The hardest thing it is - to be patient. Make a conscious decision to do nothing about something and stick to it no matter what urges might challenge you. I pondered on the subject of patience and discovered that although it is easy to notice someone else being patient, it looks totally different from the other side. Patient I am not. But I’m being told constantly how patient I am. And I would raise a brow wondering what on earth made you think that?! I certainly know no patience in me at all. When I have to wait for things, I feel anger, rage, an urge to throw a fit, to break a glass or kick the f* out of the air or to cry in frustration …but the expression stands on the way of the purpose, doesn’t it? There is something outside my control and it is trying my patience. I can either choose to get emotional and amuse people around me with the outburst or I can run the show just for myself and get known for the virtue which I’m convinced I haven’t got. But hey, what's wrong with faking? The thing is…either way I won’t change anything, won’t move what I want closer and within reachable space, won’t change the surrounding world to my liking. So what’s the point in performance, if you can gain the false but very respectful image of a patient person. If I have to wait anyway, might as well make the use of it, right? I’m not patient at all. And yet I am patient, as it seems. That makes me wonder what is the real patience then – is it what we have or is it what we show...or show off for that matter...
On a side note. The Murphy law of patience: as soon as you’ve made the RIGHT decision to wait, you discover that your patience supply has run out times before you need it. So hard it is to wait. Especially when there are other alternatives, but only the waiting is the sensible one. I hate, hate waiting. Up to the point of starting the countdown…five thousand four hundred…five thousand three hundred ninety nine…