Today I woke up, went to work, and then I went to dad. I got to drive, even though it was raining. That made no sense to me, when he almost didn't let me because it was slightly raining, sprinkling! I won, I used logic, I said we'd need to learn how to drive in the rai soon, anyway. Like it was so different.
First we fought. I was having a hard time sitting in the car with him, it was the first time I have seen him since I found out how he violated our privacy.
He said maybe not today to driving, although he said yes to me on the phone when I asked him yesterday to make sure. He said we aren't going to do this every week. I got so mad for some reason. I said, fine, I will not drive with you any more. I don't fucking care. But I hope you don't let Teri, either.
He said loudly and gruffily that he didn't f'ing care, either. We rode in silence, I had no idea where he was going, but didn't care. It was like being in the car that one night with that stranger, Rob. I didn't care what he did, where he took me. Finally, tired of it, tired of how angry we were and not wanting it to stay like that all day,... and meaning it, I said, "I'm sorry.
Things got better after that. We talked a little about the private investigators. I think he honestly believes he's doing the right thing, and really trying to tell us that it's not about us,... but what I believe is the truth, it is about us.
Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know anymore. Every year that question get's harder and harder to answer. I mean, I was in first grade, saw myself getting through the last couple years of high school, and since I was beginning to get to every book in the house, including momx old college books and other ones, well, I wanted to be a layer. In sixth grade I saw myself locked up from mom. In a psych ward or jail cell. I won't go there. It's too painful. I saw myself as nothing, dead even living.
Now I see myself as alone, and struggling. I'm scared to death all of the time almost litterally. I don't think I'll ever really try to kill myself anymore, it's just this annoying peacful tempting thought that gets to me all of the time.
Tomorrow I have to make it to school, take an english test I didn't have time to take friday, and talk to teacher bout an idea, a family near us lost their home and belongings to a fire. The father, and two kids, and the mother, who has cancer. Our school just raised over a thousand dollars in donations to a 6 year boy with lukemia in the same area. We have the heart, we can do it again.
I get to give out the rest of the invitations I finished during my second bell last friday, when I skipped and stayed in the library. I also may be talking to some police, more later on that one.
Then I work, and well, the rest of the week will be busy, but I am more excited about my party now. I went skating with friends friday, it was school work, skating and then I had to finally sleep for my cpr/first aid class.
I better get going now, I want to try and stay awake again tomorrow.
I am not depressed today, I'm just tired now. I am happy, or fine, otherwise,... I hope the whole week stays that way :) for you, too :):):):):)
First we fought. I was having a hard time sitting in the car with him, it was the first time I have seen him since I found out how he violated our privacy.
He said maybe not today to driving, although he said yes to me on the phone when I asked him yesterday to make sure. He said we aren't going to do this every week. I got so mad for some reason. I said, fine, I will not drive with you any more. I don't fucking care. But I hope you don't let Teri, either.
He said loudly and gruffily that he didn't f'ing care, either. We rode in silence, I had no idea where he was going, but didn't care. It was like being in the car that one night with that stranger, Rob. I didn't care what he did, where he took me. Finally, tired of it, tired of how angry we were and not wanting it to stay like that all day,... and meaning it, I said, "I'm sorry.
Things got better after that. We talked a little about the private investigators. I think he honestly believes he's doing the right thing, and really trying to tell us that it's not about us,... but what I believe is the truth, it is about us.
Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know anymore. Every year that question get's harder and harder to answer. I mean, I was in first grade, saw myself getting through the last couple years of high school, and since I was beginning to get to every book in the house, including momx old college books and other ones, well, I wanted to be a layer. In sixth grade I saw myself locked up from mom. In a psych ward or jail cell. I won't go there. It's too painful. I saw myself as nothing, dead even living.
Now I see myself as alone, and struggling. I'm scared to death all of the time almost litterally. I don't think I'll ever really try to kill myself anymore, it's just this annoying peacful tempting thought that gets to me all of the time.
Tomorrow I have to make it to school, take an english test I didn't have time to take friday, and talk to teacher bout an idea, a family near us lost their home and belongings to a fire. The father, and two kids, and the mother, who has cancer. Our school just raised over a thousand dollars in donations to a 6 year boy with lukemia in the same area. We have the heart, we can do it again.
I get to give out the rest of the invitations I finished during my second bell last friday, when I skipped and stayed in the library. I also may be talking to some police, more later on that one.
Then I work, and well, the rest of the week will be busy, but I am more excited about my party now. I went skating with friends friday, it was school work, skating and then I had to finally sleep for my cpr/first aid class.
I better get going now, I want to try and stay awake again tomorrow.
I am not depressed today, I'm just tired now. I am happy, or fine, otherwise,... I hope the whole week stays that way :) for you, too :):):):):)