Tonight is the last night of Hannukah. Here is what our menorah looked like in the kitchen window.
[album 65561 Lights2.JPG]
Those are raindrops reflecting there.... It was raining like crazy just an hour ago, thank goodness it calmed down a bit. Our power was out for 3 1/2 hours too. Though I missed most of that outage, as I got called to work this morning and over at the client's house there was power.
I don't really want to go into a lot of details about it, but since a fair amount of space in this diary has been given over to peri-menoupause discussions, I just wanted to report that I think I MAY be entering those hallowed halls in earnest. The absence of my 28 day friend has stretched to 47 days as of today. One can hope! And though it may be WAY premature to pop open the champagne, I also feel compelled to admit that some of the emotional storms seem to be abating.... somewhat.
(Wow, the forceful certainty of that paragraph is palpable. Geeze, can't she write anything with conviction?)
I feel like I have survived an emotional tsunami. I think the last wave has come and gone and I am left floating in a swirling pool of muddy waters roiling with debris left over from my fractured psyche. So here I am holding on to something like. . . oh say, a floating refrigerator as my raft and wondering what to do next.
"Look for higher ground.".... comes immediately to mind.
Though I am most certainly not in the pits of despair any longer, I am left with a certain flatness to my experiences of life at the moment. It's not unpleasant. Just unfamiliar. After taking up what seemed like permanent residence on a particularly wicked roller coaster for the last 3 years, this present state is somewhat unnerving. Being a manic depressive WAS kinda exciting at times. And I think I actually got some good writing mileage out of it. But the depression part was, .... well.... awful.
Now it may be way too soon to declare an end to "Yetzirah's Flying Circus", I might say that I think I see the EXIT sign just over there in the middle distance. Only thing is the tsunami/roller coaster has washed me up on unfamiliar shores.
I need to spend some time getting my bearings. I think I have some new priorities that need to be examined. I have this feeling that I may strike out on a completely new direction, or if not that, then striking out in a completely different WAY than I used to. It's just this prickly feeling in the back of what little mind I have left. A quite INSISTANT prickly feeling.
There are some things in my life that have been sadly neglected and others that have been stuck on the back burner so long that they are now inedible. I think perhaps even some of those pots are unsalvagable and will need to be thrown out altogether. I think my "pantry of self" needs some serious re-arranging.
But first things first. I have to find a way to solid ground and off my refrigerator raft, while keeping one eye on the horizon, just in case there's one more wave sneaking up on me. So.... about all I can honestly muster at the moment is the following statement:
Happy New Year?
We shall see.
(Gawd she's pessimistic.)
Shut up and paddle the refrigerator you idiot.
[album 65561 Pink divider.gif]
[album 65561 Lights2.JPG]
Those are raindrops reflecting there.... It was raining like crazy just an hour ago, thank goodness it calmed down a bit. Our power was out for 3 1/2 hours too. Though I missed most of that outage, as I got called to work this morning and over at the client's house there was power.
I don't really want to go into a lot of details about it, but since a fair amount of space in this diary has been given over to peri-menoupause discussions, I just wanted to report that I think I MAY be entering those hallowed halls in earnest. The absence of my 28 day friend has stretched to 47 days as of today. One can hope! And though it may be WAY premature to pop open the champagne, I also feel compelled to admit that some of the emotional storms seem to be abating.... somewhat.
(Wow, the forceful certainty of that paragraph is palpable. Geeze, can't she write anything with conviction?)
I feel like I have survived an emotional tsunami. I think the last wave has come and gone and I am left floating in a swirling pool of muddy waters roiling with debris left over from my fractured psyche. So here I am holding on to something like. . . oh say, a floating refrigerator as my raft and wondering what to do next.
"Look for higher ground.".... comes immediately to mind.
Though I am most certainly not in the pits of despair any longer, I am left with a certain flatness to my experiences of life at the moment. It's not unpleasant. Just unfamiliar. After taking up what seemed like permanent residence on a particularly wicked roller coaster for the last 3 years, this present state is somewhat unnerving. Being a manic depressive WAS kinda exciting at times. And I think I actually got some good writing mileage out of it. But the depression part was, .... well.... awful.
Now it may be way too soon to declare an end to "Yetzirah's Flying Circus", I might say that I think I see the EXIT sign just over there in the middle distance. Only thing is the tsunami/roller coaster has washed me up on unfamiliar shores.
I need to spend some time getting my bearings. I think I have some new priorities that need to be examined. I have this feeling that I may strike out on a completely new direction, or if not that, then striking out in a completely different WAY than I used to. It's just this prickly feeling in the back of what little mind I have left. A quite INSISTANT prickly feeling.
There are some things in my life that have been sadly neglected and others that have been stuck on the back burner so long that they are now inedible. I think perhaps even some of those pots are unsalvagable and will need to be thrown out altogether. I think my "pantry of self" needs some serious re-arranging.
But first things first. I have to find a way to solid ground and off my refrigerator raft, while keeping one eye on the horizon, just in case there's one more wave sneaking up on me. So.... about all I can honestly muster at the moment is the following statement:
Happy New Year?
We shall see.
(Gawd she's pessimistic.)
Shut up and paddle the refrigerator you idiot.
[album 65561 Pink divider.gif]