never jump in the places where they know is not permitted...and some even could get excited just from the thought that what they are doing is – forbidden…So…what would you do if you’d find yourself on a First Class train with the Economy ticket?...
26 Aug 2005 - Sandwriting
Have you ever feel that need to go to the shore of an ocean, to sit there, to draw some scribbles in the sand, to watch them being washed away…to let the waves take care of your thoughts…and let the winds to take away your worries…
7 Sep 2005 - DeJunk
mind junk and heart junk - the things that have long gone, but we do still keep them in memory…firstly it is impossible to put it away and store without knowing what’s in there…secondly, no matter how long you’d try to keep it away, you still will remember for years to come…In that respect I dare to say – if you remember certain things of your life, those things were probably not a junk…
19 Oct 2005 - Unmanageable Chaos Of Thoughts. Very Short.
I've just watched...a rainbow from my window!!! A rainbow in October...now, that is something you wouln't expect in this season, right? could it be that someone just climbed the skies to draw it ??? Or could it be someone's standing upside down and smiling at me? Either way, it was a wonderful view....
24 Oct 2005 - Engrossed (Thought)
It always happens like that: it is so easy to give good advice to the others. It is so impossible to have a good advice for yourself…what makes us see another’s situation clear and be lost in our own? Who knows us better then we? Yet ask we do for good advice, relying sometimes on total stranger to come and see us through and make us better…Maybe unconsciously we don’t really want our problem to be solved…because then we will loose that comfortable head-in-a-sand position…what is it exactly that we need? A friendly pat on the back or kick in the ass?
19 November 2005 - How To Speak Unspeakable
Maybe to avoid ambiguity we should really operate on a lower level, describing emotions by simple tangible words? Define taste, colour, scent, texture, that you associate with certain emotion…I wonder how many of us would find that their love, hate, anger are nothing like anyone else’s. Do we speak the same language?
21 Nov 2005 - Recognition. [*Boring warning - HIGH]
Say, I’d say to myself: I do not care, I like me…and that’s enough of recognition to feed my selfishness…alas…not so easy, huh? We often pretend we have all we need and have enough pride to turn away and say: “we are fine without”…still desire for recognition is the worm that eats insides…in some sense, perhaps, jealousy and envy are no more then the declarations of that desire – we see the others being recognised in a way that we would want to be recognised ourselves, therefore we envy them…I can of course find some encouragement in a thought that everyone is special in their own way…sometimes it’s just not enough, isn’t it?
1 Dec 2005 - Re Action
what is a lesson that I’ve been teaching to the others? What could I possibly pass on, imprint in another’s mind…what the memories of me might be?..And while I can think of some for some…the general purpose of my existence escapes my understanding…there is time when it feels as if there weren’t any…Somehow it is hard to believe in the tales of gifts. Gifts are useless if you don’t know what to do with them…