D'vorahDavida
Yetzirah

  Ever get an idea in your head of something you want to create that SEEMS like it should be pretty darn easy, but it turns out that the thing in your head and the word 'easy' are actually no where near each other in the dictionary? Well that's where I'm holding, here of a dark and stormy night in November. All I want is to print out a 'just so' sized copy of a long poem I am fond of and bind it into a little book I can read whenever I want to. I have a collection of small books and a journal or two that sit right next to my chair. I want my handmade book to live there too. It's a modest little endeavor that involves nice paper and bookbinding and pretty covers that I've been mulling over .... you know... bookish things. But the warm and fuzzy vision of me sipping hot evening tea by candlelight with my little 'just so' book in hand is turning into a dark and foreboding melodrama set a drafty and dank castle somewhere in Transylvania. I've struggled with Microsoft Publisher, and then reverted to the word processor on my iMac [which has the font that I want the most, but lacks the power of Publisher to create my document]. My printer doesn't seem to be into doing what it's supposed to and just when I think I have cracked the code, following the detailed directions I found on line, turns out my printer doesn't have a CLUE as to what I want it to do. There's a missing link in the directions and the screens that are available in my printer set up. I have wasted a lot of paper, and used up a few of my Cupcake lives trying and failing to produce my booklet. I have 'officially' given up three times. There were actually tears at one point. (Don't forget the profanity. I definitely recall profanity. Quite a lot of it actually.) Fine. Bad words were uttered. Are you happy now? (Just keeping it real.) I flirted with the idea of writing it out by hand in a 'just so' little journal and actually ordered one on Amazon. It's been 'Temporarily Out Of Stock' for three and a half weeks. In fact Amazon sent me an email falling all over itself in apologies and wanting to know if I still prefer to keep the order open. I wrote back and said yes, omitting the depth and profundity of my denial that defeat was crouching at my door planning its victory celebrations and ordering canapés from Whole Foods in gleeful anticipation of my humiliation. (My Gawd. Your capacity for over dramatization is simply breathtaking.) Thank you. (That's not what I meant.) Too late. One day, deep into the saga, on I think it was the fourth attempt, I thought I had it all figured out and I ordered the special paper I wanted to use for my booklet. It's called Tomoe River paper and it's made in Japan. Amazon told me cheerfully that my package was on it's way and would be here in two days! Yay! Directly after that good news, my project crashed and crumpled. I briefly toyed with the idea of heaving my printer into the ice pond to meet the gruesome fate of the poor jackrabbit during last winter's freeze. I actually went on line and looked into getting a new printer. When I started reading reviews I found out that I OWNED a printer that was rated in the top three for home office users. It was a strange feeling to be so angry with a piece of equipment that was spoken so highly of. So I gave up on the idea of replacing it. I was forced to change tactics yet again. Today, there was a glimmer of hope. (The REAL glimmer of hope would be that you decided to give up on your foolish, ill fated idea.) Dream on (), you don't know who you're dealing with here. I put the document in a format close, but not quite what I wanted and printed it out, painstakingly reorienting each page separately and at least got it into a form that I can work with as a test run. I originally wanted to bind the booklet in what are called 'signatures' [this is where all the problems live] but found out a nifty way to bind pages using something called 'double fan binding'. So now I feel like I'm ready to print out the final copy and choose my cover material. There's only one problem. I just got an email from Amazon. In contrast to the cheerful tone of the former one, this one sounded really weird... and then funny.... which prompted this blog post. It was just too delicious to let pass without writing about it. It read simply....   Why am I not surprised? (Ready to give up now Dillweed?) Not on your life. Now it's personal. My reputation is on the line. You don't get to be Legendary by giving up. (But you might end up in a facility.... you know the one I'm thinking of... I think it has the word Quixote in it... I'm pretty sure it's got a windmill or something on the logo.) Oh shut up (),  I'm going to go see if the glue is dry on my prototype.