I started to notice it how often people can see where their problems are, but blindly unaware that they see it…they usually would say something like “I am afraid my anger issue might ruin my relationships…” or “everything would’ve been fine, if only not for my stupid pride”…or else…I can understand when relationships fail because of people unaware they have potentially dangerous issues, so they just carry on like nothing wrong…but if you KNOW you've got this issue, why cannot you now start working on it, so that it will never break that which you value the most?! It is always easier to blame then to fix, isn’t it?
How can you understand what you are lacking and yet don’t do anything about it…the same happens when someone hurts another first time because they didn’t realise what they did would hurt so much. I’m sorry, I didn’t know it will hurt you…and you can forgive…but when the same keep happening again and again after that…we have to take responsibility for learning our own lessons.
What do you fear the most? When friends go without goodbye…and yet almost each of those with whom I shared this fear, gone exactly in this way…so you start to question yourself what was the point in sharing…What are your limits for forgiveness? When people do things in conscious awareness of the consequences. I call it – intentional hurt. Even if they think they have a perfectly logical excuse for it.
I remember a long time ago I’ve been over protective of a friend “I don’t want you to get hurt” and I was told off “let me choose myself which pains I will have”…I now grasped the meaning of this lesson, being on the other end myself…I don’t want to hurt you, said ex and found the only way to do it – to walk away leaving me in agony…what a wickedly twisted sense of mercy…you deserve better, - comforted life, - only you won’t get it because it has potential to become worse…too much love will kill you warns the song…overwhelming happiness will most certainly result in deep misery after…why? Because we know. Because we have experience. Because “we love you and do not want you to get hurt”. Gee, let me choose my own pains, am I not a responsible adult?! Love seems to become a convenient shield to cover up unwillingness to get involved. I’m just ranting. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m just bitter that good intentions are only useful for the pavement of the road to hell. I see it everywhere, once I’ve learned to pay attention.
I wrote all this and said to myself: now try to find at least one reason to let anyone too close.