Do you still celebrate wedding-would’ve-been-anniversaries to honour memory of almost quarter a century you’ve spent with someone, even if you are already few years without?...early morning I found myself on a bus from park&ride, having a internal debate with me if I have the right to mark this day or should I do my best to forget it and everything related to the occasion. We couldn’t come to the mutual agreement by the end of a ride, so I’m left to ponder more…interesting that from one hand I refuse to deny the fact that I used to have a family. It is as if not putting down in your CV some 24 years of “previous experience”, kinda stupid, isn’t, how to explain to myself what the hell I was doing all these years, bumming around? I do not feel I wasted my time in no way. Just, perhaps, my “investment” went wrong…financial crisis…in the middle of life…economy collapsed, morality collapsed, there came social disorder and confusion…I’m my own state in a state of recession…or depression…whatever. From the other hand my gut feeling tells me to forget all as if never happened, cross over and let go, cut and throw away, otherwise the past will keep my tied up for, like, forever. And I know it does, from time to time it stings, reminding…how can I ever let something new in if a space is still occupied by something old.
I’m not wallowing in self-pity. I’m a work in a progress to progress myself out of the past and into possible future, perhaps, or maybe just into somewhat more or less acceptable present, would be good just as well. Dates do that to you. We remember certain dates and forget certain others. Who knows the pattern our mind marks the calendar. I talked to my childhood friend this morning and she’s been married for just 2 years and divorced for 23 after that. She said that she also remembers her wedding date, but has forgotten the date of divorce. Interesting how mind copes with things…my divorce “anniversary” will be exactly in one week from today, 4th of August. The Second Year. A fleeting thought crossed my mind that it is most likely that the ex does not remember neither of these dates. And why should he, indeed. I believe, he made his choices and whatever left is my share of divorce agreement.
Interesting enough in my daily motivational mail I found today’s message to be somewhat related to all the above. Or maybe it is my mind that reads what’s there in a certain way, opened to particular perceptions and not to others. in all way it is a useful one, so I will go along with it, trusting mind knows what is needed.
In today’s message Ralph Marston said:
Instead of placing judgments on where you find yourself, consider the positive possibilities. Instead of extending assumptions out from your limitations, imagine your most treasured dreams extending out from your current situation. If you feel stuck where you are, you're mistaken. Anything is possible, when you engage the power of your imagination.The things that have already happened can give you some useful insight and perspective. Yet your future is whatever you choose right now to make it. You don't have to be magically transported away from where you are in order to experience fulfilment. You can begin making your way forward from wherever you may be, in whatever direction you choose. It's easy to blame your circumstances for holding you back. It's much more powerful, though, to accept those circumstances and begin working with the value they offer. You're in a great place, because from where you are you can go anywhere. Look around, with positive expectations, and step forward in the direction of your dreams.
Happy Anniversary to you, my dear...