Hola!
Ok, I'm about to complain BIG TIME on here. Noone else like here is doing anything about it, and I need to talk! or Write!!! Sue and I are thinking about running away one day. I can't handle things right now, I've gained 3 pounds, I'm still busily trying to keep up with school even though the second quarter is just starting, I am doing ok at wendy's, just getting the hang of things there, I'm sick, it could be anything from a cold to mono, I get extremely tired afetr a little bit of anything like standing, or talking, trying to breathe out of my mouth, sleeping more at night, around ten or so, but waking up a few times during the night, I feel really terrible, it started like when I woke up last thursday I think, I remember whatever day it started on I lied down in the nurses office, and yet I got up when I needed to go to my piano lab, take a test, go right back there to lie down again, then I got up to help take care of the kids and I felt better later that day, then sunday night I was miserable, I've been going to school, working, babysitting, et cetera, and so I whined to my mother Ann that I was sick, she told me to take one of her antibiotics, then she whined about why I wanted an advil of hers.
Tuesday morning after the third time waking up I actually got up, unfortuantly fully concious and able to feel the pain, and I went up to Ann's room and I told her that I wasn't feeling well, could I please stay home? She told me that I could just walk home from school; she was still asleep and then she asked me what the drums were, it was the music coming from Teri's bedroom. So I went to school, Cilla said I looked gross, I was very pale and I guess tired looking and really crappy feeling, and I went to school, later on I called my dad to pick me up, and I already called Ann but she was at work and so she also for some reason didn't want me to leave school, her excuse being I've missed enough already, and so dad after being paged a few times finally called and he came and got me during the end of my second to last class, the teacher for my last class was the one who was in the attendance office and signed me out. My dad is listed on my emergency medical form, so he is allowed to do stuff like that, Ann wrote his name and number on there! Anyways, we stopped by her work becaiuse I needed a key to get in the hoy=use, I was too weak to go to my locker and get my coat with the key in the pocket, so she made me stay there and she told everyone how I was not sick and left early ithout her permission and how she was going to ground me for two weeks and I was already still grounded for sneaking out to buy laxatives, but I'm grounded for longer now, and she yelled at dad, said I was trying to page you to not pick her up and telling me his lawyer was going to get this nice little letter from her lawyer (they're still divorcing, for like 3 years) and I rushed to an eye appointment, got a prescritption for glasses, rushed to group, rushed to trick ot treat with my nurses uniform on, ann drove Priscilla and myself around, and for asking a question, where we were going to do that at, ann said " just FUCK YOU, BITCH!!!" to me, and then she told me at the beginn. of our neighborhood to get out of the car, walk home, and then said you are going straight home, right? and I sarcastically, like the b she claims I am, said, no, I was planning on stopping at a few places first, she said something like I'd be sorry if I didn't go straight home. I just wanted Cilla to still get to trick or treat, I didn't care about myself, I wasn't feeling up to it, anyway, because since I've been sick I haven't had a lot of time to rest and get better. So I was pissed, and as little energy as I had, I managed to go straight home, running to my house as soon as I got close enough because it was hard to not cry and there were all of these adorable little dressed up kids, with these unheard of loving parents enjoying their kids' happiness for that couple of hours. I had to hurry and run. And lay down for a while, till I could catch my breath.
My mom wants counseling to end, and that's because she told me it wasn't helping. How could it? the counselors told me that we weren't doing what they asked of us. Me, to sleep in my bed at night on time with that trazodone, I haven't been taking it, when I have fallen asleep before sick it was late, and on the couch. Plus my eating, well,..... and Ann has been out every night lately, gambling, Ann told Sue for some reason when she called me that Chuck, my dad was trying to get us kids and she's not going to let that happen because he's an unfit parent, unfit!!!! He doesn't hurt me, he cares, a little at least and we get along, he does not hit me, nor call me names, like a bitch, and Ann LIED when she told the counselorr that is leaving the office that he had raped and beat her, I'm sorry, I know things like that are hard to believe from family members but there are some who LIE. To sound victimized, and it's crazy!!!! I hate her, Ann, so much, I want away from her, before she phy. hurts me again, she used to hurt me real bad, so bad, anything from kicking me, to pulling my hair, to yelling and cussing at me, spittng on my face, hitting my head, me running from her, the bathroom, I used to run in there, cry and sound like I was choking on the sobs, look in the mirror and think WHY??? Why me???? I don't know what to do. She's the moonster under my bed, or couch. She's the only one I'm scared of. I'm shivering right now, it's so much worse, and people who are there to keep IT from happeniing won't be around anymore, I can't live like this anymore!!!!!!!!!! If Ann hates me that much, then is child support that good, good enough to keep putting up with me? Why won't she leave me be??? I'm not looking farward to anything anymore, there is a sweet boy David, at school, and we are trying to get a time to go somewhere together outside of school, as friends, and I don't know, I am not sure of what to do anymore. I can't grow up to be this happy person, someone who marry, has kids, and a nice job beinga paramedic, I can't even tolerate Ann calling me a bitch, how will I handle future people??? The hospital staff member once asked me if I felt that there was anyone out to get me, and there is, Ann, she hates me, she let's me know, and I don't know what I did to her!!! Oh, God, how I wish I knew! I would change it as soon as I'd find out, I have to withdrawl, people are leaving me, so I have to get out.
I have to write less, talk less, see people less, get outta here, too. I'm such an ungrateful little B, I wish I could leave the people that have tried to care about me, and they really outnumber the one who despises every little breath I take.
Ok, I'm about to complain BIG TIME on here. Noone else like here is doing anything about it, and I need to talk! or Write!!! Sue and I are thinking about running away one day. I can't handle things right now, I've gained 3 pounds, I'm still busily trying to keep up with school even though the second quarter is just starting, I am doing ok at wendy's, just getting the hang of things there, I'm sick, it could be anything from a cold to mono, I get extremely tired afetr a little bit of anything like standing, or talking, trying to breathe out of my mouth, sleeping more at night, around ten or so, but waking up a few times during the night, I feel really terrible, it started like when I woke up last thursday I think, I remember whatever day it started on I lied down in the nurses office, and yet I got up when I needed to go to my piano lab, take a test, go right back there to lie down again, then I got up to help take care of the kids and I felt better later that day, then sunday night I was miserable, I've been going to school, working, babysitting, et cetera, and so I whined to my mother Ann that I was sick, she told me to take one of her antibiotics, then she whined about why I wanted an advil of hers.
Tuesday morning after the third time waking up I actually got up, unfortuantly fully concious and able to feel the pain, and I went up to Ann's room and I told her that I wasn't feeling well, could I please stay home? She told me that I could just walk home from school; she was still asleep and then she asked me what the drums were, it was the music coming from Teri's bedroom. So I went to school, Cilla said I looked gross, I was very pale and I guess tired looking and really crappy feeling, and I went to school, later on I called my dad to pick me up, and I already called Ann but she was at work and so she also for some reason didn't want me to leave school, her excuse being I've missed enough already, and so dad after being paged a few times finally called and he came and got me during the end of my second to last class, the teacher for my last class was the one who was in the attendance office and signed me out. My dad is listed on my emergency medical form, so he is allowed to do stuff like that, Ann wrote his name and number on there! Anyways, we stopped by her work becaiuse I needed a key to get in the hoy=use, I was too weak to go to my locker and get my coat with the key in the pocket, so she made me stay there and she told everyone how I was not sick and left early ithout her permission and how she was going to ground me for two weeks and I was already still grounded for sneaking out to buy laxatives, but I'm grounded for longer now, and she yelled at dad, said I was trying to page you to not pick her up and telling me his lawyer was going to get this nice little letter from her lawyer (they're still divorcing, for like 3 years) and I rushed to an eye appointment, got a prescritption for glasses, rushed to group, rushed to trick ot treat with my nurses uniform on, ann drove Priscilla and myself around, and for asking a question, where we were going to do that at, ann said " just FUCK YOU, BITCH!!!" to me, and then she told me at the beginn. of our neighborhood to get out of the car, walk home, and then said you are going straight home, right? and I sarcastically, like the b she claims I am, said, no, I was planning on stopping at a few places first, she said something like I'd be sorry if I didn't go straight home. I just wanted Cilla to still get to trick or treat, I didn't care about myself, I wasn't feeling up to it, anyway, because since I've been sick I haven't had a lot of time to rest and get better. So I was pissed, and as little energy as I had, I managed to go straight home, running to my house as soon as I got close enough because it was hard to not cry and there were all of these adorable little dressed up kids, with these unheard of loving parents enjoying their kids' happiness for that couple of hours. I had to hurry and run. And lay down for a while, till I could catch my breath.
My mom wants counseling to end, and that's because she told me it wasn't helping. How could it? the counselors told me that we weren't doing what they asked of us. Me, to sleep in my bed at night on time with that trazodone, I haven't been taking it, when I have fallen asleep before sick it was late, and on the couch. Plus my eating, well,..... and Ann has been out every night lately, gambling, Ann told Sue for some reason when she called me that Chuck, my dad was trying to get us kids and she's not going to let that happen because he's an unfit parent, unfit!!!! He doesn't hurt me, he cares, a little at least and we get along, he does not hit me, nor call me names, like a bitch, and Ann LIED when she told the counselorr that is leaving the office that he had raped and beat her, I'm sorry, I know things like that are hard to believe from family members but there are some who LIE. To sound victimized, and it's crazy!!!! I hate her, Ann, so much, I want away from her, before she phy. hurts me again, she used to hurt me real bad, so bad, anything from kicking me, to pulling my hair, to yelling and cussing at me, spittng on my face, hitting my head, me running from her, the bathroom, I used to run in there, cry and sound like I was choking on the sobs, look in the mirror and think WHY??? Why me???? I don't know what to do. She's the moonster under my bed, or couch. She's the only one I'm scared of. I'm shivering right now, it's so much worse, and people who are there to keep IT from happeniing won't be around anymore, I can't live like this anymore!!!!!!!!!! If Ann hates me that much, then is child support that good, good enough to keep putting up with me? Why won't she leave me be??? I'm not looking farward to anything anymore, there is a sweet boy David, at school, and we are trying to get a time to go somewhere together outside of school, as friends, and I don't know, I am not sure of what to do anymore. I can't grow up to be this happy person, someone who marry, has kids, and a nice job beinga paramedic, I can't even tolerate Ann calling me a bitch, how will I handle future people??? The hospital staff member once asked me if I felt that there was anyone out to get me, and there is, Ann, she hates me, she let's me know, and I don't know what I did to her!!! Oh, God, how I wish I knew! I would change it as soon as I'd find out, I have to withdrawl, people are leaving me, so I have to get out.
I have to write less, talk less, see people less, get outta here, too. I'm such an ungrateful little B, I wish I could leave the people that have tried to care about me, and they really outnumber the one who despises every little breath I take.