I feel guilty whenever I pray for something for just myself, but tonight I have one of those prayers but it can and will extend to others at some point, as well. Many others. This is huge, and very important to me.
I just registered to be an advocate for eating disorders. I am not 100% well right now, and that bothers me. Maybe this really is something that can lead me on a better path,..
I am off to Washington DC in a couple of months to lobby for a bill that will help support ED recovery. This bill has got to pass into a law. If it had passed a few years ago I would have been in better shape at one of my sicker times. Someone, many people right now need this help.
I am scared. I had already paid to be a part of all these events in a couple of months but am having trouble with getting my flight and hotel reservations booked. It has to do with my card, and probably is because my money that I am using for this trip is still pending. I may just have to be patient, which is SO difficult. I need to get there, and get there healthy. I have some time to keep working, but if I don't use this trip to motivate me a lot, I don't know what is next. I am sick of being sick!
I compulsively shopped tonight. I heard someone from a clean house episode, the messiest house of the year call it "shop therapy". My therapist makes me feel more inspired then this though, and without all the guilt, too. It's not theraputic. I bought stuff that I wanted for a long time and haven't been able to get till now. I bought a new toaster, and a microwave, and some dish towels, pots, pans, utensils, oven mitt, pot holders, placemat to put under the cat dishes,. and it was all important and I felt guilty. I guess I was in the mood to remodel the kitchen some. I am going to try and give Jason my old things so that he can start being inspired to live on his own, and I am hoping that this will help get me more healthy about being in the kitchen.
I came home and haven't felt motivated to get the rest of the things out of the car, to clean, do anything. Now it's late but I feel like I have been wasting too much time. I binged and purged twice tonight. I have a very sore throat that I made sorer and I am not doing as well as I want to be before going to this upcoming event. I am staying positive, though. I will try to do better tomorrow.
I just registered to be an advocate for eating disorders. I am not 100% well right now, and that bothers me. Maybe this really is something that can lead me on a better path,..
I am off to Washington DC in a couple of months to lobby for a bill that will help support ED recovery. This bill has got to pass into a law. If it had passed a few years ago I would have been in better shape at one of my sicker times. Someone, many people right now need this help.
I am scared. I had already paid to be a part of all these events in a couple of months but am having trouble with getting my flight and hotel reservations booked. It has to do with my card, and probably is because my money that I am using for this trip is still pending. I may just have to be patient, which is SO difficult. I need to get there, and get there healthy. I have some time to keep working, but if I don't use this trip to motivate me a lot, I don't know what is next. I am sick of being sick!
I compulsively shopped tonight. I heard someone from a clean house episode, the messiest house of the year call it "shop therapy". My therapist makes me feel more inspired then this though, and without all the guilt, too. It's not theraputic. I bought stuff that I wanted for a long time and haven't been able to get till now. I bought a new toaster, and a microwave, and some dish towels, pots, pans, utensils, oven mitt, pot holders, placemat to put under the cat dishes,. and it was all important and I felt guilty. I guess I was in the mood to remodel the kitchen some. I am going to try and give Jason my old things so that he can start being inspired to live on his own, and I am hoping that this will help get me more healthy about being in the kitchen.
I came home and haven't felt motivated to get the rest of the things out of the car, to clean, do anything. Now it's late but I feel like I have been wasting too much time. I binged and purged twice tonight. I have a very sore throat that I made sorer and I am not doing as well as I want to be before going to this upcoming event. I am staying positive, though. I will try to do better tomorrow.