MissTick
Thingish Things

Hello World...it's been a while...I was busy with life, this is as much as I can say really...Strange, how the words have been always in my head, I've been writing in my diary all the time...only not in writing...the habit of talking to yourself didn't dissapear, just didn't have a chance to catch up on a screen...Until now...because now life is finally coming to a still...still enough to take a breath from reality and turn into oneself for reflection or two... This time of life has somewhat bittersweet flavour to it...In few months time I'll be half-century old...wow, this word IS ancient! Certainly, special enough to pay close attention to it...Fifty...Among my many friends I'm considered a "youngster" , which is fair enough. I don't feel old and I don't feel being aged or anything. I'm not complaining about getting closer to the "The Five O", I'm in peace with the fact...I'm just slightly amused how it affected my attitude ...this last year, before I'm fifty, I've been busy...bringing my life as close to my dream as possible...literally...suddenly I realised that I am tired of making plans for the future, to do this and to do that and never really give anything a go, procrastinating, making up pathetic excuses for postponing things to the future...suddenly I felt this urge to have all the "big" changes I want in my life to happenned before The Date...don't ask me why, for I don't know...call it an obsession or what, I don't care...I feel the need, I followed the call, I'm about to complete all the "must have"s before I'm fifty years old and then all I'll ever be doing will be "wants"...yes, I'm determined at that. Obvously, everyone knows, things are never the way we plan them, but good intentions are, at least, part of the deal. And I have got all of them...Intentions... So, in the last three years I've managed to change everything that there was there to be changed in my house. And I'm not speaking of new wallpaper or furniture. I'm talking big changes...walls removed, built, extension, this kind of things...this last year, when I finally run out of the rooms to do in the house, I've moved my distructively creative passion into the garden...new patio, all 44 sq meters of it, new back garden patio patch and mowing strips and a renovated lawn...that are my inspirations...and I'm running on time with my schedule...and once it's all done...oh, I can only imagine the sensation for now, but I think, it'll be BIG... I'm a woman with purpose...I remember once someone said to me "you are a woman who knows exactly what she wants" I think, it was a compliment...I do know what I want exactly and this certainty gives me power...I want to have my nest the way when I'll be walking around and thinking "it is perfect as it is"...only then I will call it - My Home...and only then I will start paying attention to my other needs... So I've been busy...some can call it - obsession. I don't mind...I don't mind to be obsessed with the things that makes me feel complete, accomplished and proud of myself. Damn proud...it is now been 7 years since the biggest change in my life. And I have a lot to show for it. but that's enough of self-patting on the back. Life is good when you feel good about it, no matter what... However...(and there is always something "however", isn't it?) feeling good is not always the same as being happy...and, I guess, this is what have brought me back here...this Diary has been always a way to work one's way through one's own thoughts until the real one is found, the one that matters, the one that has meaning...I can talk and talk and talk and say all the wonderful things, and say all the silly things, and say all the random things, until I'll run out of the wonderful, silly and random and that's when the true purpose will reveal itself...I've learned this from a friend...it is almost like stripping your clothes off, one by one, until you are left completely naked and face your only real image in the mirror...the more words we spent before the real ones appeared, the more sincere they will be... ...I will be fifty years old soon...it scares me...not getting old as such, as having less and less time and, more important, energy, to do the things I always wanted to do...I'm dealing with this issue in my usual way - getting out of the way all the rest important to me stuff before I can pay close attention to the stuff that matters the most...for every person it is different...whatever your inspirations might be...mine - simple: I want to see as much of the World as I can...I want to have a real quality time with all of my friends, from the past, present and future...This is my reward to myself, I believe, I deserved...But it does requires a lot of effort...So, having spent the first half of my life dedicated to the material things, I intend to spend the second part catching up with the intellectual...and here is where The Bucket List comes into play...But this will be for another time, another entry...