Someone asked me the other day the backstory on (). I don’t think I have ever addressed this. Perhaps it’s time to do so.
I have a daughter-in-law who is in possession of an impressive amount of Star Wars lore. She would be appalled at the lack of information on our cranky little bit of punctuation. So here goes….
Just by way of clarification, here’s Webster’s on it:
parenthesis /pə-rĕn′thĭ-sĭs/
noun
1. Either or both of the upright curved lines, ( ), used to mark off explanatory or qualifying remarks in writing or printing or enclose a sum, product, or other expression considered or treated as a collective entity in a mathematical operation.
2. A qualifying or amplifying word, phrase, or sentence inserted within written matter in such a way as to be independent of the surrounding grammatical structure.
3. A comment departing from the theme of discourse; a digression.
Our () failed his math unit at Punctuation U. So, you will never see him making himself useful in an equation, that’s for sure.
And being a bit of a loner, he is not at all comfortable with tucking himself IN a surrounding ANYTHING because he relates to the independent aspect of his calling zealously. Thus, he received very low marks in Integrative Amplification class, as he refused to position himself properly in the sentence repeatedly.
However, in the third category of his education, Advanced Placement Digression, he outpaced all his contemporaries. Turns out he had a special talent for … departing. No erudite sentence escaped his scathing commentary. And because he refused to insert himself properly into his grammarly position in the grand literary scheme, he developed quite a lofty opinion of his…opinions. Being unmoored from all proper constraints required for civilized communication, he became unemployable.
That’s where I came in.
Because I have a quite healthy skepticism of my own importance and wanted to keep my Ego from becoming a bloated maniac, I was in need of a literary device to give voice to my inner critic. As I was reading the want ads one day I found this:
(Independent Punctuation in need of employment. Critical Thinking Expert. Get to the heart of the matter. No frills. Any reasonable offer will be taken into consideration. Call today!)
And call I did.
Interestingly enough, he was willing to work for nothing, in exchange for whatever fame he could amass from readers of Dear Diary. I hired him on the spot.
So, there you have it. ()’s backstory. He’s done his job all these years, perhaps a little TOO well at times. He’s sorta famous and my Ego has certainly been kept in check. So, I guess we are getting along just fine.
(Of course you are. You hired the best. Now what about that other diary you just started? That first entry was pretty weak. You are going to have to up your game Cupcake or fold up shop now to avoid embarrassment.)
See? () 5,493, Ego – 0
(Damn straight.)
