DearDiary Logo
Public DiariesHomeLogin

D'vorahDavida
Yetzirah

The Chad Solution
Thu Sep 25 2003

I just voted in the California Governor Dog and Pony Show.

(Even though the 9th Circus Court tried REALLY hard to stop me.)

Did you know there are 139 names on the ballot? California Governor must be a really good gig if so many people want to be him/her/it. (We must remember to include ALL our citizens, however they choose to be called, trans’ed or cross dressed)

We signed up to vote by mail a few elections back, so I got my dreaded “punch card”, guaranteed to disenfranchise you, chad buster ballot with my name on the envelope. ( I felt so special )

The instructions say to use a bent paper clip to punch out your “dreaded chads” with. I did exactly as instructed and punched out the first one that said “yes I very much want to kick Gray Dufus…. I MEAN, “Yes Gray Davis should be recalled from office” THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

And there on the tip of my finger rested the “dreaded chad”. I looked at it and wondered what to do with it. I sure didn’t want it to decide to jump back onto the card and invalidate my vote, or become pregnant while I wasn’t looking, so I did what any self respecting responsible Republican would do.

I ate it.

Thus eliminating ANY chance for confusion about my vote and how it is counted. I felt very patriotic. I have done my civic duty. The rest is in the hands of God.

Oh yes, I voted for Arnold. Mostly because I saw him in a movie once, and he gave birth to a baby. I figure if he can do that, he might be able to pull another miracle out of his……-hat and keep California from going straight to hell in a democratic handbasket.

God Bless America

(….and if You have a few extra moments, California too. Even though we probably don’t deserve it for electing such poor specimens of humanity to govern ourselves….. Hey, by the way, is Moses busy these days? We could maybe use him down here. Run that past him would you? I hear Governor of California is a pretty good gig.. . . if you can get it. )

5 Comments
  • From:
    Pragmatist (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    I'm still waiting to find out if/when there will be a vote.

    Shalom
  • From:
    AQuietEvening (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    Ok, you did it, I full on laughed out loud at my computer screen.

    ~QE
  • From:
    RealmOfRachel (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    America's voting system leaves me very confused I've yet to vote in my adult life.

    Rach xx
  • From:
    Bookworm (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Sep 25 2003
    Your style always brightens my day. Thanks. ;-)
  • From:
    AeolianSolo (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Sep 25 2003
    I actually read this entry before you commented, and I thik it's hilarious. You are a very good writer.

    As for the book: It was meant to be a collection of notes and scraps wrapped up together, rather like finding an old scrapbook or journal bound with twine to keep everything together. I think it might have been more appealing if it had been packaged that way, but probably prohibitively expensive to publish. It's a more-or-less underground classic type of thing; the general population may not be aware of it. I know that the author's sister is in a band called Poe and she wrote a song based on part of the story called -Hey Pretty- that got some airplay awhile back, and most of the lyrics were actually lines from the book and were read by the author during the song. Kinda cool. I think what I like about the book besides its creepy premise is that reading it is almost like a treasure hunt: it's interactive; you have to work at following it, just like if you'd actually stumbled upon the aforementioned scrapbook in someone's attic and had to try to make sense of it all. I love mysteries and puzzles and weird quantum physics happenings, so it's something I didn't have trouble with. Only it's been awhile since I was reading it, so I'll have to skim back through to pick up the gist as I go.

    And don't worry; you're not dumb. I've tried to read -Dune- five times and I can't get past the first few chapters. I think the thing is just plain BORING, but others have said it's the best book since the Bible. --shrug-- To each his own.

    Shalom,

    --Solo