Yum, I had decided to, well, not sneak out but to leave the house at like midnight and I walked down o this place in the rain, bought a small cappuchino and sipped on it while reading there, then left, but in this part by a nursing home I started running, just running, and ything, anything to get rid of the calories form the capuchino, the thoughts I had, I wrote on my paper journal some weird things that didn't make sense but it filled up a few pieces of paper.
I went for the walk to try and clear my head a little, had a nice time by myself I even saw an ambulance parked at the nursing home, and watched two paramedics roll a stretcher out to it, I didn't see a patient. I got home and as soon as I came in, well, I gyuess the excer. wasn't good enoough, because I ran a lot and pushed myself, took around an hour or two for the whole trip, and as soon as I came in and got out of my wet clothes from the rain,well, I felt like I had sunburn on my face.
Today I asked Ms. B and she said, well, the thing is you would probably just go and buy some more. I stayed with her the whole time outside while she was checking off which buses came and we talked, mostly she told me that she's really getting worried because as she put it, I'm ok right now, but later, If I lived that long, I'm going to do some unreversable damage to this body I'm abusing and that it's becoming more and more frequent and she doesn't want me to do it to myself, becasue she loves me. She asked me before about how I'd feel if someone I loved was hurting theirself like that. I have no idea, I don't now anyone who is doing that. By the time I ghad to leave her earlier, she sounded like she was crying almost while telling me she was worried and that she loved me, and when I looked at her for a second, her eyes were red. I was touched. But also felt quilty, I don't mean to make her cry or almost cry. I just do this stuff to lose weight.
Today the boy that was in my first bell, aquatics, well, he turned around in my second class, piano lab and we were both surprised that he was in there, but I'm happy anyway. I think I'm starting to feel kind of attracted to him, and I don't mean like the way I usually am, where I could cuddle up to him or anything, but more,... sexually. Strange. hormones. He didn't help, when we were doing these packets and working with each other to go faster, he told me where to put some certain rests at, and I was like, you better be right or I'm kicking your a** when we go to the pool tomorrow, er, monday, er,.. Tuesday. That's the first day next week that we will be swimming again. He said, in a low whispered voice, does that mean I'll get to make contact with your body? I'm surprised at how I was acting, but I really don't care. If that happens, that's all it would be. I don't care anymore, and it's not like I'm a virgin, but I don't try to act like such a slut, either. Oh, well. His name is RJ. I will find out if that stands for something, and his last name, I know where he lives now, his number and that he's 17.
Well, time to go to work soon, and then wait for the call from him, and Paul, as long as it doesn't hurt as much as falling, you can teach me how to dive this summer, or come to my school and show me!
I went for the walk to try and clear my head a little, had a nice time by myself I even saw an ambulance parked at the nursing home, and watched two paramedics roll a stretcher out to it, I didn't see a patient. I got home and as soon as I came in, well, I gyuess the excer. wasn't good enoough, because I ran a lot and pushed myself, took around an hour or two for the whole trip, and as soon as I came in and got out of my wet clothes from the rain,well, I felt like I had sunburn on my face.
Today I asked Ms. B and she said, well, the thing is you would probably just go and buy some more. I stayed with her the whole time outside while she was checking off which buses came and we talked, mostly she told me that she's really getting worried because as she put it, I'm ok right now, but later, If I lived that long, I'm going to do some unreversable damage to this body I'm abusing and that it's becoming more and more frequent and she doesn't want me to do it to myself, becasue she loves me. She asked me before about how I'd feel if someone I loved was hurting theirself like that. I have no idea, I don't now anyone who is doing that. By the time I ghad to leave her earlier, she sounded like she was crying almost while telling me she was worried and that she loved me, and when I looked at her for a second, her eyes were red. I was touched. But also felt quilty, I don't mean to make her cry or almost cry. I just do this stuff to lose weight.
Today the boy that was in my first bell, aquatics, well, he turned around in my second class, piano lab and we were both surprised that he was in there, but I'm happy anyway. I think I'm starting to feel kind of attracted to him, and I don't mean like the way I usually am, where I could cuddle up to him or anything, but more,... sexually. Strange. hormones. He didn't help, when we were doing these packets and working with each other to go faster, he told me where to put some certain rests at, and I was like, you better be right or I'm kicking your a** when we go to the pool tomorrow, er, monday, er,.. Tuesday. That's the first day next week that we will be swimming again. He said, in a low whispered voice, does that mean I'll get to make contact with your body? I'm surprised at how I was acting, but I really don't care. If that happens, that's all it would be. I don't care anymore, and it's not like I'm a virgin, but I don't try to act like such a slut, either. Oh, well. His name is RJ. I will find out if that stands for something, and his last name, I know where he lives now, his number and that he's 17.
Well, time to go to work soon, and then wait for the call from him, and Paul, as long as it doesn't hurt as much as falling, you can teach me how to dive this summer, or come to my school and show me!