D'vorahDavida
Yetzirah

From the Pupik* of the world:

*Pupik = Yiddish for navel.
** Many thanks to Roo for the inspiration.

From Salamander: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A properly motivated Woodchuck can chuck (meaning to throw) wood at an impressive rate for his size. To properly motivate said Woodchuck, a handy supply of Pawpaws or apples of some sort is essential. The largest pile of wood ever chucked by a Woodchuck was recorded in 1924. "Ol' Bucktooth" chucked 2 and a half cords of wood in one 12 hour period. It is also recorded that he collapsed and died on the spot after accepting the bushel basket of prime Jonathan apples from Farmer McWhorter who organized the event. He was later accused of purposely trying to do Ol' Bucktooth in, for a longstanding grudge over some prize corn that McWhorter was going to enter in the county fair, that had allegedly been consumed by the Woodchuck. But this was never proven.

From Dustbunny3: I think the mystery is, what happened to DOC Rubber Duckie?

The venerable Dr. Rubber Duckie is alive and well. He has been on a sabbatical for lo these many weeks, working on his latest book, "Human Menopause: Beyond Reason
Or: Is Tub Therapy Really Enough?" He is completing the final chapters as we speak and will be submitting it to his publishers, (Duck Press) very soon. We hope to join him in the near future, when he is seeing patients once again.

From Yarngirl: Oh wise and great oracle, how many goldfinch does it take to empty a 16" thistle feeder in one day? And at what rate should a woman purchase thistle to keep the goldfinch happy? Finally, do you know of anyplace the woman can get thistle for cheap?

The Oracle reminds you that you are limited to one question at a time. But, We are feeling magnanimous today, so will answer you, even though you have shown yourself to be impudent. Be more circumspect in future.

Although it may be difficult to comprehend, there are probably only 25 or so Goldfinches eating from your feeder. In all the coming and going it's hard to tell, the Oracle has witnessed your dilemma, even in the far reaches of Delphi. This frenzy of course is compounded during the breeding season. The Oracle suggests that for all mathematical calculations concerning mass, volume and consumption rates, that Yarngirl consult Allimom who is an expert in all numerical mysteries. As to where one should go for cheap thistle seed....the Oracle has heard news of a legendary merchandiser from many pilgrims who travel to the Pupik. This renowned marketplace is called whimsically enough, "Wally World". Buy the BIG bag, it's always a better deal.

From Tawny, (the Sage of Middle Earth)- "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

The Oracle recognizes your thinly veiled attempt at humor. Though it is generally known that there is no answer to this riddle, many have attempted to force one on the poor, beleaguered Mr. Carroll. References to Poe, and similar or missing letters, flat notes and other nonsense is just too tedious to be borne. The Oracle proposes to end the debate once and for all. . .

If the author says there is no answer, there IS no answer!

OR .... the answer COULD be, "That neither of them is made with molasses."

InStitches asks: Most vernerable and wise Oracle I seek an explanation as to why one ends up with orphan socks even though they go into the wash as pairs? It is a great mystery to me.

The answer lies in the mists of antiquity. If one would just take a few millennia to think it over, one would come to the most logical conclusion that the human foot is better off without being stuffed into constrictive contraptions, but that once stuffed, chaffing ensues. Therefore the need for some kind of padding between your foot and the contraption.

A long long time ago, in the doorway of one Mr. Clodhopper, local shoemaker, there began a quest. After hearing the complaints of his customers about blisters on their feet, he sent his apprentice Fred out into the world to find an answer to the suffering. Fred struck out, with nothing but a peanut butter sandwich in his lunch box, and a pair of Mr. Clodhopper's best boots on his feet. He traveled for over a year with no success, until he came to a wilderness filled with caves. He entered one to sleep for the night, and discovered in the darkness, odd looking things hanging from the tops of the caves. He pulled one down and since he had taken his boots off for the night, tried one on his foot to keep it warm. It fit his foot perfectly! He realized that he had found the Holy Sole! In the morning he gathered as many of them as he could and returned jubilant to Mr. Clodhopper, who made him Head Boy on the spot. But what Fred did not know was that these objects he had taken from the caves were sentient beings and their relatives remaining in the caves considered their family members to have been kidnapped most cruelly. And ever since, whenever a sock gets a chance, he or she runs away to try to get back home to the caves. The indignities of being thrown in a washer or dryer seems to help precipitate this flight.

It is also interesting to note, that since the natural habitat of socks is a cave, it is no wonder that humans develop fungal problems from enclosing their feet all the live long day in shoes and socks. This fungus is a natural covering for the cave dwelling socks, protecting them from the bats. Works for the socks, but not so great for humans. Though come to think of it, have you ever had a bat attack your feet?

Parett asks: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?????

It seems that this is a rather PRESSING question to you dear pilgrim, since it is asked with such emphasis! And a very profound one at that.

I would recommend to you, Victor Frankel's book "Man's Search For Meaning" for a quite complete discussion of the subject. But since you have made supplication to The Oracle, I will give you my version.

What makes this question such a hard one to answer, is that it is different for each and every person on the face of the Earth. We are here to do a specific thing that not one other person that ever lived or will ever live can do. It might be to rectify a wrong, heal a wound, complete a picture, or to bring some great mystery to light. The tricky thing is that it is not always clear cut what we are supposed to do, so there is a fair amount of bumbling about, trying to figure it out. But even our bumbling sometimes takes us places we are supposed to be, to do some small act that can change the course of history, physical and spiritual. We may look like buffoons most of the time, but what we REALLY are can hardly be imagined in this life. At some point however, all will be made clear.

What a day that will be!

Even the Oracle awaits that day. . .

Allimom asks: Oh Great Oracle, why oh why can't I get my 14 year old boys to care about their grades?

Teenage boys, generally speaking, do not know their head from a hole in the ground.
They are a bundle of raging hormonal energies wreaking havoc on everything they come in contact with. It has been said by even wiser Ones than Ourselves, that could the energy of teenage boys be harnessed, we could move the Earth to a whole new neighborhood. (One with shorter winters, avocados with a really tiny seed and chocolate that has no calories) But alas, no such method has yet been found, so we tend to batten down the hatches and wait out the storm.

The storm does pass. The Oracle has seen it. And here I will voice what I know is a heretical statement in this modern world. . . There are things about learning to be a civilized human being that are far more important than one's GPA. Trust the Oracle on this one. And when said teenagers finally stop their whirling dervish antics, there will be plenty of places of higher learning to help them once they are ready to study. There is no set timetable for education, no matter what they try to tell you. And it must be remembered, not everyone is cut out to be a scholar.

But I must say that the Oracle wouldn't buy an unfocused teenager a new X Box
either. . . Rank has it's privileges, and laziness has it's consequences. Sometimes a good healthy dose of consequences can do wonders to focus the mind. Even the mind of a 14 year old!

Fairywishes asks: Oracle Please tell me why I am putting myself through studying for exams at my stage of life, have I finally tipped over the edge into what's commonly known as madness?!

While it COULD be argued that you are ALREADY mad for consulting with an Oracle online, we will assume for discussion purposes that you are not.... yet.

We suggest you take a deep breath and look far down into your psyche. As a meditation, ask yourself these two questions: Who am I trying to please? And why am I trying to please them? Or a variation would be: What am I trying to prove? And Who am I trying to prove it to? Sometimes the answers may surprise you. If the answer turns out to be yourself, then you are probably on the right track. But it is VERY easy to SAY that automatically, and overlook the fact that one might be doing very difficult things to prove to some dunderhead in school who called you a dummy one day on the playground that they were all wrong about you. (The Oracle recognizes that the preceeding was a very awkward sentence). And to forget that said dunderhead doesn't even remember your name now.

Another good test of our motivation is to spend some time examining whether or not we are doing something out of excitement and joy, or out of fear. Fear really IS the mind killer. We make bad decisions when we are afraid.

It sounds to the Oracle that you have worthy goals however. This in itself is an antidote to madness!

ichandra asks: oh great oracle why is it that the world is so down on teenage boys i think they are so cool they know so much about the most important thing in life the desk top in fact they were the inventors of the desk top
i don't find that teenage boys are any worse than your average adult
so dearest oracle why this error?

The Oracle discerns that perhaps the pilgrim has never SEEN a teenage boy in the throws of his hormone induced psychosis. (This does not mean teenage girls are immune from this problem, by any means. It just manifests itself in different ways.)
Because so much of the time, they reserve their most recalcitrant behavior to the confines of their homes. Inflicting tantrums upon their parents who have nurtured them since before birth. I would never say there is no good in them, for this would be a lie. But they remind me of Vulcans in Pon Phar, with a side of pouts.

And you will recall, it was a caring parent who wanted nothing but good for her children who asked the question about teenage boys. We assume she knows whereof she speaks.

All humans begin life thinking they are the center of the universe. It is a bitter pill indeed to realize that this is not the case at all. Adults have their faults no doubt, but give this one idea your thought. . .

If things were different and teenagers were responsible to care for and nurture adults until THEY realized they were not the center of the universe, how many adults do you think would be alive today?

Parents are the most longsuffering creatures in our confusing world. Continuing to provide food and shelter to one who wants nothing more than to "be on their own", not knowing what that really means yet. We should be kind to them, these parents.

enchantedbutterfly asks: Oh great, wise, talented and beautiful Oracle, I humbly request your knowledge....

Based on a great question in life.... “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?” My question in life then becomes this...If a man say something or expresses knowledge in some way, and a woman is not around to hear it...is he still wrong?

The Oracle percieves a tad too much sucking up in the introduction to your question, but we will overlook it THIS time.

The answer is simple,

What a woman doesn't hear, does not exist. Ergo, the man is not wrong.

He IS however talking to himself which is generally considered a bit whacky. We should keep our eye on that man, he bears watching.

Miss Tick asks:
A question for you, oh, the Greatest of Oracles:

is there a life after life? are there souls that follow our soul from one life into another, so that we always surrounded by those we know for eternity?

Yes. Our soul is eternal. And yes, from time to time we meet those we have known before. The Oracle does not think that we are necessarily surrounded, but it does seem to us that we may come across one or two in our lives that we think to ourselves... there's something familiar about that look in the eye!
But one should not worry over much about such things. Each life has tasks of its own, and we do better to concentrate on what is here, what is now. This is the world of change. We can learn great lessons, and move mighty energies in the physical realm. For good or for evil. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.