It is nice to be cared for…to be warmed by someone. Even if that someone is your boss and the warmth comes from the electric heater. It is Autumn and traditionally the central heating in our office is not switched on yet. Apparently, since University owns several buildings, they have a list for the buildings to be switched on for the seasonal heating and our office is at the bottom of it…typical, huh? We’ve been contemplating the idea of blackmailing the estate engineers by switching off the network until they’ll switch on our heating…it’s bloody freezing in the building! So freezing that we go outdoors at lunch time to get warmer. Watching my shivers running wild my boss took pity on me and brought electric heater to my desk…aaawwwww…so cosy and warm I am…mostly from the care, I think…
Autumn is also traditional time for pondering on the meaning of life…perhaps, it is because this is the time for slowing down on the race for the place under the sun…Autumn is my time for sentiments, musings and general thinking…Life seems so much like the seasons…and of course who would’ve guessed, now is…the Fall…or is it The Great Fall?...time when all the leaves that used to have a lavish colours, intoxicating scent and unearthly beauty, are changing into the outdated stock of unneeded assets, written off to the disposal to allow new ones take its place…
The thought that going through my mind does love die when it forced to…in the end of September it was a year since my life’s changed in the instance with a few simple words…would’ve been silly not to expect sentiments to take over my emotions, wouldn’t it? Took a while to say it out loud too, after a week of processing in private…re-assessing what’s left of my feelings, naturally, I found them changed…I guess, I can call it - a positive change, since it is no longer acute pain…it is also not a kind change…(I couldn’t find a better word to pin it to what I feel) perhaps, it is more of an inevitable acceptance…I found myself pensively sorting through words and not finding the right ones…do I really need to find the words that would sound right to turn this page, I wonder? Can anyone help me to find the right words for the closure?...I so doubt it...there is only one thing...there is no going back, that’s all I am sure of…and somehow there is no moving forward either…not because it is hard to move on…but, perhaps, there is no motive to go?…oh, there are no worries, I can find pleasures in little everyday’s things…friends…dance class…music…to pull it up to make the whole is different story…perhaps, I expect it too soon and more time is needed...how much more?..but at least I’ve stopped asking myself: "Why did this happen to me?" I guess, that’s a progress enough to be proud of...
Autumn is also traditional time for pondering on the meaning of life…perhaps, it is because this is the time for slowing down on the race for the place under the sun…Autumn is my time for sentiments, musings and general thinking…Life seems so much like the seasons…and of course who would’ve guessed, now is…the Fall…or is it The Great Fall?...time when all the leaves that used to have a lavish colours, intoxicating scent and unearthly beauty, are changing into the outdated stock of unneeded assets, written off to the disposal to allow new ones take its place…
The thought that going through my mind does love die when it forced to…in the end of September it was a year since my life’s changed in the instance with a few simple words…would’ve been silly not to expect sentiments to take over my emotions, wouldn’t it? Took a while to say it out loud too, after a week of processing in private…re-assessing what’s left of my feelings, naturally, I found them changed…I guess, I can call it - a positive change, since it is no longer acute pain…it is also not a kind change…(I couldn’t find a better word to pin it to what I feel) perhaps, it is more of an inevitable acceptance…I found myself pensively sorting through words and not finding the right ones…do I really need to find the words that would sound right to turn this page, I wonder? Can anyone help me to find the right words for the closure?...I so doubt it...there is only one thing...there is no going back, that’s all I am sure of…and somehow there is no moving forward either…not because it is hard to move on…but, perhaps, there is no motive to go?…oh, there are no worries, I can find pleasures in little everyday’s things…friends…dance class…music…to pull it up to make the whole is different story…perhaps, I expect it too soon and more time is needed...how much more?..but at least I’ve stopped asking myself: "Why did this happen to me?" I guess, that’s a progress enough to be proud of...