There are days, those days, you know the days, just before my monthly cycle,(sorry for the indelicate subject, but I am trying to talk about real life stuff in this diary) when I feel disconnected from my body. My mind is one place, thinking things that only suicidal people think. But my body is busy doing stuff to keep me occupied until the madness passes. (Keep her moving, get that dust under the refrigerator. Rake those leaves. Prune the bushes. Let’s make her bake something. Something
I know the madness WILL pass. It has passed many times before. What I can’t figure out is why I have to come down this fruitless road again. Every single atom of my life could be in place, and in a good place, but my hormone crazed brain will try to convince me otherwise. The good me and the evil me are having a stare down and the good me is about to blink. It’s ridiculous to be fully aware that you are having a ‘hormone event’ (sounds cosmic eh ?) yet being equally as aware that you can’t get OFF the train. The train that is headed straight for the black tunnel where not only is it dark, but you are not sure there IS a light at the end. What makes this trip particularly difficult is that I am an optimistic person most of the time. (In an introverted kind of way) I am
These alien thoughts run through my head that seem to come from some bizarre movie like "Brazil". You know, scary thoughts like, This is the REAL you Alice. That woman that’s here the rest of the time is fake !
But Miss Jabberwocky ends up overplaying her hand and says something SO outlandish that even the depressed me has to laugh.
Statements like, ‘What YOU need to do is sell everything you own and live in a cabin somewhere with no electricity.’
A few minutes contemplating this scenario and the good me realizes that this would mean not being able to play SNOOD anymore and I snap out of the spell, just like that!
Screeeeeeech…… Train arrives at the station. Whew !
It’s NOT platform 9 ¾ either. Dang.
I will tell you what, Menopause is starting to look REAL good to me.