I was so certain I’m never to return to this again…how delusional of me…I thought I have worked it all out and moved on and now the mere mentioning of my “pre-life” won’t have any effect on me…just as if somebody else’s life I’ve been watching for the last 24 years…yesterday I discovered how wrong this perception was…I met a fellow dancer in a supermarket yesterday. And we stopped for a chat. Mainly because you don’t get much chatting during the lesson, so all socialising is kept to the minimum in-between the dances and a fb for some…so we met and we took this opportunity to get to know each other more. And we shared our stories and how come we are both where we are…you know, life is so full of broken hearts, littered with them, literally. She was also divorced two years ago…they say similar pains make the bonding easier…anyway, as I considered myself well on my way to recovery, I was able to give her some advises, to share some tricks, it was all all right…until something turned up in a chat and suddenly she said: but you ARE still hurting, aren’t you…and I found myself crying rivers into the shoulder of a stranger woman right in the middle of a supermarket…funny how I’ve imagined so many times how if someone asks me if I still hurt, I would smile and say no, no more, because this was what I believed in…But I never really had a chance to actually try it out for real. When I write, I do not feel pain. I’m not in agony and do not cry. That’s a big step from what I was just a year ago. When I write my thoughts and musings and reminisce on my past, it does not ouch me as much. I feel strong enough to be able to analyse, to draw conclusion, to learn my lessons. I was taken back with the sudden break of the dam when I least expected it…perhaps, this has something to do with saying it out loud to another person for the first time…and hear myself saying it…made it so real…as if all before was just a bad dream of mine…
A picture of a calm after rain comes to mind. When all these puddles left behind by the storm can hide a secret danger…you never know how deep is any particular puddle, until you jump into it with your both feet.