Why I’m not suitable for my job.
Had a difficult day at work yesterday. Usual stuff. Dying servers, upset users, yelling bosses and long hours (at least this time I managed to get home before the day turned over into next one)…this time it was a vital tool, a modern time's breath of the office, a pulse of the business and the other crappy labels – isn’t it amazing how we rely so much on such a simple thing as e-mail? Stop the flow and the whole office seems to be frozen, nobody moves, nobody does anything…maybe they all just need an excuse? and I wonder how the hell the business use to run in pre-electronic format?
Anyway. All being fixed, of course, in its good time. and I’ve finally learn some truths about me…well, never too late for this, isn’t it? I’ve learned that the way I do things is not the most efficient way to do things. That I have that something in me that prevent me from doing the right things or doing things right, if you will…and it does affect everything I do in life, not just the job, I’m getting paid for.
Yesterday I’ve spend inexcusable amount of time sorting out the problem by knowing the solution in the beginning, yet hesitating, checking, over-checking, testing, investigating, calculating and ending up with the same actions that I thought of in the first place, only 4 hours later then they could’ve been done. I feel very incompetent and very indecisive and in general not suitable for the job where there are deadlines and pressure for disaster recovery and service level agreements…I could’ve have so much less downtime on my servers if only I would be brave enough to do things that may be cruel, daring, but in the end they always the only things that work.
The same in life…it always takes me far too long to hesitate, to weight all possible and impossible outcomes, to imagine all unimaginable “whatifs”, and even find excuses for not doing…I never brave enough to just do and think of risks only when they hit. I have to have my “quiet moments” of idling in between the Thought-Through and Wondering-If…I’m not adventurous enough when it is required from me to take responsible decision and press the button…when all I need is - just do it.
I’m not writing this down to get sympathising comments about how good I am anyway or how not important this issue is or else…I simply wanted to “voice out” my thoughts, so that I can listen to them myself and get the clearer picture of the reason why I often feel so unsatisfied after dealing with disasters at work or in life…
I thought I've been sensible...I’ve been told I am overcareful...:-(
Had a difficult day at work yesterday. Usual stuff. Dying servers, upset users, yelling bosses and long hours (at least this time I managed to get home before the day turned over into next one)…this time it was a vital tool, a modern time's breath of the office, a pulse of the business and the other crappy labels – isn’t it amazing how we rely so much on such a simple thing as e-mail? Stop the flow and the whole office seems to be frozen, nobody moves, nobody does anything…maybe they all just need an excuse? and I wonder how the hell the business use to run in pre-electronic format?
Anyway. All being fixed, of course, in its good time. and I’ve finally learn some truths about me…well, never too late for this, isn’t it? I’ve learned that the way I do things is not the most efficient way to do things. That I have that something in me that prevent me from doing the right things or doing things right, if you will…and it does affect everything I do in life, not just the job, I’m getting paid for.
Yesterday I’ve spend inexcusable amount of time sorting out the problem by knowing the solution in the beginning, yet hesitating, checking, over-checking, testing, investigating, calculating and ending up with the same actions that I thought of in the first place, only 4 hours later then they could’ve been done. I feel very incompetent and very indecisive and in general not suitable for the job where there are deadlines and pressure for disaster recovery and service level agreements…I could’ve have so much less downtime on my servers if only I would be brave enough to do things that may be cruel, daring, but in the end they always the only things that work.
The same in life…it always takes me far too long to hesitate, to weight all possible and impossible outcomes, to imagine all unimaginable “whatifs”, and even find excuses for not doing…I never brave enough to just do and think of risks only when they hit. I have to have my “quiet moments” of idling in between the Thought-Through and Wondering-If…I’m not adventurous enough when it is required from me to take responsible decision and press the button…when all I need is - just do it.
I’m not writing this down to get sympathising comments about how good I am anyway or how not important this issue is or else…I simply wanted to “voice out” my thoughts, so that I can listen to them myself and get the clearer picture of the reason why I often feel so unsatisfied after dealing with disasters at work or in life…
I thought I've been sensible...I’ve been told I am overcareful...:-(