It is often too late for the good things…and sometimes it is so late, the things don’t feel good any more…I’ve been thinking about how my last few years have been…how I’ve been challenged and how I reacted to the challenges…I’m coming to understand one thing… that no matter how badly things turned out in the end, I do not regret about the way how I handled them.
You may say I did nothing to keep you. But I did. I gave up my own wishes and dreams to give you the freedom to choose what you want. I supported you, never manipulated you, I was patient and yes, I loved you despite. I did everything to keep you, but I didn’t beg and I didn’t force and I didn’t MAKE you stay so that you will hate me after…I still believe that love is not a competition who wins who loose. You are not a trophy. And I have no doubts that I did everything that the person I am could possibly do to keep you. I have no regrets. You didn’t see it this way, it’s your loss.
The same as I have no regrets about friendships being lost…long time ago I remember my deepest fear was when friends leave without a word. Gets you that feeling it was your fault…something you did or didn’t do…time passes and I see it in a different light. I did all I could for my friends. I did reach out. I did put aside my own hurts and my own problems. I did all the person I am can possibly do to keep friendship. I have no regrets. You don’t need this kind of friendship, it’s your loss.
There is a bitter comfort in realisation that despite of where I am now, I have no regrets of the way how I’ve got there. The understanding that it was not me walking the wrong path, but the fellow travellers who wished to change their destination.
You know what I hate to hear being said to me: that cliché phrase that I will find something better, something I deserve. What makes you think that I am looking…what make you think that I want to have something at all. What makes you think that I need someone to validate my “deservedness”? I’ve been told my main trait is patience. That’s some compliment, eh? Almost like saying you are so patient it is easy for you to wait until something might or might not come up tor you. You know what’s funny? I agree with this, it does get easier and easier…I quit doing. I quit reaching out, I quit being understanding and accommodating. I will just "wait" instead. If patience is a virtue, I might as well make the most of it.
You may say I did nothing to keep you. But I did. I gave up my own wishes and dreams to give you the freedom to choose what you want. I supported you, never manipulated you, I was patient and yes, I loved you despite. I did everything to keep you, but I didn’t beg and I didn’t force and I didn’t MAKE you stay so that you will hate me after…I still believe that love is not a competition who wins who loose. You are not a trophy. And I have no doubts that I did everything that the person I am could possibly do to keep you. I have no regrets. You didn’t see it this way, it’s your loss.
The same as I have no regrets about friendships being lost…long time ago I remember my deepest fear was when friends leave without a word. Gets you that feeling it was your fault…something you did or didn’t do…time passes and I see it in a different light. I did all I could for my friends. I did reach out. I did put aside my own hurts and my own problems. I did all the person I am can possibly do to keep friendship. I have no regrets. You don’t need this kind of friendship, it’s your loss.
There is a bitter comfort in realisation that despite of where I am now, I have no regrets of the way how I’ve got there. The understanding that it was not me walking the wrong path, but the fellow travellers who wished to change their destination.
You know what I hate to hear being said to me: that cliché phrase that I will find something better, something I deserve. What makes you think that I am looking…what make you think that I want to have something at all. What makes you think that I need someone to validate my “deservedness”? I’ve been told my main trait is patience. That’s some compliment, eh? Almost like saying you are so patient it is easy for you to wait until something might or might not come up tor you. You know what’s funny? I agree with this, it does get easier and easier…I quit doing. I quit reaching out, I quit being understanding and accommodating. I will just "wait" instead. If patience is a virtue, I might as well make the most of it.