I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday’s comments…Interesting that until now I didn’t think at all about what could be and how if he’ll want to come back some times after he’d left…I thought about what and how if he’d choose to stay, I had hopes and dreams and imagined fairy tales, all of which involved him not leaving...I never give it a thought that he just might go and come back and then whatever…Strange, huh?..I think it was mostly because I didn’t want to believe he is a different person now…
Anyway, the thought was planted and was digested by my mind…and the more I thought of it, the more I become convinced that actually I would not want him to come back years after he’ll leave. I do not want to see him “crawling”, I do not want to see him “begging”, I do not want to see him humiliated. This is nothing to do with the mean satisfaction of “told you so”…by humiliating another you do not gain any dignity for yourself. Besides, it is easier to say “I am sorry, please forgive me” then to change into the person worthy of forgiveness. It is his crisis, but unfortunately it changed me too…hmmm...or maybe it is – fortunately that it changed me…perhaps, even more profound then him because it was forced on me without warning…It is cruel to teach a kid to swim by throwing him into the water and watching if he’ll puddle his way back to the shore. But it sure works better this way. For survivors, that is. ;-)
All the fairy tales my fairies ever told me covered only the Happily Ever After. So when the Happy part ends, there should be no After. And should he ever wish to be with me again, he will have to start from scratch. He will have no advantage to any other, perhaps, even less advantage, since I know him much better then any stranger…and that’s why he would have to change himself too…
You know, this funny line:
“dear, you will never find another man like me!”
“yes, dear, but who said I’d ever want another one like you?!”
so guess, this rules out pretty much any possibility of him getting back into my life if he ever leave it… NO, I would not wish for him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. And I will not get a joy if he will fall miserably. Lets be kind and fair. A man should be a man and should face his life’s challenges with pride, not in despair. Love is a strange condition…she makes us see things other never see and blocks the things everybody noticed. Does it matter what kind of person we love? We choose to love them as they are, with all their flaws and all their virtues. If he can love her for who she is, he will be happy with her. I’m a believer in love without conditions. Everybody has their own idea of what their ideal partner should be. Just some will attempt to mould another to this model and others will adjust their model to the person they truly love. And I can probably add now: some would search for a better match...
Anyway, the thought was planted and was digested by my mind…and the more I thought of it, the more I become convinced that actually I would not want him to come back years after he’ll leave. I do not want to see him “crawling”, I do not want to see him “begging”, I do not want to see him humiliated. This is nothing to do with the mean satisfaction of “told you so”…by humiliating another you do not gain any dignity for yourself. Besides, it is easier to say “I am sorry, please forgive me” then to change into the person worthy of forgiveness. It is his crisis, but unfortunately it changed me too…hmmm...or maybe it is – fortunately that it changed me…perhaps, even more profound then him because it was forced on me without warning…It is cruel to teach a kid to swim by throwing him into the water and watching if he’ll puddle his way back to the shore. But it sure works better this way. For survivors, that is. ;-)
All the fairy tales my fairies ever told me covered only the Happily Ever After. So when the Happy part ends, there should be no After. And should he ever wish to be with me again, he will have to start from scratch. He will have no advantage to any other, perhaps, even less advantage, since I know him much better then any stranger…and that’s why he would have to change himself too…
You know, this funny line:
“dear, you will never find another man like me!”
“yes, dear, but who said I’d ever want another one like you?!”
so guess, this rules out pretty much any possibility of him getting back into my life if he ever leave it… NO, I would not wish for him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. And I will not get a joy if he will fall miserably. Lets be kind and fair. A man should be a man and should face his life’s challenges with pride, not in despair. Love is a strange condition…she makes us see things other never see and blocks the things everybody noticed. Does it matter what kind of person we love? We choose to love them as they are, with all their flaws and all their virtues. If he can love her for who she is, he will be happy with her. I’m a believer in love without conditions. Everybody has their own idea of what their ideal partner should be. Just some will attempt to mould another to this model and others will adjust their model to the person they truly love. And I can probably add now: some would search for a better match...