I have been spending way too much money lately. I have bought things because I could, (my trip coming up right around the time I got tax money back) because I have felt deprived (Valentines day white chocolate covered pretzels) and because something was on sale (the sleeping beauty doll) and because I want it (pretty stuff, a new microwave that's black.)
I am happy with what I have gotten but I am starting to worry. I paid my bills for now, paid for all the parts of my trip, bought some clothes, remodeled my kitchen, got the kids some surprises, and I still am not broke. I'm getting there, though, and have to figure out a way to stop spending at all!
I'm finally going to go to lunch with my neighbor/new friend tomorrow. I am excited, tired and nervous. I was starting to recover, but it got to be too much for me all of a sudden. I did something a little new tonight though to start off a relapse, I bought diuretics, and just took two. I have taken them a couple of times on the past, never felt anything, usually got rid of them before trying it again. This is just good timing right now. I had some money, I am on my period and the way I have been doing better lately is by making sure I ate 3 meals a day, but I always also ate more than that, too. I think weighing myself the other night was a trigger. I think that not getting a lot of exercise has been a trigger. I think me being scared of entering into a new friendship and relationship with someone after a hurtful last so many is scary and triggering. She likes me, though, and seems really great herself. I just feel so different, and she is so good, and I don't feel like I measure up. I feel sorry for her wanting to go out in public with me, and I am not worried about the food, just the conversation, eye contact, the fact that I can talk way too much bothers me. She lives just down the hall, and I have been trying to think olf a way us neighbors could get to know each other better, and become closer,.. I already have smoked and gone to parties of different kinds with 6 different neighbors in our building. Late last summer I had this little game night and a lot of people came, and we just sat around, relaxed, and it was so nice!!! I want to do that every so often on a normal basis,....
I don't know what to expect from these pills, and I know I should be feeling bad for ruining my recovery, but I just can't help it. I need a little break right now, I think.