So, this is the one day a week I go to town to get groceries. It all went smoothly, especially considering I was doing my shopping for Pesach, or Passover. I have some specific things I need for my Seder or Passover meal. AND there are things I won't be able to eat for eight days that involve wheat and other grains. I found everything I needed and just for the record, there was toilet paper on the shelves. I didn't get any, because I don't need any. I think from now on toilet paper is going to seem silly. It's gotten permanent status as the Corona Virus Clown.
Anyway, while I was out I decided to take a little drive.
I went down to the river and took a few pictures.
It doesn't feel or look like April yet.
This is from the same spot, looking to the right.
It was good to get out and see some beautiful familiar places.
I have noticed something going on with me that does not fill me with happiness..... I'm having a hard time focusing on any one thing for very long. If I need to bring wood in and fill the woodbox, I can only handle that one thing. The idea of doing anything extra makes me feel overwhelmed. I'm very close to getting to the end of my wood, and ordinarily, I would work on it for an hour and get it all into the woodshed by the back door and be done with it. But I just couldn't face it. And the other day when I was raking the lawn, I had to break it up into small portions over three or four days because I realized I was easily frustrated and felt annoyed at little things that go wrong in any job you are working on.
This is a completely new state of being for me. Because most of the time, my inner dialog is positive and I am pretty well prepared to laugh off small set backs. It's my default mode of dealing with the world and it has served me well for many many years.
But now? Not so much. And I'm sort of flummoxed as to how to deal..... with everything.... It's like somebody took the hammer and my best screwdriver and my needle nosed pliers [oh no!] out of my toolbox. But I still have to keep doing my job.
I'm not in deep despair. Do not mistake me. It's just I'm not myself.
Whenever it's possible, I have my friends over for the Pesach seder every year. This year I will be doing my meal and reading the story alone. Along with thousands of other Jews all over the world who happen to find themselves alone and in quarentine this Wednesday night.
There is a question that we ask during the seder.... "Why is this night different from all other nights?" Well, this year that will be the most inscrutable question of all.
Perhaps we will get the answer. And maybe I'll get my tools back too!
