Because I am completely mad, I am publishing this in my diary. Send the men in the white coats. I surrender. I will make no protestations. I should be commited. But until they get here, I have a plan.
Premise
I have struck upon an idea. And like most ideas, it sprouted from outside sources. So to give credit where credit is due, I forthwith acknowledge Mr. Spurlock of "Supersize Me".
Of late, I have been beating myself up for many things really, but chief among them is the fact that I KNOW what I should be doing to take care of my body, and by extension, my mind, and by further extension my mental health. But I don't always DO it.
This not only prevents me from reaching my goals, it has the added mental burden of guilt that I am falling down on the job. This leads to self recrimination and depression, and even LESS goal reaching success.
Therefore, I hereby and forthwith propose a semi-scientific experiment, much like our Mr. Spurlock. Only being of a spiritual bent, I will choose the biblical 40 days for my endeavor.
I have made myself a fairly detailed list of things that I want to do each day. Spiritual, physical, and in the food ingestion department. I am including tidbits I have known for a long time, and those I have read recently that I want to try out in earnest. I want to see if these things MEAN anything. I want to see some of them are just hot air, or if they have substance. For instance: Rabbi Schneerson of blessed memory said that the main thing we needed to do to bring the awareness of God into the world, is Simcha. Joy. And Rabbi Nachman said somewhere...I bet we will come to it soon in our little book of quotes, that joy is so important, that even if you have to do something silly to get it, you should do that. I want to give that a try.
Two other examples that come to mind, and will be included in my experiments are: Eating something every 3 hours, and drinking green tea three times a day.
There is an added incentive for my experiment and that is, if I am feeling punk because of peri-menopausal stuff I have no control over and Fibertrolls notwithstanding, I want to be doing ALL that I can in the areas where I AM in charge. And frankly, I have fallen down on the job.
I am not going to get on the scale for 40 days. I am starting my regime today, June 23, 2005. I have made myself a list of things I intend to do each day, printed out 40 copies and will put them in a notebook. Every day has a page. I will be responsible to get those things done, one way or another every day, no matter if I work or don't work. It requires planning ahead. I know how to do that.
I read once that to develop a new habit, you need to repeat it for 30 days. I am giving myself an extra 10 for good measure. I intend to write down every single morsel of food that I put in my mouth. I want to see if eating yogurt every day really does give the health benefits that the articles claim. I want to find out if green tea is all that great for helping one lose weight. I want to know if eating every 3 hours is really the key to keeping your metabolism happy and not storing fat for the famine... Etc. Etc. Etc.
So today I embark. And I don't want to hear a word from my inner critic about how many OTHER times I have begun some similar venture. Edison tried 2000 times to get the filament right for his light bulb. The reason he succeeded is that he kept trying. I have failed many times to do the right thing. Today I am picking myself out of the dust, and starting over. Again. Because that's what real people do.
Pigs wallow.
People start over.
And last time I looked, I am a people.
Signed: The Madwoman from Peri-Menopause Land
8:24 AM June 23, 2005