Oh, boy do I need some sleep,.... I have been running around a lot lately, and I'm actually finally tired! I mean, it only took a while, it was around 3 in the morning when I first came upstairs and saw what time it was, and I was thinking woah, where did the time go???
Ok I read those last comments, and Paul, I'm sorry about being late, but I was talking about the real 100th entry, and you should know by now I'm late with EVERYTHING!!! :) I really don't mean to be! That's just how I am,....
Sasha, 100 things I lie about myself??? You have GOT to be kidding! I mean, it's hard to have good days, even, like happy or positive days, how can I think of that many things I like about myself???
One of my first therapists, I have had Kathy, Rhonda, Pat and Steve now and I think in that order, or Pat was before Rhonda, and one of them had me make a list once of positive and negative things about myself, then at school (I think it was Kathy) she had me go one by one to basically use her logic on stuff, because I had a hard time with the pos. side but an easy time with the neg. side, and last year my english teacher had us write ten things we like about ourselves and all I wrote was I can't make any up or something like that. This is what she took time out to write on it for me: (it had to be gard, too):
The top, since I just went downstairs to get it: 10 positive things about me 3/22/00 under the date in pink ink has by: Mrs. Toliver
1: great smile
2: friendly
3: hardworking (when not asleep she put in these parenthesis) hehehe
4: great writer
5: wavy hair (I love wavy hair! she also put in parenthesis)
6: smart
7: tall (taller then me; students make fun of my height.) mright there made me feel like she figured I'd show people hat she wrote, which I did :)
8: has a cool diary (no, I haven't started this cool diary yet, I just happened to show her this journal I got last year for Christmas, not this last one, but the last she loved it)
9: a twin! ( I don't have a sister :( ) she had teri in a diffreent class, because I was in college prep, and Teri wasn't
10: blank, with an arrow under it, with the words It's your turn to write the last one. PLEASE with three lines under the please. I think she was just running out of ideas, but ok, see, I'm acting like that didn't mean anything to me, but it was very nice!!! I wrote I try to be a good friend just to make her happy.
Ok, now, I really know that it would take a ton of work to think of those ten things that I like about myself, muh less going with the 100, honestly, I bet I couldn't even think of 100 bad things about myself!!! I could get closer with the neg. stuff, though.
I'll try to think of some now, anyway, and whoever reads this, if you think it could be true, please let me know,... be honest, though, if I am going to be, you gotta be, too,.... :) here we go I need to start getting some self esteem in anyway. HHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,................
1: I'm a good and fun babysitter
2: I'm a friendly person, not that that's good all the time, like my next one
3: I'm trust worthy
4: I try not to judge anyone until I've gotten to know them better, and I still keep an open mind then
5: I'm wild sometimes in good, and/or harmless ways anyhow
6: I'm good with adjusting to changes
7: I help people out and I'm pretty good with it
8: most of the time when doing things I have good intentions
9: I'm compassionate and sensitive except during certain times of the month (haha just playing :)
10: I'm a good reader
11: I'm a sweetie (just ask Kip! :)
12: I'm there if I can be
13: reliable
ok, now since I have this thing about writing long entries, I want to name a few things, both good and bad that I have gotten from other people, just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head:
I don't believe some of it, whether they really think it's true or not, and I can't remember all of the people that have said each thing,....
People have said that I am beutiful, I have a great smile and that I'm the perfect size and I don't need to lose any more weight, that my chest is perfect (I'm not that big, chest wise, but it used to bother me and make me feel uncomfortable all of the time, and for some reason after someone suggested getting a breast reduction surgery to make me feel better it didn''t bother me anymore), I even bought some tight fitting shrts once for some odd reason and people said that my eyelashes are long and beautiful, that my eyebrows are just naturally arched, a teacher said I was very reliable when I always borrowed books from her and once asked for a couple at a time, one teacher, Mrs. H said that I knew how to treat kids, and that one day I'd make a good teacher or nurse (even if I had told her what I wanted to be, a medic and now a ff) I have these letters, one from Teri and one from a girl in my class and one from someone who started theirs out as you don't know me but I have seen you,... those I got before going back to school after my breif hospital stay from the first laxatives I've taken, a million or so (not really) but Teri hasn't heard what really happened, she thought that I had taken just any pills to help me lose weight, and a lot and had a heart attack and I did take a lot of pills, but I didn't have a heart attack, but they said I could've if my electrolytes were too off balance I always seem to get off the subject, huh?
Ok, I haven't mentioned the bad stuff yet, but I did want to say something, I had an embarrassing day today in ways, earlier I had gone to the gas station to get a bunch of candy, I don't know why, but the guy said these exact words: damn, girl! You got the munchies or something? I'm not the type to throw the candy at his face, but if I were,... I couldn't halp it, I got so hungry after waking up, and I should've even gone in, but then I grabbed some stuff, and they weren't fat free, that made me feel horrible though :( And I did say it's not like I'm oing to eat these all today but I did. He ignored that anyway, and turned to this little tv to eatch football. I didn't throw it up, too busy watching Ashley and Cilla and cleaning, and giving them jobs to keep busy with pay, like quarters and stuff, and I really should have. I'll make up for it, though. And I've decided, I'm not going o take lunchin with me any day this week, not when I'm just in the nurses office at lunchtoime and esp. when Steve and Angie are there on thurdsay. If I chicken out on trying to make it to where they won't come to school to see me anymore, since that's what they said they'd do if I didn't bring lunch, well, I'll just make an excuse up. I don't care, either. And tomorrow I'll take some laxes in the morning, i have been thinking about them all day, and all I have to do is stay home since we don't have school and watch Ashely till her dad comes, and then Cilla till her dad gets back from work, he's actaully getting rwady to go in now, he already went out to start hos car, he's used to me still being awake when he is leaving. I just say hi, he sighs and says hello.
I just looked at the clock again, it's only 523 a.m. right now. I hope the girls' will get me up sometime later on!!! We have a busy day, were planning on doing things like makng presents and walking down to a store for the fun of taking a walk and making the kids feel like grown ups.
Paul, I promise I'll look into that margin thing now, and I'll try to make the diary look nice again, too. I'll get off here now, because I see that this entry is already retty long and I'm getting tired. I want to read a little before I sleep, though. Tomorrow I'm going to write about other things, esp. how another thing I've been thinking about today was the hospital, well, ye for now! Actually, Paul, is it better now? I looked at some things, and ZI noticced that the entry aboiut that nightmare I had, well, it seemed like it was wider then the next few,... let me know and I'll try to fix it if it's still a problem :0 k?
Wait,.... was this my 103rd entry??? I'm getting confused now, P!!!
What I think I did was screw something up on here, and I can't see a comments button or anything, sheesh!!! I treid another one and made the date for tomorrow so that it wouldn't come on this entry, and clicked on the thing that said to not give to people on the notify list or something, but it came up on there so ut should come on my next entry anyways, good night for now *YAWN*
Ok I read those last comments, and Paul, I'm sorry about being late, but I was talking about the real 100th entry, and you should know by now I'm late with EVERYTHING!!! :) I really don't mean to be! That's just how I am,....
Sasha, 100 things I lie about myself??? You have GOT to be kidding! I mean, it's hard to have good days, even, like happy or positive days, how can I think of that many things I like about myself???
One of my first therapists, I have had Kathy, Rhonda, Pat and Steve now and I think in that order, or Pat was before Rhonda, and one of them had me make a list once of positive and negative things about myself, then at school (I think it was Kathy) she had me go one by one to basically use her logic on stuff, because I had a hard time with the pos. side but an easy time with the neg. side, and last year my english teacher had us write ten things we like about ourselves and all I wrote was I can't make any up or something like that. This is what she took time out to write on it for me: (it had to be gard, too):
The top, since I just went downstairs to get it: 10 positive things about me 3/22/00 under the date in pink ink has by: Mrs. Toliver
1: great smile
2: friendly
3: hardworking (when not asleep she put in these parenthesis) hehehe
4: great writer
5: wavy hair (I love wavy hair! she also put in parenthesis)
6: smart
7: tall (taller then me; students make fun of my height.) mright there made me feel like she figured I'd show people hat she wrote, which I did :)
8: has a cool diary (no, I haven't started this cool diary yet, I just happened to show her this journal I got last year for Christmas, not this last one, but the last she loved it)
9: a twin! ( I don't have a sister :( ) she had teri in a diffreent class, because I was in college prep, and Teri wasn't
10: blank, with an arrow under it, with the words It's your turn to write the last one. PLEASE with three lines under the please. I think she was just running out of ideas, but ok, see, I'm acting like that didn't mean anything to me, but it was very nice!!! I wrote I try to be a good friend just to make her happy.
Ok, now, I really know that it would take a ton of work to think of those ten things that I like about myself, muh less going with the 100, honestly, I bet I couldn't even think of 100 bad things about myself!!! I could get closer with the neg. stuff, though.
I'll try to think of some now, anyway, and whoever reads this, if you think it could be true, please let me know,... be honest, though, if I am going to be, you gotta be, too,.... :) here we go I need to start getting some self esteem in anyway. HHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,................
1: I'm a good and fun babysitter
2: I'm a friendly person, not that that's good all the time, like my next one
3: I'm trust worthy
4: I try not to judge anyone until I've gotten to know them better, and I still keep an open mind then
5: I'm wild sometimes in good, and/or harmless ways anyhow
6: I'm good with adjusting to changes
7: I help people out and I'm pretty good with it
8: most of the time when doing things I have good intentions
9: I'm compassionate and sensitive except during certain times of the month (haha just playing :)
10: I'm a good reader
11: I'm a sweetie (just ask Kip! :)
12: I'm there if I can be
13: reliable
ok, now since I have this thing about writing long entries, I want to name a few things, both good and bad that I have gotten from other people, just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head:
I don't believe some of it, whether they really think it's true or not, and I can't remember all of the people that have said each thing,....
People have said that I am beutiful, I have a great smile and that I'm the perfect size and I don't need to lose any more weight, that my chest is perfect (I'm not that big, chest wise, but it used to bother me and make me feel uncomfortable all of the time, and for some reason after someone suggested getting a breast reduction surgery to make me feel better it didn''t bother me anymore), I even bought some tight fitting shrts once for some odd reason and people said that my eyelashes are long and beautiful, that my eyebrows are just naturally arched, a teacher said I was very reliable when I always borrowed books from her and once asked for a couple at a time, one teacher, Mrs. H said that I knew how to treat kids, and that one day I'd make a good teacher or nurse (even if I had told her what I wanted to be, a medic and now a ff) I have these letters, one from Teri and one from a girl in my class and one from someone who started theirs out as you don't know me but I have seen you,... those I got before going back to school after my breif hospital stay from the first laxatives I've taken, a million or so (not really) but Teri hasn't heard what really happened, she thought that I had taken just any pills to help me lose weight, and a lot and had a heart attack and I did take a lot of pills, but I didn't have a heart attack, but they said I could've if my electrolytes were too off balance I always seem to get off the subject, huh?
Ok, I haven't mentioned the bad stuff yet, but I did want to say something, I had an embarrassing day today in ways, earlier I had gone to the gas station to get a bunch of candy, I don't know why, but the guy said these exact words: damn, girl! You got the munchies or something? I'm not the type to throw the candy at his face, but if I were,... I couldn't halp it, I got so hungry after waking up, and I should've even gone in, but then I grabbed some stuff, and they weren't fat free, that made me feel horrible though :( And I did say it's not like I'm oing to eat these all today but I did. He ignored that anyway, and turned to this little tv to eatch football. I didn't throw it up, too busy watching Ashley and Cilla and cleaning, and giving them jobs to keep busy with pay, like quarters and stuff, and I really should have. I'll make up for it, though. And I've decided, I'm not going o take lunchin with me any day this week, not when I'm just in the nurses office at lunchtoime and esp. when Steve and Angie are there on thurdsay. If I chicken out on trying to make it to where they won't come to school to see me anymore, since that's what they said they'd do if I didn't bring lunch, well, I'll just make an excuse up. I don't care, either. And tomorrow I'll take some laxes in the morning, i have been thinking about them all day, and all I have to do is stay home since we don't have school and watch Ashely till her dad comes, and then Cilla till her dad gets back from work, he's actaully getting rwady to go in now, he already went out to start hos car, he's used to me still being awake when he is leaving. I just say hi, he sighs and says hello.
I just looked at the clock again, it's only 523 a.m. right now. I hope the girls' will get me up sometime later on!!! We have a busy day, were planning on doing things like makng presents and walking down to a store for the fun of taking a walk and making the kids feel like grown ups.
Paul, I promise I'll look into that margin thing now, and I'll try to make the diary look nice again, too. I'll get off here now, because I see that this entry is already retty long and I'm getting tired. I want to read a little before I sleep, though. Tomorrow I'm going to write about other things, esp. how another thing I've been thinking about today was the hospital, well, ye for now! Actually, Paul, is it better now? I looked at some things, and ZI noticced that the entry aboiut that nightmare I had, well, it seemed like it was wider then the next few,... let me know and I'll try to fix it if it's still a problem :0 k?
Wait,.... was this my 103rd entry??? I'm getting confused now, P!!!
What I think I did was screw something up on here, and I can't see a comments button or anything, sheesh!!! I treid another one and made the date for tomorrow so that it wouldn't come on this entry, and clicked on the thing that said to not give to people on the notify list or something, but it came up on there so ut should come on my next entry anyways, good night for now *YAWN*