I've been lurking around DD for a while when I thought to myself: maybe it is time to say something…I opened a blank page…as I was staring into the empty space all my thoughts dissolved into one misshaped blob of “somethings”…you know, when you want to say something and suddenly it begins to look so meaningless that you wonder why you should bother…
Maybe because I’m in such space and time when the old friends although not lost, but distanced themselves enough for the gap to become noticeable and the new friends haven’t appeared anywhere on the horizon yet…so I am suddenly having all the time I ever needed (and the time I could've do without) to myself…I talk to me…a lot…I mean, I have not much of a choice whom to talk to, have I? so I talk to myself…compose beautiful arguments, participate in the hottest debates or just vent off to the only person who understands me perfectly…I actually like it…and I don’t miss not having a live person on the receiving end…yet…I suspect as the time goes I will…but for now…it feels comfortable enough to be “firewalled”…
I’ve been talking about my choices a lot…especially the one I’ve been making lately…I have progressed in it. It is noticeable. At least to me. I haven’t done anything I regret so far…which is supposedly a good thing…I used to have doubts and hesitations even after I made a choice…now once decided, I never go back to “rethink”…does it mean I make only the right choices then? I don’t know…perhaps it is more of me choosing to accept them as the right ones and being prepared for the consequences they bring…
My choices seem to take me further away from anything that belongs to the “used to be” category…including some things I enjoyed…or…”used to enjoy”…used to be friends…used to be routines…used to be emotions…I found it’s a bit tougher then it could have been that in the season of connecting more, sharing more, helping and being helped more I am getting less and less of it all…I said to myself: maybe it is because you are doing less of steps from your side…it is true…I’m over careful with where I’m walking, how far and with whom…not because I fear or do not trust…I just cannot get self-inspired to make an effort anymore…I believe I did what I could in my time…and now I’m handing over this responsibility to the others…someone told me long time ago: we all crave to get noticed, even when we are not willing to admit it…I’m not gonna argue with this. Yet I wish to be noticed for being who I am, not for jumping up and down screaming “pick me pick me”…on my hardest days or on my happiest days I’m comfortable to be on my own…of course it doesn’t mean I won’t appreciate a company…but I’m certainly not desperate for it any more…
I remember how not so long ago many would try to comfort me with a promise that eventually I will feel happy being on my own…feel happy with myself…back then I listened to these words thinking bollocks I could never be happy again…and the time passed and a lot of work has been done in direction forward…and now I’m at the stage when I can be ok with myself actually…perhaps, not happy as far as happiness goes…but certainly not frustrated guess, that means – sooner or later I might even get to that other point of being happy on my own too…
It is all about choices after all…the logic of mine: you ARE on your own regardless whether you’re happy about it or not…might as well get comfortable in your shoes…helps to pass the time, doesn’t it?
*somehow re-reading what I’ve just written made me feel a hundered years old…I wonder where this comes from…*
Recently I had to explain to someone the concept of NLP…my mind was occupied with this subject quite a lot recently…personally, I’m not a “devoted fan”. But this system proved to work for me better then traditional (and I’ve learned this by experience by now) I have no problem using any instrument as long as it helps. I’m also a sober cynic and I can easily see that NO WAY the NLP technique could help you to “get richer, get successful or make your dreams come true” (sometimes they do claim those things in commercials)…but neither can conventional psychotherapy, it helps only those who prepared to make an effort, so literally it helps the ones who could’ve done it themselves should they’ve been armed with the right techniques…compare to the traditional approach, when you first get nailed down to the disturbing perception that you ARE a looser, you DO have issues, etc…NLP based only on positive attitude: expect good things and they will come. As well as “don’t perceive bad things are as bad and you will find they weren’t that bad after all”. So NLP in my opinion is a system of techniques that help to make you feel good even in your worst times…it is not “change your life in 3 days” miracle. And I certainly would never expect this from just practising NLP. However I’ve just spent indecent amount of money for the seminar with the founder of NLP Richard Bandler…go figure…hmmm…at least I’m realistic about what I can hope to get from this adventure…
I guess, that will be it for today's ramblings...
Maybe because I’m in such space and time when the old friends although not lost, but distanced themselves enough for the gap to become noticeable and the new friends haven’t appeared anywhere on the horizon yet…so I am suddenly having all the time I ever needed (and the time I could've do without) to myself…I talk to me…a lot…I mean, I have not much of a choice whom to talk to, have I? so I talk to myself…compose beautiful arguments, participate in the hottest debates or just vent off to the only person who understands me perfectly…I actually like it…and I don’t miss not having a live person on the receiving end…yet…I suspect as the time goes I will…but for now…it feels comfortable enough to be “firewalled”…
I’ve been talking about my choices a lot…especially the one I’ve been making lately…I have progressed in it. It is noticeable. At least to me. I haven’t done anything I regret so far…which is supposedly a good thing…I used to have doubts and hesitations even after I made a choice…now once decided, I never go back to “rethink”…does it mean I make only the right choices then? I don’t know…perhaps it is more of me choosing to accept them as the right ones and being prepared for the consequences they bring…
My choices seem to take me further away from anything that belongs to the “used to be” category…including some things I enjoyed…or…”used to enjoy”…used to be friends…used to be routines…used to be emotions…I found it’s a bit tougher then it could have been that in the season of connecting more, sharing more, helping and being helped more I am getting less and less of it all…I said to myself: maybe it is because you are doing less of steps from your side…it is true…I’m over careful with where I’m walking, how far and with whom…not because I fear or do not trust…I just cannot get self-inspired to make an effort anymore…I believe I did what I could in my time…and now I’m handing over this responsibility to the others…someone told me long time ago: we all crave to get noticed, even when we are not willing to admit it…I’m not gonna argue with this. Yet I wish to be noticed for being who I am, not for jumping up and down screaming “pick me pick me”…on my hardest days or on my happiest days I’m comfortable to be on my own…of course it doesn’t mean I won’t appreciate a company…but I’m certainly not desperate for it any more…
I remember how not so long ago many would try to comfort me with a promise that eventually I will feel happy being on my own…feel happy with myself…back then I listened to these words thinking bollocks I could never be happy again…and the time passed and a lot of work has been done in direction forward…and now I’m at the stage when I can be ok with myself actually…perhaps, not happy as far as happiness goes…but certainly not frustrated guess, that means – sooner or later I might even get to that other point of being happy on my own too…
It is all about choices after all…the logic of mine: you ARE on your own regardless whether you’re happy about it or not…might as well get comfortable in your shoes…helps to pass the time, doesn’t it?
*somehow re-reading what I’ve just written made me feel a hundered years old…I wonder where this comes from…*
Recently I had to explain to someone the concept of NLP…my mind was occupied with this subject quite a lot recently…personally, I’m not a “devoted fan”. But this system proved to work for me better then traditional (and I’ve learned this by experience by now) I have no problem using any instrument as long as it helps. I’m also a sober cynic and I can easily see that NO WAY the NLP technique could help you to “get richer, get successful or make your dreams come true” (sometimes they do claim those things in commercials)…but neither can conventional psychotherapy, it helps only those who prepared to make an effort, so literally it helps the ones who could’ve done it themselves should they’ve been armed with the right techniques…compare to the traditional approach, when you first get nailed down to the disturbing perception that you ARE a looser, you DO have issues, etc…NLP based only on positive attitude: expect good things and they will come. As well as “don’t perceive bad things are as bad and you will find they weren’t that bad after all”. So NLP in my opinion is a system of techniques that help to make you feel good even in your worst times…it is not “change your life in 3 days” miracle. And I certainly would never expect this from just practising NLP. However I’ve just spent indecent amount of money for the seminar with the founder of NLP Richard Bandler…go figure…hmmm…at least I’m realistic about what I can hope to get from this adventure…
I guess, that will be it for today's ramblings...