Time to stick your head out of your…hmmmm…[* insert whichever definition works for you]
The question from previous entry reads as when I’m not a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker...then – who AM I???? And the easy answer would be – nobody…and I’m tired on thinking of the difficult one…Never mind that and who would care if everyone could see at least one of the many faces, so illogically I can draw a logical conclusion: since I’m always something of the many me, I can stop pretending to be sophisticated self-centred snooty girl and stop worry of the things that doesn’t mean anything for anyone other then me…
Sometimes it seems that we better not to acknowledge when we are being called upon…so that the pleasure of each meeting may become less by making them a daily routine…to think of it…why would we want to intentionally limit the amount of pleasure for the doubtful reasoning that the more of the pleasure we'd get, the less pleasant it will be?...I believe that when someone call us, they must’ve had a reason for that. I don’t believe in reaching out without the need. Even when we don’t realise that need ourselves…we should trust our instincts, methinks…
I’ve been thinking about how protective some of us can be of our beloved self. Up to the point when we reject much needed help on the grounds as if we “protect others from our bad temper” when in reality what we do – protecting ourselves, of course. Humans are different, who would argue with this…Some would voice out their anger, frustration or else in a rant, or rage or else…and others – run&hide with it…Whether I’d like it or not, but if I’m in a bad mood, I would be hiding from everyone, digesting my misfortunes over and over again, doing a bit of self-pitying and generally not letting anyone too close…why? When we are in our worse state, we seem to be loosing that little trust that we might have to others in our “normal” condition. Don’t tell me that we tend to cut off communication when we are moody because we wish to protect others from our own tantrums. I do this myself all the time, it’s a pitiful excuse. We put up temporary walls because we like to feel miserable and enjoy having these little self- pity moments. And we forget that by pushing away with “good intentions” we, in fact, are hurting others who might’ve been sincerely concerned and willing to help…don’t know about you, but to me that looks like we don’t trust enough to be vulnerable and show the side of us that we consider less attractive…walls…phrrrr…what a frustrating concept!
So there goes my day and his musings… Busy week. Very busy weekend ahead, involving driving 150 miles away.
The question from previous entry reads as when I’m not a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker...then – who AM I???? And the easy answer would be – nobody…and I’m tired on thinking of the difficult one…Never mind that and who would care if everyone could see at least one of the many faces, so illogically I can draw a logical conclusion: since I’m always something of the many me, I can stop pretending to be sophisticated self-centred snooty girl and stop worry of the things that doesn’t mean anything for anyone other then me…
Sometimes it seems that we better not to acknowledge when we are being called upon…so that the pleasure of each meeting may become less by making them a daily routine…to think of it…why would we want to intentionally limit the amount of pleasure for the doubtful reasoning that the more of the pleasure we'd get, the less pleasant it will be?...I believe that when someone call us, they must’ve had a reason for that. I don’t believe in reaching out without the need. Even when we don’t realise that need ourselves…we should trust our instincts, methinks…
I’ve been thinking about how protective some of us can be of our beloved self. Up to the point when we reject much needed help on the grounds as if we “protect others from our bad temper” when in reality what we do – protecting ourselves, of course. Humans are different, who would argue with this…Some would voice out their anger, frustration or else in a rant, or rage or else…and others – run&hide with it…Whether I’d like it or not, but if I’m in a bad mood, I would be hiding from everyone, digesting my misfortunes over and over again, doing a bit of self-pitying and generally not letting anyone too close…why? When we are in our worse state, we seem to be loosing that little trust that we might have to others in our “normal” condition. Don’t tell me that we tend to cut off communication when we are moody because we wish to protect others from our own tantrums. I do this myself all the time, it’s a pitiful excuse. We put up temporary walls because we like to feel miserable and enjoy having these little self- pity moments. And we forget that by pushing away with “good intentions” we, in fact, are hurting others who might’ve been sincerely concerned and willing to help…don’t know about you, but to me that looks like we don’t trust enough to be vulnerable and show the side of us that we consider less attractive…walls…phrrrr…what a frustrating concept!
So there goes my day and his musings… Busy week. Very busy weekend ahead, involving driving 150 miles away.