I slept in today, finally! My first time getting to sleep in for a long time, I was SO looking forward to this. Forget all of the packing and stuff that is not nearly done that needs to be soon, since any time now, this week I'm supposed to move in the foster familys house. I woke up still not talking to mom, just rolling my eyes at her wake up, it's 2:15, you shouldn't beasleep still. I rolled my eyes because she didn't notice my eyes were already open, that I was just lying down.
I started the day watching a little bit of tv, packing some more, I still have the rest of the family room to finish, the basement, and then I need to search the rest of the house for my things so that I can know where everything is when I decide what to take with me to Ada's house. Yesterday at work I found out that this coming weekend will be the first start of my only working saturdays and sundays, things are moving forward and getting scary, but I feel in coontrol again. Now I don't know how I'll feel when I actually go but I feel better about it now then I did after I stayed the night there. Yet I've started eating again, kept on doing it. I need to quit that. :(
I finally decided to hobble, yes, my ankle still hurts, but I can walk a lot easier on it now, and make some cereal, with thinking I shouldn't, but then decided that I was hungry, but the only reason I ate it was because I all of a sudden I wanted raisin brand and I haven't gotten to brushing my teeth yet, but I smoked a cigg, trying to get ahold of David and failing, and so I ate that, went to brsh my teeth, did something or other, I think watched tv for a little bit and tried David again and then I went back in the kitchen, ate two donuts and ate a sandwich, went into the bathroom, did something I never did before, I threw up by putting my fingers down my throat, I throw up differently other times, it's harder for me to gag myself first, I usually drink a lot of water and it comes out easier, but this made me feel better fastre, like as soon as I gagged enough to do it, I felt like it allcame out at the same time, but I know it didn't, my eyes were red and watery but it doesn't matter for me, i thought that, and turned the water off while I was doing it, I thought well, who cares if mom heard me? She knows I do it, it's like how she let me sneak smoking before.
Then later of course she picked me up and we went to a rest. I had a foot long, an ice cream, root beer and it was good but I didn't get to throw that up ;( I was too busy, we had to go get gas, my ciggs, and I had to feed our new stray cats, and as soon as we got home I listened to messages on the voice mail and it was about 7, my uncle a truck driver from GA he was in town and asked us to meet him at white castles and we did, I brought him some pictures, he swears that he knows another Mary that looks eactly like me, is 19, but well, I feel sorry for the poor girl if she really looks that much like me. Maybe she's my double, I really, truley feel sorry for her. I wonder if she's bulimic? I mean, Kenny said that she was about the same size and build. I hope she likes how she looks or is annoretic. Woah, I feel like I'm controlling a body that is mine but on someone else. Ok, now, Mary.
So we get home and nothing, but david called! He wasn't off today like he said he'd be, and had to help a friend of his with something and mechanics, he said his friend is like a brother to him, he's a sweet person like that. He loves his family, and he's a good person, likes to help. I needed him last night, though, and I got ahold of him on the phone but at least I didn't get to bug him. I'll explain that when I write about yesterday.
I started the day watching a little bit of tv, packing some more, I still have the rest of the family room to finish, the basement, and then I need to search the rest of the house for my things so that I can know where everything is when I decide what to take with me to Ada's house. Yesterday at work I found out that this coming weekend will be the first start of my only working saturdays and sundays, things are moving forward and getting scary, but I feel in coontrol again. Now I don't know how I'll feel when I actually go but I feel better about it now then I did after I stayed the night there. Yet I've started eating again, kept on doing it. I need to quit that. :(
I finally decided to hobble, yes, my ankle still hurts, but I can walk a lot easier on it now, and make some cereal, with thinking I shouldn't, but then decided that I was hungry, but the only reason I ate it was because I all of a sudden I wanted raisin brand and I haven't gotten to brushing my teeth yet, but I smoked a cigg, trying to get ahold of David and failing, and so I ate that, went to brsh my teeth, did something or other, I think watched tv for a little bit and tried David again and then I went back in the kitchen, ate two donuts and ate a sandwich, went into the bathroom, did something I never did before, I threw up by putting my fingers down my throat, I throw up differently other times, it's harder for me to gag myself first, I usually drink a lot of water and it comes out easier, but this made me feel better fastre, like as soon as I gagged enough to do it, I felt like it allcame out at the same time, but I know it didn't, my eyes were red and watery but it doesn't matter for me, i thought that, and turned the water off while I was doing it, I thought well, who cares if mom heard me? She knows I do it, it's like how she let me sneak smoking before.
Then later of course she picked me up and we went to a rest. I had a foot long, an ice cream, root beer and it was good but I didn't get to throw that up ;( I was too busy, we had to go get gas, my ciggs, and I had to feed our new stray cats, and as soon as we got home I listened to messages on the voice mail and it was about 7, my uncle a truck driver from GA he was in town and asked us to meet him at white castles and we did, I brought him some pictures, he swears that he knows another Mary that looks eactly like me, is 19, but well, I feel sorry for the poor girl if she really looks that much like me. Maybe she's my double, I really, truley feel sorry for her. I wonder if she's bulimic? I mean, Kenny said that she was about the same size and build. I hope she likes how she looks or is annoretic. Woah, I feel like I'm controlling a body that is mine but on someone else. Ok, now, Mary.
So we get home and nothing, but david called! He wasn't off today like he said he'd be, and had to help a friend of his with something and mechanics, he said his friend is like a brother to him, he's a sweet person like that. He loves his family, and he's a good person, likes to help. I needed him last night, though, and I got ahold of him on the phone but at least I didn't get to bug him. I'll explain that when I write about yesterday.