MissTick
Thingish Things

Not a deafening silence, but, you know, The Quietness of when you had a lot of busy buzzing and then it’s all came to a halt. A good Quiet. It is inertia, my mind is unable to “stop” sharply, instead he pushed me into confusion state when you know there is nothing there to be done, yet the same time you have a disturbing sense of there is something you have to do but you forgot what it is. There is nothing there to be done. Any more. About my house. Period. I have completed the extra-curriculum task of prepping a spare bedroom ready for a lodger, all the cosmetic redecorations done, furniture ordered and this coming weekend I’ll be playing flat-packs. Seems like nothing compare to what I’ve been challenged with before. And finally a decision has been made about the decking, the type, the design, the size, the contractor; all will be a go-ahead in a two-three months time, pending my financial situation. And I had to say it out loud once more, mainly, for myself: there is nothing else that needs to be done about the house. For that moment and for the nearest future moments, that is. And it has turned awkwardly quiet in my world. Not that I do not know what to do with myself. I just kind of don’t know how to do it what I want to do with myself. I forgot how it feels not to have things to think through or to work on or to make decisions about. Subconsciously I’m searching for them. Consciously I’m forcing myself to accept the fact that I can let it go and just enjoy the results of my half-a-year hard work. I think, I might have to find a “rebound” project, somebody else’s house I can transform dramatically or just a tiny bit even. Just to ease me back into a normal world of a day-to-day pleasures that do not relate to the building, fixing or refurbishing activities. Instead of breaking sharply, I want to take a slowing down path to gently slide off the slope of responsibilities. So I came here in search for the familiar habits. Of writing. Of thinking. I wonder how easy it will be to get back into the diarist mode. As long as I’ll have thoughts to share. Which I haven’t. Well, right now I don’t. But don’t despair, all will be well in the end... *and my favourite add-on*... and if it’s not well, it’s not the end yet.