You know how sometimes you have a lot inside of you, but when it comes to let it out, you kind of feel apathetic if you’d say it or if you won’t. I’ve been feeling like this lately. I think it might be true that it is impossible to “tell” a dream, it has to be “shared”.
The weekend has been heavy. In many senses. The electrician worked in the house the whole Saturday. My preconditions involved a lot of furniture moving and being an every-little-helper-at-hand. It was fine, only tiring. Planned a lot for Sunday, but managed only part of it, as gave away a half day to my neighbour who was in distress and we just spent around 5 hours together talking and talking again. Cancer is a harsh truth to face. Facing it on your own is utterly terrifying. That afternoon made me think of things I banned myself to think of some time ago. It involved loneliness. And illnessnes. And all that comes along with it. *sigh*
The good thing, I still managed to do something, at least my furniture is back to where it belongs and my computer plugged in and working…obviously, duh! And actually the Saturday had an interesting ending “in style”. In the dancing style, in fact. I was surprised my tired muscles still pulled me through 3 hours of dancing rather nicely. It was a good night of a good dance and a good ending of a day.
I’ve been pestering various people with it. the bathroom project,. Not the dance. I had an “almost e-mail romance” with the underfloor heating guys. Well, the amount of questions I sent and responses I got was worth a day of non-stop e-mailing backward and forward, you can write a story on that, I think. I prefer to ask people before I commit to buying, only because I’m not confident enough to be certain my choice is right. I went to the shop and asked technical question about a fuse box and the shop assistant just blankly looked at me and muttered something about he has to get a tech support guys to get back to me on that. Common, I did not ask how the fuse box works or anything as complicated, I have found my answer later on the net, but I walked away from that shop when they could not answer a simple, yet important question. They have to know this, as it is a compliancy to the new electrical regulations. So I’m not confident in that shop anymore and won’t be buying anything from them.
I’ve been thinking about something. About how it is harder to be a woman in a men’s world. How when you have to deal with male population in their professional pool they swim, you have to be twice as smarter as an ordinary man has to be just to get them to pay attention to the point you’re making…so many times I’ve noticed that when I speak to someone who is doing some “manly” job for me or something, they do not take in what I’m saying. Not until I’ve done my homework and learned it myself and then just run them into the corner where they cannot see how to look me in the face and lie. I surprised people by the things I managed to discover that makes their job easier and my house neater. Things like wireless switches and such and I ended up suggesting the electrician how to connect the wires without making too much of the job. And I’m boasting now. But I have the rights to do so because while it maybe a standard set of knowledge for some or for many, it was something that I only learned now. So I’m learned and proud. In spite of the fact that I may never need this knowledge ever again. By the time for my next project the technology will offer something else and will demand to know it. So the point I was trying to make was that it takes more effort for a woman to be heard by the men professionally. Especially when they have that suspicion that I might know something they do not know. Ever since I’ve started this project, it has been banging my head at the walls of unwillingness to understand most of the time. I’m getting through, no problem, only it is slower and unnecessary painful.
I’ve been having a struggle with computer desk. It is a big corner one and I had to put it back from flat pack. And I simply didn’t have enough hands to hold all parts together while putting yet another one on top. I found myself sitting on the floor under the half-assembled desk, holding the side boards with both hands while trying to balance the huge triangular top on my…head…yep, it was as complicated as that. And it didn’t work at first, the side boards were too far away from each other and too heavy for me to fit them properly before they fall apart. And they kept falling and the desk top hurt my head and the pose was so awkward. And I was lacking at least one extra hand. I just sat there and cried. Because the simplest things are never simple in my new life. It is a good analogy with emotional state. Trying to hold some things, trying to balance some others and they keep falling apart despite of your hardest effort. And when eventually you’ll manage to put them together, the effort took away all the joy of the end result. I was just glad I do not have to do it again.
Gee, that was a long update despite of the initial statement...time to wrap it up.