MissTick
Thingish Things

Things are never the same what we make of them...I've been called being phylosophical recently...that definition hasn't been applied to me for some time...For a period of time I have been just practical...And now I'm back to what I was before...well, at least, this is what I made of the comment anyway...Does being phylosophical just means  - having more time on your hands?..perhaps, it does...I found when one's mind is occupied with the reality, thoughts aren't have much chance to settle in before they are pushed overboard by the practical considerations...to be perfectly honest, I'm tired of plans...I seems to be always in the process of planning something...I remember the time when the furthest plans I could possibly make was about today..."Let  us live through today for a start..."I remember this well...back then it was a scary sense of lost life's purpose...now I am almost missing this luxury of not having any plans for next day...it gives you false sense of freedom...freedom to do whatever you'd want to do at any particular next moment...oh, how I miss that now! silly was I back then when I didn't realise my lucky chance and didn't use it to the fullest...the places I could go visit, people I could go meet...and, the most important of all - time I could've spend with my self...a quality time...don't we all need that?...I used to have imaginery friend, had endless conversations with him, imagined dialogues between us talking things through over  and over, until one of us becomes clear...it was me every time, of course...my friend was a Frog, how he can possibly understand?! ..now, that sounds slightly crazy...I wish I can find back all that insanity that I enjoyed so much in the past...not too much to ask for, isn't it?..what holds me?..only my own restrains...the chains I sentenced myself to...perhaps, it was with good intentions...perhaps, if I dare to open my eyes, I will see that it is not the chains that hold me, but me holding on them...all I need to do is - open my palms and let them go... I am reminded of a spiral...all the things come back at us eventually, each next time - on a different level...I can ponder the very same questions I used to ponder before and come up with the totally different answers this time...isn't it what we are supposed to do throughout life - figure out all the same basic questions, tackle them on the different levels until we'll exhaust all the answers and finally find that we never really needed to know... I wonder...