Coming back after being away was not strange, just not pleasant with the clear realization of this fact…I’ve noticed how as much as I’ve been almost unhealthy attached to my home in the last year, it was only because I’ve been holding on to it as to my place of safety…sort of dwelling where I am locked secure from more bad things that might potentially happened to me…with the price of all the haunting memories attached to it, but still the lesser of the evils, I suppose…but what more could possibly happened anyway, all can only get better, right?...Silly me…silly also in thinking I’ll be glad I’m back home…took me by surprise when I felt quite opposite…I am no longer comfortable here…is it no longer MY HOME?
Me and The Kid spent New Year’s in continental style – visited distant relatives in Germany…I thought, I’m creating new traditions but in reality it felt as if I’m running away from Home for the period of compulsory joy…For whatever reason it was a good choice. We had a good time. No travelling, no touring around...just a quiet week spent with relatives and their friends...in other times I might’ve get upset with the holidays so uneventful, but this time...I'm kind of content...I didn't plan excitement and I didn't get any...so guess, this is all good, as long as it's all planned.
Return home wasn’t much of excitement either…chilled out house, broken tv and echo whispering my own Welcome Home to my back…Not that I’ve expected much of the welcome embraces, party balloons and a greeting signs across the door…I suppose it is a good sign nobody noticed you’re back, it means no one noticed you’ve been away…in the context of my profession it is an indication that my job well done – all systems work without me just fine…Guess, this is a good thing after all…I don't think it is true that if you treat others the way you wish to be treated it will get returned to you eventually...I think no matter how kind you are to others, it is still a matter of chance that you might get a worthy kindness in return...I do not regret of all those hugs and words I’ve been sharing freely without expectations…just it becomes harder and harder to keep myself off the edge of cynicism...sometimes I even can't remember what kind of a person I used to be...I’ve been reminded about being kind and caring and helpful and found that I simply cannot imagine I ever used to be all this...it feels like I’ve always been “detached” in reference to life, like I am now…
Anyway…it is a new year and it is time to start to live this one through, just like we did with the last one and all the ones before…just another year, forty third one for me in years, perhaps, first one in awakening…funny how with time we used to the birthdays come and go so we don’t notice day’s different, not that I celebrated them with trumpet blasts before, mind you…but this time I didn’t even feel like marking it with summary like I used to do before…I don't do resolutions, they tend to never come true anyway, just like dreams, so what's the point...But I can make few short termed plans, if not for life, then at least for this week which I’m spending at home, wasting my unused holidays from last year…my short-term plan for this week is to buy me a new tv, since my old one decided first I don't need to listen to the programs, then finally that I don't really need to see them either...so I had to take him down to the waste centre yesterday...:-( And this is pretty much as far as my plans for 2009 go...- I prefer to make up plans as I go nowadays, as life has shown me that planning "till death do us apart" tends to get altered somewhere in the mid-way anyway...yeah, that's my new philosophy, I guess...so…Happy New Year to me…let’s roll up those sleeves and get moving…
Me and The Kid spent New Year’s in continental style – visited distant relatives in Germany…I thought, I’m creating new traditions but in reality it felt as if I’m running away from Home for the period of compulsory joy…For whatever reason it was a good choice. We had a good time. No travelling, no touring around...just a quiet week spent with relatives and their friends...in other times I might’ve get upset with the holidays so uneventful, but this time...I'm kind of content...I didn't plan excitement and I didn't get any...so guess, this is all good, as long as it's all planned.
Return home wasn’t much of excitement either…chilled out house, broken tv and echo whispering my own Welcome Home to my back…Not that I’ve expected much of the welcome embraces, party balloons and a greeting signs across the door…I suppose it is a good sign nobody noticed you’re back, it means no one noticed you’ve been away…in the context of my profession it is an indication that my job well done – all systems work without me just fine…Guess, this is a good thing after all…I don't think it is true that if you treat others the way you wish to be treated it will get returned to you eventually...I think no matter how kind you are to others, it is still a matter of chance that you might get a worthy kindness in return...I do not regret of all those hugs and words I’ve been sharing freely without expectations…just it becomes harder and harder to keep myself off the edge of cynicism...sometimes I even can't remember what kind of a person I used to be...I’ve been reminded about being kind and caring and helpful and found that I simply cannot imagine I ever used to be all this...it feels like I’ve always been “detached” in reference to life, like I am now…
Anyway…it is a new year and it is time to start to live this one through, just like we did with the last one and all the ones before…just another year, forty third one for me in years, perhaps, first one in awakening…funny how with time we used to the birthdays come and go so we don’t notice day’s different, not that I celebrated them with trumpet blasts before, mind you…but this time I didn’t even feel like marking it with summary like I used to do before…I don't do resolutions, they tend to never come true anyway, just like dreams, so what's the point...But I can make few short termed plans, if not for life, then at least for this week which I’m spending at home, wasting my unused holidays from last year…my short-term plan for this week is to buy me a new tv, since my old one decided first I don't need to listen to the programs, then finally that I don't really need to see them either...so I had to take him down to the waste centre yesterday...:-( And this is pretty much as far as my plans for 2009 go...- I prefer to make up plans as I go nowadays, as life has shown me that planning "till death do us apart" tends to get altered somewhere in the mid-way anyway...yeah, that's my new philosophy, I guess...so…Happy New Year to me…let’s roll up those sleeves and get moving…